I took DH to Penney's to get a new blazer and pants. He was not happy about trying on clothes, but he did. I then took him to lunch. Since it wasn't fast food, he had trouble deciding,but finally enjoyed his lunch. Then I told him we were going to the nearby tailor for alterations in his new jacket and pants. He said, what jacket and pants.I explained that we had just bought them in Penney's. So, we go over to the tailor shop and he said to me, are you picking something up. I started to laugh. Getting out of the car, he asked, do you want me to go in. Finally, he tried them on. I am sure he does not remember any of it. He does not care what he wears and they only time we "dress up" is to go to church and even then he wears khakis.
Oh, maryd, this sounds so familiar. My DH's short term memory is just gone. He doesn't remember where we've been, why we went, where we ate....or if we ate...., who has been here, etc. Today we dropped off a prescription at the drugstore, did a few errands and started back to pick it up. He didn't remember that we dropped it off or anything about a prescription. I am thankful , though, that he is still himself otherwise. We know it's going to get worse.
I just had to laugh at your post. My husband seems perfectly functional to everyone else, and is not as bad as you describe, but some days it is very similar.
Get into bed at night - Where are we going tomorrow? I tell him. The alarm goes off in the morning - Why did you set the alarm? Where are we going? I tell him. Get ready to go out - Where are we going? I tell him.
Then there are days that I remind him in the afternoon where we are going, and he says - Why are you telling me that? You told me this morning.
It's no wonder my hair is thinning. I'm pulling it out of my head!
mary, when dh and I would go out to eat he would ask me what he liked and I would have to tell him what he wanted. There was a period where he was stuck on the price and made no secret of letting everyone around us that this place was too expensive. A few times I had to order to entrees for myself because he refused to pay that much for something. When they brought our dinner I would say that was too much for me to eat and would he eat part of it. If the kids were with us, they would tell him they were paying so not to worry about the price and he would say ok. Later on I'd tell him he paid the last time and it was my turn to pay this time. That worked after he forgot who I was.
I went to a lunchon today, an alumni group of something I belonged to in college. Lunch and a speaker, which I explained several times. When I got home DH asked if I'd played golf well and made any good shots. Maybe I should be glad that he doesn't remember how awful I was at my few attempts at golf.
Dinner conversation today: College daughter made reference to a conference she is attending out of town in a few weeks. She has talked about it more than once at dinner times. DH asks when and what? I realize he has no recall about any details but daughter knows she's talked to him about it previously and is expecting he remembers at least some of the details. I finally break the silence and tell her I'm not sure he remembers. "I've told you about it before" "Well, refresh my memory----sometimes it needs an upgrade" (I'm thinking if only he'd admit that to the dr . . . but no, all is fine when talking with the dr). So daughter patiently explains she is going away----gives date and mentions she will also be away 2 weekends BEFORE then. Answers her dad's various questions . . . tells him all the details again . . . and then he asks her, "And where are you going two weeks AFTER??" I quietly tell him it is two weeks BEFORE and he goes on to ask what that trip is about (something she'd already told us about) . . . Oh, and part way through the conversation, DH declared "This isn't a refresher. I never knew anything about this before". It must be so hard for him when his recall is so undependable.
me: (singing) give me your foot my husband ( so I can get this shoe on. ) him: (singing) La chi darem la mano (which is what I was singing, it's from Marriage of Figaro)
me: Great. ... what's your name? him: I seem to have forgotten..
me: what's MY name? him: uh uh..
me: am I your wife or your nurse? him: I don't know...
The combination of picking up on the song, and being totally clueless about other things is so sad!
My husband likes to eat our a lot,but he will always say he'll have the same thing I ordered,I Iike italian food,it's not his favorite.I feel so bad for him that I often order something I'm not crazy acout. So I usually say"Let's just go to Shady Maple's smorgesbord,saves a lot of headaches.But his short term memory really frustates me.I have trouble answering the same question over and over in a calm voice.And after 54 years of marriage he can still pick up on my tone of voice.Praying for patience every day.How many times a day can you answer the same question?Several times an hour he asks where the dog is,and I do get short with him,"she can't get out,the doors are always locked."I tell him and he answers "You don't need to get smart mouth with me,I'm not stupid" And then I really feel guilty.
