therrja, I saw the movie Percy and the Lightening Thief and enjoyed it. I like fantasy too.
My husband went to his daycare today and I didn't really do anything except stop for some coffee and read my book. I am starting to enjoy my time alone but I worry about my husband at daycare because he won't participate in most of the activities. The staff tries to get him interested but he just tells them no and sits in a chair and dozes. Really bothers me--should I keep him in daycare if he is not doing anything there?
silly question deb!! its still respite for you girl!! he may eventually join in at somepoint. they know how to encourage him to participate. enjoy your free time and dont worry so much- divvi
Thanks divvi! I think I just needed someone other than my mom and sister to let me know it's okay to let someone else keep an eye on him. For some reason it really bothered me today when they said he didn't want to do anything and I got all teary about it.
Deb, he is still seeing some different people and getting a different kind of stimulation. If he chooses to not participate, that is fine. Enjoy your time.
My husband was a "leader of the pack" type of person not a follower. He would never join in any of their games. I thought it was sad but it was truly his personality. Funny thing when he was normal, I never noticed him not joining in - probably because he was leading......
beautiful sunny day here in Eureka Springs, AR. The tourists are starting to arrive and people around town are smiling and out in their gardens. DH and I have been so close for awhile now. His progression has been slower than I imagined although now I can't fathom what exactly will come next and in what order and how it will affect us. He's mostly pleasant, often quite witty, and mostly a joy to be around, especially compared to the first couple strained years with the rages and frustrations. His lapses and confusions are all the more startling now and have begun to talk long and seriously with him again about preparing to give up driving. We moved here so he could walk anywhere he needed to go but still he loves to drive and it is going to be difficult.
Deb, I am in about the same position as you as far as day care is concerned but I firmly agree with divvi -- we need the respite time. Was it you or someone else here who said they could feel the tension flow from their body the moment they dropped their LO off at day care? That is exactly the way I feel when I get dh into the van three mornings a week. I think he would prefer not to go, but cannot vocalize this. And I don't give him a choice and try not to feel guilty about that. I know that I'm better able to take care of him and will be able to do so longer if I have some days off. The staff have some trouble getting him to participate but they work at it and he does enjoy the active games they do in the afternoon.
More trouble with the care facility re. dh's infected toes. (CNA stands for the Canadian Nurses' Association.) This excerpts are taken from emails of the past week, but you need to read the last entry first to make sense of it all: Here is an email response to me from the CNA about their position re. decision-making by patients: "However, under the value Promoting and Respecting informed Decision-making the code also say that "nurses respect the wishes of CAPABLE persons to decline to receive information about their health condition" and "nurses recognize and support a CAPABLE person's right to refuse or withdraw consent for care or treatment at any time."
Below is a portion from my email of yesterday to the Provincial Director of the company owning this facility, showing that E. is deemed "not capable." "Furthermore, he has Dementia of the Alzheimer's type (diagnosed in Jan. 2007) and was declared incompetent to make personal decisions in the spring of 2008. This diagnosis was made by two doctors, one of whom was a geriatrist. M.L.K [Director of Nursing Care at the facility] is aware of this; therefore her statement from her e-mail to me of March 1, 2010 is not correct. M. L. K. wrote: " It is reasonably practical given the cognisance of Mr. Nicol that if he wishes to refuse the treatment for one evening he be allowed to do so."
its surely irritating mary75! even if your healthcare POA kicks in after 2drs declare him incompetent you already have that now-so why on earth isnt the NH taking YOUR instructions for healthcare instead of E- knowing he has been deemed incompetent? they are bound to go by what has been legally declared and not how they deem his cognisance on a personal level -its mindboggling all the incompetency you must deal with with regards to staff! wishing you the best with all this= divvi
The CNA gave me a link to the CNABC. Here's an excerpt from their email:
"Please find below the e-mail link to the Patient Care Quality Office for Vancouver Coastal Health Authority, Once you have this site open, go to the top section where it says “Compliments & Complaints” and then click on this link. It will take you to the information for the Patient care Quality Office."
So I did this, and now have been in touch with the Patient Care Quality Office who want to follow through, with my permission. I fired off that permission last evening when I came home from visiting DH at the facility and saw the sloppy and dangerous job done by the care aide. Letters from my lawyer were sent to ex-wife and stepchildren this past week. By the way, still not able to block her calls - I'm beginning to think that she has somehow blocked my block: I think someone on this site said it could be done. But I'm too busy at the moment taking care of Eric and the NH to take care of that business. Thanks, as always, Divvi, for your support. If it weren't for this website, I would feel terribly, terribly alone.
mary again you have POA over E's best interests. why not just setup an answering machine and catch all calls and then when you can- monitor and return as 'needed'. if the calls are upsetting to E then its in his best interest to avoid speaking directly to incoming calls on his own. there are cell phones that will allow only certain numbers to come thru for children. my grand has one only 3 numbers go to/from her phone. you could plug in key numbers and start fresh by blocking old numbers. you have been dealing with this nuisance soooo long! i hope you find a way soon to get a grip on all this-its not good for you or E. again wishing you all the best. divvi
feeling better today about daycare. Thank you to everyone who told me to have him keep going. I know I need the time away from his behaviors (he has FTD). It's sunny here today so that's good. Hope you all have an easy day.
