I am sitting here crying. All day I have been near tears and it is finally coming in streams. My DH is now in a new stage of incontenance and not knowing most people and at times I think he doesn't even know me. He is 66 and has had this for 9 yrs now. Do we always live each day wondering if this is the day? So many have gone through this same thing I know and have survived. I think I just needed to say it out loud to someone who understands. Thanks.
Dear Brindle-we all do understand. Is this the day? Nobody can tell you that. Try to get throlugh one day at a time. Don't worry about "what ifs and maybe ifs".
It's okay to cry. Every new stage brings another heartache and new tears. We all understand how you feel. We get through it, as Bluedaze says, by taking one day at a time, and knowing that all of us are going through it with each other.
Yes, we know exactly how you feel and there are no absolute answers, just one day at a time, one hour at a time. Keep posting here, you are not alone. Feel our cyberstrength coming to you. You needed to say it, it helps that you did==and we are the ones who understand. No explanation is necessary. Blessings, dear Brindle.
Dear Brindle, Without a doubt keep posting here. I am kind of new myself and have had the chance to attend only one local Alz mtg so far. It was a good session, but there is nothing like being able to check in here and know that you will find someone on board who can offer suggestions and encouragement.
Just today I too had one of those moments. We had been to the first doctor appt and then to lunch. Then home just for a few minutes and then to the second doctor appt. On the way home DH said to me"Did we have lunch yet?" I said let's try to think about that for a minute. What have we been doing today? He thought for a minute and then decided yes we had gone to lunch but not sure where we went or what we had...that was all within the space of about 3 hours... first appt was at 11 then lunch at 1145, home at 1230 and second appt at 115 for all of 20 minutes..So sad.
Then on the phone tonight I heard him say we have not had much rain this season...we have had a ton of it! I keep trying to think back to when the first signs were showing up but that I missed them. Sometimes I feel bewildered too..we all do. It is only when we share our tales of the events that we come to understand others have already been there and share tips and support while others of us are still at other phases..and these phases crisscross each other which makes it even more confusing.
It sometimes is one day at a time, sometimes it is morning to afternoon..It is like Meniere's Disease ( which I have) very unpredictable!
Some days are worse for us caregivers than others Brindle. its my opinion for what its worth, that its a necessary part of the ability to retain our sanity by releasing these negative thoughts. we need to try to ease our minds by saying it out loud and allowing it to absorb. is today the day? we cant know that but what we do know is to take each day individually and not look at the whole long picture ahead. one day at a time gives us the time to adjust whatever may be coming in the days/yrs ahead. you are not alone. all of us caregivers have these tormenting thoughts. try not to dwell on the whats coming and live in the now. each day even in the last stages has some rewards if you lookfor them even while we know the end could be at any time. if you havent already, you may want to check with your dr about an antidepressant to help you thru this time. many here find it eases the pain for us caregivers. today will pass and tomorrow will be better. and know you will be much better prepared for all that you are feeling. divvi
brindle, somedays may even be minute to minute. A few days before my husband was admited to the hospice home, as the aids were helping back into the living room after they have bathed him, he grabbed me and started to slow dance to a song that was playing. The aids were in awe of this, two minutes before this they couldn't hardly get him to walk. I cherish that moment and I thank God for it, because the next time the aids were there, he was on the attack. Which was the day I placed him for respite care and medication adjustments. No one knew that he wasn't coming home. We don't know if today is the day (I don't think we could do this if we did) but seize a good memory from every day. I am sure that if you look hard enough you will find one. I didn't see my dh the first day and 1/2 due to my being exhausted and everyone telling me I needed to rest, I regret that, but had I not had that time, I couldn't have been with him to the end, and I was with him 4 out of the 5 and 1/2 and there when he needed me the most. Divvi is right, check into seeing a doctor for yourself. We are all here for you!
Good morning. I want to really thank you all from my heart for all of your words of encouragement. I checked in last night and saw some responses already and they really helped. I guess some days are worse than others. It was just one of those times where nothing seemed to be going right (no BM's, my LS acting up). This morning is so much better. Again, thank you all for being here for me and everyone else. I find the blessing that at least he does not really suffer. I pray each day that caregivers will be blessed for their work.
Dear Brindle, we are all in the same boat. Take comfort in the fact that we all have this place. This disease sucks, and the very wise people here are right. Minute by minute.
I always reassure myself that no matter "how bad the moment is right now" it will be better later. The other day my dh was humming the song "You Don't have to say you love me, just be close at hand." That more than made up for the bad moments we had been having. Hanging on for dear life....
For me, right now, it isn't even day to day, it's moment to moment. The day will be going so well and then, all of a sudden, I say the wrong thing (sometimes I don't even know what the wrong this is) and the day is ruined. The anger appears where once there were smiles. This cuts to my heart because I want so much for him to be happy, and he usually is because he doesn't understand that something bad is happening to him. I am grateful for this, I wouldn't want him to be sad or fearful. But, I am. Moment to moment is extremely difficult, as all of you know. Living with the knowledge that if the wrong thing is said the whole day could change is extremely nerve-wracking. But, at least, I awaken in the morning hopeful that this day will be a good one, and, hopefully, when I go to bed at night, the day was a good one.