My husband is 66 years old and has EOAD, bi-polar and a diabetic. He has known about the AD for one year, daughters and I have figured it out for about 2 years. He can get pretty aggry at times. I came home the other day and he says he wants a divorce...I know that he says that because he cannot drive now and wants to go "galavanting" alone.. We have been married for 46 years. Of course he is not getting a divorce . Anyway do any of you have these problems to go thru too? I am in louisiana.
worried wife--be sure to do that. You asked if we have problems like you're facing--Yes. And othr ones too. We are here to support each other as we Caregive on the Dementia road. Tomorrow, you'll be welcomed and directed to entries which speak to your current issues. We support, vent frustrations, share information--whatever it takes to get through. Some of us are beginners on this road, others down the road a ways, and some have completed the journey (they have * after their names). Ask whatever you need to know, and someone will probably have an answer or an idea to help. Sorry you have this road to travel, but you are not alone anymore. Welcome.
Welcome worried wife. Others will be along to welcome you in the morning. My husband is 60 (I'm 51) and was diagnosed with FTD (frontotemporal dementia) when he was 58. Driving is one of the issues that can really cause problems. Ask any questions you want and vent away. We are all here for each other...
Adding my welcome here too. Yes..many many of us have been in similar situations, I'm sorry to say. BUT the topics here about driving probably will be helpful to read. I don't get to post all that much but can assure you that the collective army of helping hands has been a sanity saver for me. Again welcome.
Welcome, worried wife (good name, that's what a lot of us are). My husband is 62, was diagnosed with Alz almost 2 years ago. He doesn't drive any more either, except on the very rare occasion. I think he knows he needs me, so we have never faced the divorce issue. I'm glad you found this site. It has been a tremendous help and support for me.
welcome worried wife. i brought up the driving and divorce topics you may find them helpful.
yes divorce and driving may well go hand in hand. haha. most ofus who have taken spouses driving privleges pay the price with threats of just about everything. taking thier freedom to come and go is a very touchy subject but we must do things to protect them and ourselves.
hope you post often and join in the comments. divvi
Welcome to my website. We have all been through what you describe in one way or another. Some of us worse than others. You have come to a place of comfort for spouses who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". There are 4 sections for EOAD members - two of which focus on the young teens whose parents have EOAD (early onset AD). There is a great section on informative videos, and another excellent resource - Early Onset Dementia - A Practical Guide.
Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a new "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
As to the driving issue - NOTHING gave me more grief than that. My husband was voted the WORST AD patient ANYONE in my circle ever dealt with concerning that issue - that included neurologists, social workers (3 of them), psychiatrists, psychologists, and friends. The anger and rage was unbearable. We almost got divorced over it, and I almost had a nervous breakdown. Risperdal finally calmed him down - that and his own Alzheimer buddies shunning him because they couldn't stand listening to his constant complaining about how horrible his wife was for taking away his freedom (driving), and how he couldn't adjust to not driving. He never did adjust to it, but at least now he shuts up about it. Divvi brought up the driving topic for you to read. Go to the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com, and look on the left side where it says Previous blogs. Type "driving" into the search engine, and my blogs on the subject will come up.
Hi, Worried, Welcome. I too am reasonably new to the site and find the support and information to be invaluable especially considering we only have one ALZ meeting locally a month. Our leader is very good but you may want to read Joan's advice on ALZ meetings as some are good and others not. AS to driving. I have the same issue with the driving as others do but thankfully not the divorce problem. I think my DH knows he needs me to do this not so much from the AD aspect as the other health issues he has that leave him tired if he drives as it requires so much attention. I do, however, face the issue of I can go to the barber shop or grocery store but then asks me how to get there or to confirm the route. When it comes to the driving thing, I try to tell him, well I need to keep my driving skill up to par and it gives us time to be together and do something together other than the usual household activities ( which he doesn't help with anyway). Sometimes being creative, though tiring for us, can be useful. Keep in touch with us here. No matter what time of day you check in someone may be around ( time zones : 0 ) or you may see your issue and get support just lurking. Hugs, Mimi
Welcome, worried. Glad you've joined us on the road. My trip has been made better having this site to visit. Much helpful info is shared; you're not alone. Someone has usually had our experiences as we're all at different spots on the trip.
No driving issues here since hb took a cognitive/range of motion test a couple years ago and failed. He did worse than he would have, I think, because he was suffering from kidney problems we weren't aware of until the next week. He was surprised he failed it though. Hb has vascular dementia and can still dress himself: 4 shirts, 2 prs pants. Shaves occasionally, showers only when sternly directed, and as others have said, "Unless/until you shower we aren't going...wherever it is he wants to go."
