I asked my husband if he wanted to eat at the local Chinese Buffet or go home to eat. I didn't explain that if we went home to eat I was going to pick up some chicken, etc. I just asked which he preferred. The answer I got was, "I don't know."
I get a lot of "I don't know."
Are you hungry? I don't know. Would you like lunch now? I don't know. Are you cold? Sometimes he can answer this one, sometimes he can't.
I'm careful to make the choices really easy. A or B with no explanations to mess things up. How do you handle this? At this point he can make simple decisions. I would like him to keep doing that as long as possible.
Usually when I give my wife options, she says she doesn't know or doesn't care. Yesterday I offered her the option of going home for lunch and see what I could find, or going to a local restaurant. She immediately chose the restaurant, but when we got there had forgotten why we went there. I still give her options, but usually have to make the decision. This is particularly true in ordering at restaurants. She usually orders whatever I order, so I have to be careful to be sure it is something she would like. If I know she won't like it, I usually order for her.
This is quite common--making a decision is very difficult for AD patients. So don't ask 'do you want breakfast now or later?' just say 'breakfast is ready.' Don't offer eggs or pancakes, just say 'I made pancakes.' Don't say do you want the red sweater or the blue? just say here's your pretty red sweater, don't say do you want to eat Chinese or at home?, just say 'the Chinese restaurant is in the next block we'll have lunch there' or 'I'll get Chinese and we'll take it home'--just whatever works to avoid their having to make decisions--things like that.
I like the idea of keeping my husband involved in making decisions ... even if he really can't think things through, he feels a part of it. Bare minimum, he knows I'm talking with him.
So one suggestion I've seen is to offer A vs B, both very simple, like Starling does. Typically, I've been told, the AD patient will pick the second choice (possibly because that's the only one they remember???) So if I have a strong preference, I offer it as the second option. :-)
But if my husband refuses to decide (he doesn't say "I don't know", he says "you choose"), then I make a choice for him. I usually ask if my choice is OK with him, as another way of trying to find out if he doesn't want to choose, or is too confused by the choice or the way I phrased it. I think he often knows what I'm asking, but it's just too hard, too tiring, to deal with choices. So I kind of let him decide if he wants to decide.
(I know how he feels. I'm really getting tired of making all the decisions. It tickles me when he's willing to do it these days!)
Sometimes he really surprises me -- he is not only ready to make a choice, he sometimes doesn't want A or B, he has his OWN option. So I'm a little uncomfortable just telling him what we're going to have or do, as opposed to trying to find out what he wants. But I'm sure that will change as the AD progresses.
Like Starling, Marsh and Sunshyne, I've been offering my husband A or B choices at restaurants - for about a year and a half. Twice this week when I said let's go out to eat, he said no. So I cooked. Then, yesterday, when he said no, I said that I was tired, that I had worked hard all week and I didn't feel like cooking. He said okay. At the restaurant, I gave him his usual A or B choice (he chose B as usual!). When the food was served I noticed he was having difficulty managing getting the food to his mouth in his regular fashion, and his hand was shaking a little. I think that maybe that is why he doesn't want to go out - he's losing the ability to feed himself in the normal fashion. I watched him at lunch today at home, and the same thing happened. I guess he's turning another corner. Our going out to eat may be severely curtailed if not stopped. Thank goodness for take-out! :)
He has always shadowed me when I'm home. If I go to the bathroom, he comes back to see what I'm doing! If I go outside for the mail, he is right behind me. I was planting my flowers in the outdoor pots for the patio, and instead of helping me as he used to, he just stood and watched. He couldn't even hand me the pot that was right in front of him. I'm afraid he's not going to be able to stay at home alone much longer. Do any of you discuss day care as option A and in-home care as option B with your spouses (spice) when they seem to be their old selves? I don't even MENTION ALF or NH. But the three times I thought he was "with" me, he response has been "I'm not there yet" - so he wouldn't choose, and says no to both. I'm sorry that this is off topic, but it is part of the A or B questions, so maybe you will let it slide, just this once! :)