I just did the same thing last week. I made the new account in my name only and left enough in the old account to pay bills and I can use the Internet to transfer additional money to it as needed. My husband does not use the check book, nor have a card but I thought it would be simpler at end of life stage.
After too many late fees my husband finally got angry at me for being upset. He threw the checkbook at me and said you do it-implying that I couldn't. In a very short time he forgot that we even had a check book. Once I was sure he had forgotten I switched everything to banking on line and made sure to keep my password secret.
We have a separate money market savings account in a credit union. DH's SS check goes in there every month. The checking account is closer to home and is a working account. My SS, his pension, a msall IRA distribution, and a payment from dividends and interest go into the checking acount. I pay all the bills, etc. from that. If there's a huge amt left over, I write a check and put it in the money market account.
Also have a completely separate debit card. We took it out two years ago when we went to Greece. We used it while there and once when we got home. I added $$ to it and haven't used it since. I get a statement every month along with my checking account statement. It is not connected to our checking accouont. That seems to work. So far, we've had no problems.
Well the court hearings over guardianship drags on thanks to the stepchildren from He.. The point now is moot, as my husband has ask me to take him home to die. I am bringing him home next week and hospice has said they usually give the pt 7 - 10 days to make certain that is their final decision. One would think at this point stepchildren from He.. would become human, nope. They wanted total control of my home during the final days of their father, another legal battle. So I am bringing him home, and his kids have reasonable visiting rights. The hard part for me will be when they take him off the ventilator. I know he will be sedated, but I just so hope he doesn't suffer. Has anyone been in a situation where a vent has been removed? Hospice assures me it is not uncomfortable. I am so sad, but his fight is coming to an end and he called the shots. He stated clearly he is through. His clear thought process amazed me. His internist told me that when a person knows they are going to die, their thinking is able to override the ALZ to an extent and they are clear. He is only in stage 3-4 so still early but he has been so confused, so when he told me his wishes and his dr and his nurse, and the psychologist, he chose that time when everyone was there and clearly answered their questions about his intent to go home to die. The human body never ceases to amaze me. The next week or so is going to be so very hard but I promised him I would keep him home to die. Hope the stepkids find some decency during this time.
You will be in my thoughts ASY. My heart goes out to you and your loved ones. Please know that we here participating on this forum are on your side and you will be constantly in our thoughts. Love and I wish I could be with you to hug you. Lee
I am so sorry for you, ASY, such a terribly sad time. My father was a doctor, and from everything he told me over the years, that is a peaceful, gentle way to go. And perhaps, when faced with the reality, the stepchildren will finally come to their senses. I will hold you gently in my heart.
Asy, will be thinking and praying all goes peacefully when the time comes. i know exactly what you are dealing with firsthand with stepkids from hell. you'd have thought i'd learn my lesson the LAST marriage..take comfort knowing we all care. divvi
As a pulmonary physician I have taken several patients off of ventilators at their request. None have asked to go back on even though I set it up so that they could if they wanted. I hope his experience is as peaceful as others I have seen. You are in my prayers.
marsh-they say they will put him on a morphine drip and he will not suffer air hunger, is this your experience? I just want him to not be scared or suffer.
Thank you all for your support. divvi I have learned never again, stepchildren can be worse than the devil himself. Sunshyne, bluedaze, divvi, and marsh, I have spoken with you all for some time, your support is so welcome, I thank you. This website has gotten me through some mighty tough times, I trust it will help me get through this with a little help from my friends.
ASY, have you had a chance to read the booklet, "Hard Choices for Loving People"? It is really good for a time like this, and you can download it for free at:
http://www.hardchoices.com/
Click on "Complete Text (PDF)"
It says that medicines (such as the morphine) -- as well as supplemental oxygen, if desired -- can be used to address any discomfort or fear of being short of breath.
My father had bypass surgery. It went well, as far as his heart was concerned, but his lungs did not recover. He was a doctor himself, and was adamantly opposed to going on a ventilator. He asked to be put on morphine, and his death was very peaceful -- he simply slept for a few hours, and after a while he just wasn't with me any more.
ASY, the morphine drip will definitely help relieve any "air hunger" or anxiety. Sometimes the patient is also put on nasal oxygen. I had a patient once who, after being taken off the ventilator and put on nasal oxygen, pulled the oxygen off as he didn't want anything to prolong the process.
ASY, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope you and your husband will have some peace from those kids of his. You have been so patient through all of this.