yesterday at around 3, DH toldme , when he came back from the Bathroom, that his legs felt week, and he couldn't stand well. had to hold the walls, almost fell twice. he also couldn't find the bad at that point so I had to lead him to the bed and get him int it. Well, at 6:45, he got up again, to go, and fell in the bedroom. He did manage to get himself up, so I thought at first it was just maybe badly bruised. I did what I needed to do, fed & walked the dog, showered etc, when I got him up to go to get xrayed, i had a heck of a time, but we get to the car, and to the emerg room. Sure enough , he had fractured his hip. Surgery last night at about 6, they put screws in. Then waited til he got to him room. gave the nurses all sorts of orders, so that they asked if I wanted to stay overnite, but I was tired and wanted to go home. Now i worry, did I do right, to leave him there. Should I have stayed, or should I have gotten a private duty nurse to stay. I'm felling guilty, not this morning after a decent nights sleep. he'll be in the hosp until Saturday, then they will send him to a rehab. I did tell them I wanted a rehab in my town, there are several very nice NH's that do rehab so it shouldn't be an issue. And honestly, I thought this could be a respite of sorts for me. now I really feel guilty, for thinking like that. My kids were with me last evening. DD took the dog home with her, so I don't need to worry about him. and I do feel, several things, relief, and guilt at feeling relief.
chris-feeling guilty about feeling relief when relieved from a bad situation is all too comman with us. You did all the right things and now take time to enjoy your respite.
chris, I am so sorry your DH fractured his hip. I can only imagine how you must feel but DON'T feel guilty. I am sure many of us here would feel relief at getting some respite no matter the reason. Take care and God Bless.
Chris, I am also so sorry about your husband. When my husband was recently in the hospital, I also felt guilty every time I left, however, as I was told, what good would I do him after his release, if I was sick. My brain knew this,however, my heart still felt guilty....just a normal reaction.
I am sorry your husband was hurt, and although I can't tell you not to feel guilty, because you can't stop your feelings, please take the respite time to recharge. I find that after I have been going, going, going, on automatic for so long, that when I finally get a rest, it makes me realize I was doing too much, and desperately need the rest.
Chris, I am so sorry. Please do as others have said and get some much needed rest and relaxation for yourself. Then you will be able to take care of him when he comes home.
Chris, please take care of yourself. You need to catch up on your rest so that when he does come home you will be recharged. There is no guilt involved in not staying. You know he is being well cared for and you need to take care of YOU. I'm so sorry that he fell and had to undergo surgery. This seems to happen a lot with our spouses.
Chris - you know guilt is part of the caregiver role. He is getting good care so this is a good opportunity for you to get some extra rest and some things done that you can't normally do if he is around. I am so sorry that he fell and broke his hip though.
Please do not beat yourself up about this.First of all we do not always recognize the symptoms of what is wrong..( I didn't with my DH when he had a TIA..did not present with the normal symptoms at all..it was silent). Secondly, you got him to the hospital where he was taken care of and had supervision. Knowing his medical conditions with whatever Memory impairment he has, they would be prepared to take proper care of him. With his hip condition he would not be able to get up to be hurt further, I wouldn't think. The thing we face as caregivers for our LOs is that we do get tired, more tired than we even know at times. If you got a good night sleep, you needed it badly I would bet. And you would be wise to take some time now while he is in hospital for yourself to do some of the things you do need to get done around the house, or just time to decompress a bit. I have found when my DH has been in hospital, there has been quite a lot of this, I don't have as much decompress time as I thought I could have. I made the visits and found I was busy just trying to get a little caught up before he returned home. You can only do so much while he is in hospital. Visitation will be necessary of course to see how he is doing, and to keep him feeling secure as possible. But use what free time you have to take a deep breath, try to get some time to relax even if it just to open the window, listen to the sounds of the outdoors, the birds, breeze ( if it is warm enough where you are) and just let your muscles relax, or get your hair done, whatever feels right and what you would like. But please do not carry guilt and punish yourself for this situation. The fact that you even ask this question proves how devoted you are to your DH. Be at peace and we will all pray for his swift recovery from surgery.