Hi folks, I'm new here but definitely not new to the situations being described. My DH loves to go out to eat. Me, not so much...his manners were impeccable and I stress "were" because now he sits, shovels it in without a word and is ready to go before I finish unfolding my napkin! I miss a lot of things..one of them being a conversation at dinner! I know I should be thankful he can feed himself...but still... One thing he always remembers is brushing his teeth. Mind you, the toothpaste is everywhere (sometimes it actually is on his toothbrush!) but he does remember. Anyone know how to eliminate the toothpaste mess? Toothpaste now is so "soft" and not really a paste anymore. I've tried the pump toothpaste but that didn't help. I'm so glad I found this place!
Audrey, this to shall pass....then you will wish he still wanted to brush his teeth! You will learn how to adjust to all of the changes we have to make to accommodate them and keep our sanity, one small step at a time. To elimate toothpaste mess, I keep Clorox wipes in both bathrooms and the kitchen, and just wipe it up and toss it. Take 10 seconds and isn't worth the fuss.
As for as conversation at dinner, I remember the exact moment that it hit me in the restaurant that I was talking to no one because he wasn't "home" any more...and that ended our going to the restaurant - just the two of us...after that, my daughter or grandson went with us so we could have conversation during our meal. Now, he can no longer feed himself (last week I gave up) and so no more taking him out to eat. Each loss is so sad...
him: That show we used to watch, Merlin, that went off....it's coming back on the SyFy network. I just saw a commercial for it. Can you find it and set the DVR to record it every week?
me: Sure. (and I did)
NEXT DAY:
him: That show we used to watch, Merlin, that went off....it's coming back on the SyFy network. I just saw a commercial for it. Can you find it and set the DVR to record it every week?
me: You told me that yesterday and I already did it.
him: I couldn't have told you that yesterday because I just now saw the commercial for the first time.
Oh my, these all sound like conversations I have had with My husband!! I used to tell him that I had already told him something when he would say he never heard it before, but now, I just tell him again. He too can read alot in my tone of voice so I try to stay upbeat. But there are times when I don't do so well and my impatience shows and he gets hurt. I always feel really bad, but then in a few minutes he has forgotten the conversation.
SandyRN, I hear you. If I am upset about something and it carries in my tone of voice, my DH will get that same sort of upset look my kitty cat will. Somehow, as this miserable disease progresses, some type of innocence seeps in so that they become not only mystified but also a bit insecure.
This morning at breakfast our daughter made reference to the group she will be going with to a conference (see my post above from 4 days ago). Hubby says: Are you going to a conference with this group? My daughter paused and then said, "Yes, I am." Oh, says Dad, "I didn't know about that". She told him that it was the conference she has been telling us about for several weeks. "Oh, I didn't realize that you were going with a group.You are going with this group?" (The group has been fundraising for months to attend the conference and she has spoken about it all several times over) "Yes, did you think I was going on my own?" And then-----amazingly he recalled the location of the conference! Go figure!!!
Two days ago, DH had a follow up appointment with the dr to get results of a test. Shortly before he left, he asked me about something that we had recently discussed. Now normally I just respond as if it's first time he's asked and don't tell him it's the second or third or fourth (etc) time I've told him. But because he was going to the dr I paused and then told him that I'd already explained that to him before and suggested he tell the dr that he's having some memory issues. "There's nothing the matter with my memory. I just don't pay attention enough." And then he proceeded to tell him all the things he can remember just fine . . .
I know it is better not to constantly tell him that you already asked that and I already told you but it does give him the illusion that he's not having much memory problem . . .
If you want to preserve his dignity more than you want to vent, then you pretend it is the first time he asked, and answer. The next time, phrase it a different way. After the fourth of fifth time of rephrasing, if you are fortunate, ONE of those answers will stick. You see, his tape recorder in his brain is busted. It can't record the information, so the last question asked is repeated in hopes the tape recorder fixes itself. The hard part is that it rarely does, and when it does, it is for very short periods of time.
That is why those caregivers who never drank before, now have a glass of wine before dinner. It is good for the digestion, it is good for the blood pressure, it is good for the heart, and more importantly, it keeps you from losing your temper!