We have a member who e-mails me - she is not comfortable using the message boards, and she needs help. I have posted her question for you. My husband is not at this point, so I have no suggestions for her, but I surely want to hear yours for when I get to that point. Thank you. Her question is below:
joang
I need to ask if you get your loved one to the toilet and you have to convince him this is the toilet and this is where you pee....is there a solution?
I'm not sure this would apply to men, unless you can get them to sit down to "pee". When I get my wife to the toilet I turn on the water in the sink. This seems to give her the idea, and soon I hear her "peeing".
On another note, she has been incontinent of bowels unless I get her to the toilet in time. Last night she was watching TV (U. Maine lost to BC) while I was in another room at the computer. I went back to check on her and she was gone. I found her in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, having a BM!!!
You pick your battles. One day you can lead them to the toilet and they will stand there and look at you and at the toilet, and sometimes you get results and sometimes you don't. Just have Depends on them and take them every two hours and change them if they need it. Don't worry about the small stuff...washing clothes and throwing away Depends is less stressful on them and on you.
Sometimes you will be lucky like Marsh was....sometimes you will borrow Divvi's crown.
You couldn't force your toddler to go to the potty when they were 12 months - 2 years old...I used to sit my first one on the toilet, run water in the sink, sit on the floor and entertain her for an hour hoping for results, then when let up off the toilet, she would go in her pants, or take her pants off when I wasn't looking and go in the closet!! You now have a 6 foot toddler....some are afraid to sit down - perception is off - and some will sit to go.
You can't make them remember what a toilet is used for. All you can do is try to lead them there, and stand there behind them with their pants down, and hope - or change them regularly. Be flexible...
Mary said it well. once they dont recognize the toilet you can only guide them at intervals to try to stimulate the urge. if they dont go in the toilet you will soon find yourself in puddles where you least expect them -in garbage cans, drawers, closets, just about anywhere. if the urge is there they go without remorse of consequences. scheduled potty breaks may work. if they are at a stage where they dont do in a toilet but will go somewhere else, putting a depend on them may not solve the issue either. my DH would pull down the depend and go at a place of His choice not mine! this is the part of incontinence which is very stressful -alot of work- and you wanna pull your hair out. they are inbetween minor-mid-full incontinence stages. belieive it or not, i find having full incontinence stage is less worrisome for me at this point than before. at least i know now where i will find a BM and urine. not a good phase to be in but at some point a depend will be a good choice - getting there is a whole nother issue with sanity intact. many here have good pointers. each one will find what works best! good luck, Queen Divvi of Doo (VBG)
What a day! No poop in the pot in the morning, so I left him to Andrew's ministrations and came home. Half an hour later, as I was getting him ready to go to the support group (he LIKES it) I smell him. Change, change, change. We get home, he gets up from the car, and he goes again. I clean him up again, (this is all very difficult since he uses a walker, and our lavette downstairs is tiny), sit him down to watch music. He gets up again, I hear him pooping again and say the hell with it. Take him in to eat dinner. He gets up, and away he goes again. Get him up to bed after cleaning him once again. Gave him immodium!! (he had already had one in the morning) I always said that I'd never put him in a facility because of incontinence, but it's days like this...
We are suddenly having trouble in public places; we went to see the movie Alice in Wonderland last week and I always make sure dh goes to the toilet before we go into the theater. This was a theater we don't often go to; he came out of the men's room looking sheepish and bewildered and said the toilet wasn't right; he couldn't go there. Tried again a few minutes later, different men's room, same result. Sure enough we had to leave the movie before it was over; he said he was wetting his pants. Ran to the men's room, now he did go (maybe). Fortunately he had dark pants on.
A few days later we went to the movies again, this time with another couple. There they had a handicapped toilet that we could go in together. That works pretty good, or having him go in with the other guy. THen after the movie on our way to the restaurant, we were all looking into a gallery window and I suddenly realized that dh was no longer beside me. Male friend said, Oh, he's found a tree over there. Right downtown, with all kinds of people on the street, he was peeing "behind" a tree.
briegull i am fedexing the poop crown to you girl. you win the prize for this week. hope it gets better with the immodium! i know the feeling of cleaning them up and 10min later another bath. it sux. try to remember they arent doing it to irritate but because they cant help it. and they'd be mortified if they knew what they put us through it helps to remember this sometimes. hugs, divvi
jeanette, sounds like depends may be in the future sooner than later?? try to keep an eye on that urinating in public. esp if kids are around!!! could be problematic divvi
My husband is not incontinent but the other day we went to our local forest preserve to walk the trails. Halfway through our walk my husband unzips and starts to pee by a tree. OMG, at least no one was around.
Briegull, I feel for you! Jeanetter and deb, my husband went through that stage as well....remember my telling of him going outside to the edge of the house and unzipping and going?? That was when we added key only dead bolt locks on the house!! And on the caregiver cruise 2009, he went off the edge of the boat (the little one between shore and the ship).....and a few other places I won't name here....and thank goodness that phase lasted less than six months..get them in Depends quickly and hopefully, they won't pull them aside to go whereever in their mind the toilet is....
You see, they THINK THEY ARE GOING IN THE TOILET...remember the reason button is broken; and the perception button, and the common sense button, and every other button you can name!
The best results happen when you lead them to the toilet every two hours and always before leaving the house and as soon as you return to the house.
This will help. Did I mention that AFTER I'm having my hardwood floors refinished? Guess why..... <grin>
In the last few weeks my H has gone in the closet in a drawer, his pants, the garbage can in the laundry room, the WASHING MACHINE and the DRYER. They are all white except his pants. I guess that is understandable to confuse anything white as a toilet.
Jules, our toilets aren't white.... <grin> one is pink and the other is tan....the 1960s, you know!!! I'm just glad they aren't yellow or green!!!! <grin> One of these days I'm replacing them with white!
it is my husband who does not know the toilet is for taking a leak, he has no aim left,so shoes, socks, floor and clothing gets wet,....but the urinal does help at night, standing, quick back to bed...
oh boy, jules sounds like your DH is going on to the hooligan ways!! omg. i have dejavu!!! hahah--get some of those white plastic trash cans and leave them around the house in plain sight for him to find! it works is he finds it he'll use it most of the time divvi
Divvi, I did exactly that, plus I leave one of his depends in the bottom that isn't too bad so that it soaks up the pee. Is necessity the mother of invention? I think one of us will one day come up with something remarkable to solve this dilema. Mary - better watch your tan appliances if you have any.
Jules, if you are referring to the KITCHEN appliances, as they have broken down, I've replaced them with white (dishwasher, refrigerator, stove, etc.) but have a stainless steel sink. He's never gone in the kitchen (thank goodness!) and now is at the point where he can't go anywhere without my holding on to him, so I'm safe! <grin>
I have been sitting by dhon the toilet for about a yr now. Recently he has decided that the bathroom sink is the place to go! I plan all our trips around family restrooms as he can no longer go in by himself. A year ago we stopped at a truck stop to use the restrooms. He didn't come out. A nice gentleman approached me and told me he was washing his hands in the urinal and went in and helped him. I love people like that!