Oh, Chris, now you can BREATHE! for a minute. And be sure that when he comes home you have all the support he'll need. Or more precisely what YOU will need.
After reading Chris's post I have been thinking and DH has said two or three times his legs felt weak. Is this a normal progression of Alz? If he falls I know I will have to call 911, there is no way I could get him up by myself and down 3 flights of stairs to get him to the hospital.
Jean, yes, it is a progression of the disease and when he does fall, and you call 911, tell them it is an Alzheimer's patient who has fallen and you just need help getting him back in bed. Unless, of course, something is wrong with him or he's broken something! Of course, you would go to the hospital in that case! But several of the ladies here have spice that have fallen and had to call for help just getting them back to bed. They are totally dead weight when they are on the floor. They can't help you help them up.
This reminds me of the time DH was hospitalized a month or so before he went into the NH. I took him to the emergency room because his feet were swelling and he seemed even more confused and disoriented than usual. We hung around the ER for hours, and when the Dr, told me he was ok, we could go, I started to cry. Part of me wanted there to be something wrong that could be fixed and bring him back to a little more clarity. The Dr. sensed that I was overwhelmed and offered to admit him to give me a rest. And I definitely did rest during those days as much as I could with everything going on (kids, job, etc.)!
I think I probably felt bad that I was relieved to have him out of the house, but I had been feeling so overwhelmed as he became more and more debilitated. (At that point he was already incontinent and wandering constantly.)
Similarly, when he went into the NH, my greatest emotion at the time was probably relief that I didn't have to worry about taking care of him anymore; it was just too much. A little while after that, the grief and loneliness set in as I realized what I've lost. But I think it's natural to feel relief at first.
Anyways, don't beat yourself up. You deserve a break!
Chris, what would you have done for him if you had stayed at the hospital? He was in good professional hands. You did what you were supposed to in getting help. Try to take advantage of this period of hospitalization in whatever way is best for you.
The anesthesia really turned my DH for a flip and we had to hire private duty nurses for 3 weeks. 24 hrs. a day. You should consider yourself blessed if your husband doesn't have raging behavior, ...as most of the older guys do. Get as much rest as you can..you deserve it.
Chris, I am so sorry your husband fell and broke his hip. When our loved ones are injured or ill it complicates the caregiving. As a nurse, I would like to encourage you to not feel guilty that you didn't stay the night with him. That is what the nurses,and doctors are there for and they are there for him 24/7. You deserve to take a bit of a breather and take care of you. As a caregiver to my husband with EOAD, I know that is easier said then done, but you deserve a break to prepare for when he comes home.
today was unbelievable. i got to the hosp at about 10.... he was in pain, not because of the surgery, but the catheter. and did I tell you he had just had 2 rounds of antibiotics for a UTI. OK, the catheter was so bad, that they had to insert it under anesthesia, and then.... today, pain, and burning. OK, so after several hours they removed it. hardly any urine. I won't even go into the insanity when they got him out of bed, and he waltzed himself and the rehab team into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and wouldn't get up... he thought he had to go, but he had the cath still in. Anyway, after all kinds of raging, they finally took it out, I didn't leave there until 11:30 tonite, we went for ultra sound, afraid that there was something wrong with the kidneys, bladder anything.... no, he's dehydrated. he just doesn't drink!!! Probably why he got the UTI, and probably why he fell. Anyway, I'm exhausted, but he didn't want me to leave. finally he admitted that I wouldn't be able tobe with him tomorrow if I didn't leave tonite. Probably Saturday he goes to a nursing home for a week or two of rehab, that's when I'll get my respite. the hosp he's in has no visiting hours, it's all visiting hours, 24/7. I'd rather they chased me out at 8pm, so I could go home. thanks to all who responded to my post. this group is so important to me.