Welcome WorriedWife, you have landed in the best of all possible places, given our circumstances. Whatever problem you have, someone will have a suggestion or idea, answer, or just a shoulder for you. Arms around, Susan*
My DH is 59, is type 2 diabetic, on insulin, and bipolar 2. (MY DS, who lives with us has type 1) I suspect at some point his dr. went from treating bipolar to treating the dementia symptoms. His psychiatrist was actually the one that suggested the neuropsychiatric testing.
Hello Worried! Welcome to this wonderful place. It will change your life and ease your burden of caregiving.
My husband started have major aggression issues...and OF COURSE everything wrong in his life was my fault. He was still driving but never thought anything was wrong with him (even after 8 years of AD). He ranted and raged and even woke me up at night to rant and rave at me. He called on of his sons and told him that he was going to divorce me. Thank goodness, his son understood AD a little bit and told him to not divorce him and for him to stay with me. We have been married 26 years. My husband was the kindest and sweetest person in the world before AD. So....I believe threatening divorce in not uncommon.
Worried Wife ... you have indeed come to the single best source for people like you ... and me. My EOAD wife was diagnosed at 63 even though I saw signs of MCI at 60 and was positive she was in early stages of AD at 61. Anyway, she has not driven since August ... it was a struggle, believe me, to get her to stop driving ... but now that the weather is getting nicer here (Long Island, NY) she is telling me that she wants to drive again. We've had several arguments this week about it. Refuses to give up her license, etc. So ... it's an issue ALL of us at this site face sooner or later! Hang tough, Worried Wife!!
The mood changes and the anger and rage of dementia are horrible to deal with. Just the slightest slip of the tongue and he goes from a sweet person to a monster. The driving issue was difficult at first to deal with, but I had been driving a lot after his surgery, so the transition was probably easier than yours. Even now, after three years of not driving, he still asks, "Why can't I drive? I've been driving for _____ years!
Hello, I am new to this site.My husband was officially diagnosed with dementia, alzheimers type secondary to traumatic brain injury. The injury was when he was 18 years old and he is 61 years old and diagnosed 1 year ago, but has had symptoms a good 5 + years. The progression of his disease has been pretty rapid over the last year. Tonight I am discouraged and feel pretty isolated in this journey.
SandyRN The feeling of isolation is one thing we can do something about. Very soon, you'll be welcomed by many member of this site, and by Joan, our leader. You'll find very quickly, we will listen, help, vent, laugh, cry, educate, whatever you can think of I bet someone has xperience to share, or ideas to help, or even just a shouloder to cry onm or a Hug to see you through. Tell us more about yourself and where you are in the progression--if you know.
I am caregiver(61) to my DH (67) with VaD, learning Disabilities, and Schizo-Affective Disorder. He is in Stage 6.
Welcome to the site. This is a place to vent, ask questions and even laugh. Yes, tell us more about yourself and your husband. My husband is 60 and was diagnosed with FTD (frontotemporal dementia) at the age of 58. I'm his caregiver (51) and we have two grown children--a daughter and son.
Welcome SandyRN. This is one of those rare sites that can help you through those very difficult times that you are already experiencing and that lie ahead. I am 63 and my wife, to be 64 in 2 months, was officially diagnosed with EOAD a year ago after showing definite symptoms for 2-3 years prior to that. She is now moving quickly from early to moderate stages of AD. I am involved with probably a dozen sites online, as well as attending a weekly support group, but this is definitely the single best site for people like you, me, and countless others. You'll find lots of new friends ...and information ... and support from people on this site. Hang in there, SandyRN.
Worried wife and SandyRN, Welcome!! We love to have newcomers, even though we are sorry for the reason you (and all of us) have to be here. We offer advice, friendship, the ability to vent, rage and ask questions - which we will answer to the best of our ability! (((((HUGS))))
welcome worried wife and SandyRN. My husband was diagnosed with FTD at 58 and is now 60. I am 58. Mood swings,anger and aggression were all part of his behavior until he was put on the right meds which took 4 months to get the right combination. He never asked for a divorce but I was seriously planning one due to his radical behavior changes before we knew he had dementia. Driving thankfully has not been an issue - 2 years ago he got lost on his way back from the grocery store and ended up 150 miles away. State police called me to get him. After the incident I took the car keys and gave the car away. Fortunately he's never asked to drive "my" car. Regarding license - you or the doctor can write to the state and advise them he is no longer fit to drive. they will suspend his license indefinitely and ask to have it returned.
Welcome, Sandy and Worried Wife. You've come to a good place. It's good to experiment with the Search button to find discussions on the topics that concern you right now. There is so much information here! It has made my life with an AD husband much easier. One of the most important things I have learned here is the value of medication: my dh now takes Risperdal which has calmed the anxiety that caused his rages. Today he was so agitated I am starting to wonder whether he needs something more or different.