OK, got a call at 3am this morning, he was wondering the halls. no walker. Anyway, I got here and they moved him to the geriatric ward, where he can be watched. they couldn't handle him in the regular surgery ward. OK. what next.
chris that is unbelievable him up after surgery like that alone. i think i'd be screaming bloody murder a the charge nurse on duty. obviously someone was sleeping on duty. try to get him bed rails if possible. i know our hospital allows them when dr says so. i have harped alot about catheters and uti. they are very uncomfortable for these poor dears, bad enough on a non AD but they dont understand its for their good and pain thresholds are intolerable. i hope they get him somewhere he can be managed without incident. divvi
Chris, I'll repeat that the anesthesia will cause our dear ones to do some wild and crazy things after surgery. It takes a while for it to get out of his system. I had the same problem with the cathether/dehydration until they began giving him IV liquids to pump him up with flluids. Dehydration also causes behaviorial problems.
My dear uncle had a knee replaced last month, and the stories from his family made me laugh and cry! He does NOT have dementia, but was reeeely affected by the anesthesia. One morning his wife found him sitting on a chair outside his hospital room door stark naked except for a towel in his lap..and he refused to speak English, only Spanish. The staff was keeping their distance, because he told them he was a MARINE and had a .45 revolver hidden in his room. That! dear friends, is what anesthesia can do to some otherwide brain healthy elders... When this event is over, he'll be mortified!!!!!! The family posted funny (but necessary) warning signs on his door reminding staff not to touch him if he was sleeping (he's almost deaf). He was startled one night when the nurse came in to take his vital signs.... and he grabbed the male nurse around the shoulders in a hard grasp and wouldn't let go. He thought he was back in WW2 in the Pacific and had caught a Japanese slipping up to his foxhole. I will add that I've been told that giving anesthesia to anyone over 80 is a very dangerous thing, because when the brain is put into that deep sleep, some never completely return to their original mental state. Don't know if that's verifiable, but I know it fast-forwarded my husband from early Stage 5 to Strong Stage 6+.
Oh yes, we have had our share of anesthesia problems in the past. In the Geri ward there was a man across the hall who kept making noises, sounded like he was vomiting. DH decided that they were renting rooms to some drunk, and they really should be careful about that. (his parents rented rooms in their home years ago so I guess that's where that came from) then he got diarhea. So he's already dehydrated, now he has to keep getting up with the walker and the newly broken hip, screwed together, to get to either a commode, or the toilet. and then he didn't want me to leave. No visiting hours at the hosp.... better when they announce that all visitors must leave... tonite I got home at 11. God, i hope he sleeps tonite. BTW, I found out that the nurse was with him, of course, because the bed was alarmed, and the sides were up. she was bringing upt he rear with his iv pole. BTW, he pulled out the IV tonite in the bathroom.... Blood everywhere!!!! he was sitting on the jon, and I gave him some privacy, since he had diarrhea, and he called me to say look what happened... riiiight... what happened.
Oh Chris....I know what you are going thru. The few times my husband was admitted to the hospital I just stayed with him. I knew that they did not have enough staff to watch him 24 hours and he was a rascal. He would pull the IV out, undress and walk around nude, pee in any available place....it was not pretty. The rooms at this hospital had a pull out chair that made into a bed...not a very comfortable one, but a bed nonetheless. It was exhausting....I hope he slept and you were able to get some rest....Hugs....
So, they called me at 8am asking me to please come in right away. so here I am, and he's sound asleep. no shower for me, no breakfast, throw on my clothes, barely comb my hair..... and he's asleep. they gave him haldol. so why didn't you give it to him last night???? and they took out the cath... well I was begging them to do that yesterday. He's supposed to go to rehab Monday. I hope I live that long. And I hope he'll go.
Chris, I hope things are going better today. Since you had mentioned in the past that your husband was on antibiotics for UTI, if the diarrhea continues, have him tested for C Diff. My husband still is fighting the C Diff from the antibiotics he was given for a UTI....that started the 3rd week in February.
Chris, why are they calling you at 3 in the morning, when there is nothing you can do, just to tell you that they aren't doing their jobs by watching him? If my husband ends up in the hospital and they call me in the middle of the night and it isn't a life-threatening crisis, they will only call once.....because that hospital board of directors will hear from me!!!
You have had to take too much from that staff. They obviously have not been trained on the care necessary for an Alzheimer's patient. Something needs to be done to help you. And your husband!
I would take a large bottle of 100% Cranberry Grape juice to his hospital room, put it in a glass with a straw, and try to get him to drink the whole thing, using any excuse or bribery you can.....really and truly....my husband drinks 16 ounces of it a day, and - knock on wood - hasn't had any problems. I'm a firm believer in the stuff. Especially when you think you need to go and can't....
I hope you get some peace and quiet soon, and he's at a place where you can trust he's getting the best of care.
he's at a nursing home for rehab. We got there, I looked at the other residents and felt so sad. I wanted to just take him home with me. but I know I can't manage at home without help, so there he is. he does have a roommate, so he's not all alone. thank God for my son, who came over to the facility to handle things. I was on the verge of tears the whole time. But everyone seems very nice, and assured me that he would get the best care. He ate all his dinner, which he didn't do the entire time he was hospitalized. but it is scary when you do that. and this is temporary. i can imagine how those of you who have placed your husbands must feel.
So they called me at 7 this AM to say he was disruptive and noncompliant..... yes, he has alz.... didn't you know that. had an argument with his roommate, took off his clothes, walked the halls without assistance, yada yada yada. wouldn't you think they would know how to handle this.?
chris if at all possible maybe the insurance could offer some help with hiring a cna or private nurse to be with DH while hes in rehab due to the AD. i think for your own peace of mind it may be worth looking into. some of the same nurses that workin these places offer private duty as well. it could give you some relief to know hes being looked after and you can get some needed time to yourself. its obvious alot of these places are not equipped for AD - maybe speak to the dr about a full scaled skilled facility that deals with more one on one care and or the private care nurse would be my suggestion. hope it works out. divvi
When Paul was in the rehab Hospital last year we pretty much stayed with him until bedtime. I paid a friend, who also helped me at home and she stayed several hours during the day. He was much more co-operative with a familar face around. If you don't have someone available you can't do this, of course. It does take a few people. I was fortunate to have a young lady we have known forever and she is very outspoken and good with elderly people. He would say something to her and she would come right back with a flip answer in a way he accepted. Many times she told him he was not going to talk to her that way, she would not allow it. (he grinned)
Chris, I'm so sorry that he has had to go through this, and sorrier that the nurses seem determined to be tattletales instead of handling the situation! There should be CNAs who could be assigned to sit with him, I would hope.
Maybe he needs a medication adjustment. A lot of them act up a lot after surgery. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.
Sounds like my experience with the Geropsych unit recently. I go in at 2 o'clock for visiting hours and find DH standing in the middle of the room with only his socks and depends on. There were no clothes lying around, shoes and cane missing. Took a lot of searching to find clean clothes. The aids found his shoes in someone else's room and his cane in the day room. This place had only 20 patients to look after. Visiting hours were limited and I wonder what else went on. They told me he would not sleep at night and he seemed very confused. HELLO......
Oh Chris, I'm just catching up on your horrible experiences. I don't know what else to say, except that you and your husband are in my prayers. Hang in there my friend. You strength is impressive. Arms around, Susan
Thank you all. What really upset me was that this is a NURSING HOME.... where they also give rehab, and he is in the ALZHEIMERS unit of the nursing home, while he receives rehab.... hello, where are we? He wants to come home, but really, altho I almost took him out today, I decided to give it some time, mostly, because he is so unsteady on his feet, that I'm afraid he would fall at home, until he is stronger. he did have a broken hip, and now had 3 pins holding him together, and this only happened a week ago TODAY. Of course he's confused. Ah well, the good news is, they want you to leave at 8pm, so I've been home, as opposed to when he was in the hospital, and I was there til 10 or 11pm each night. Also, the nursing facility is only 10 minutes from home and the hospital was 1/2 an hour, at least.
Hang in there, Chris. What an ordeal for both of you. Hoe things go better soon. Amazing that these places would call you to say that your dh is behaving like an Alzheimer patient.