Beautiful day here - got out and did some gardening. But, I am out of shape and soooooooooooo in pain!!! Oh well, looks good. I did find that dh is no longer to do yard work like he use to. He did a lot less than he use to and is exhausted tonight. It makes me wonder if it is the namenda or just the disease? I am only giving him the nameda in the evening and it has helped during the day for him not to feel so tired.
With a lot of help I made it through yesterday. During the night I developed GI upset with nausea and retching, finally vomited (all over the bathroom floor). Although it was Saturday, the day care center was open for a caregivers retreat. I called to tell them that I would not be at the retreat and they offered to take my wife so I could get some rest. That meant calling for one of the nurses in Assisted Living downstairs to come help me get her dressed and give her meds. Then I called the woman who usually takes care of my wife when I have to go out in the evening. Fortunately she was available and came over bringing me some ginger ale. She did the laundry, including the bed pad my wife had wet, and cleaned up the bathroom. She then came back around supper time, made me some milk-toast and took my wife to dinner in the Inn dining room. Today I am much better, but still no energy. We didn't go to church but (I) listened to the service on the radio. This "bug" seems to be going through the Inn.
Hope you feel better soon, Marsh. Wonderful that you were able to organize so much good help so quickly. I know I try to muddle through too much on my own.
For you young whippersnappers here is the recipe: American > American Other
Milk Toast
(This recipe yields 2 servings) Printable Version
•4 slices of toast •4 pats of butter •1 tsp cinnamon and sugar •1/2 cup milk Heat milk on low.
Butter toast as you usually would and sprinkle each piece with cinnamon and sugar. Tear the toast into bite-sized pieces and place in two cereal bowls.
Pour warm milk over toast pieces.
In the early 1900s, Milk Toast was popular fare for children and the ailing. It is still popular today among poor families and singles.
What a glorious day here. Went to breakfast with a group of friends. DH is in good spirits! Came home and I worked in the yard for awhile and DH watched KY play FL. A new Peddler's Mall just opened up a few blocks from us, so took him to walk around there (better than Lowe's); All he bought was a U of KY cap. He's now playing his golf game on laptop and keeps hollering to me to ask if he can do anything in getting dinner ready! It's only 4 p.m. At least he wants to help.
Bluedaze, the only difference between the recipe you wrote and what I had was no cinnamon and sugar. I'll have to try adding that next time (but hope there isn't a next time)
My dad used to eat milk toast but he called it "graveyard stew". He worked shift work and often ate it when he came home from an afternoon or midnight shift and wanted something hot before he went to bed but was too tired to eat a meal.
Was really sore today but that is life!! In a couple days it should be nice enough to go back to work in the flower bed. My sister keeps saying she doesn't care what we do there, so I bought a flat of white pansies today (she doesn't like them but they are the only pansies that smell). I want to put color in there and maybe it will perk her up some.
My bil called this morning. My FIL has been confined to bed the last week in a lot of pain. They are giving him pain med to try and keep him comfortable. BIL says he reaches out like someone is calling him but then draws his hand back like he doesn't want to go. Sounds like his AD journey, after 25+ years, is finally nearing its end. Not sure how hb feels about it - he hasn't said anything.
Good morning to all. monday and dreary windy, gray and raining again. i much prefer the sunshine we had the last few days! spring is around th corner so they say (G) in just a couple of weeks. i know you up north cant wait. its surely been a harder winter than most.
DH is better now after a round of antibiotics.havent heard yet from hospice what the test results are but the starting of drugs early on surely helped curtail whatever was the issue.
lots of housework to do and no energy with my arm. but its somewhat better with the home therapy.
squirrley is about ready to pop i do believe. she comes only few days /wk now for her pb/jelly sandwiches. she stands so politely now in anticipation of my cracking the door to throw it out to her. some added walnuts for 'cravings' just in case. yesterday i heard that feeding wild animals is really bad for them. uh-oh. too late i think for squirrley. who can resist feeding colorful birds that sing every morning? i am a sucker and so be it.
i hope you all are having a good day and a decent week. divvi
I just returned from visiting my husband at the ALF. I guess he had been up since 6:00 this morning....way too early for him. However, they did wake him up to give him the antibiotic, with my suggestion they are going to change the times. He would not eat breakfast, other than a banana & chocolate milk. Would not let them change him from his pj's, however, they had no problem yesterday, when they let him awake on his own. With the help of 2 aides & myself, we were able to get him cleaned & dressed. I shaved him, however, there was not part in brushing his teeth. I did stay to help with lunch. He ate a little....not much, but did drink 2 glasses of milk & ate all his applesauce. He was ready for a nap. I am going back at dinner time to feed him again. Hopefully, he will eat some more, he has lost 17 lbs. in the last couple weeks. The aides will feed him, but I thought maybe if I could get him to eat, he would start letting them feed him or be able to feed himself. Other than eating & a few behavior problems, they tell me he is doing fine.
Its a warm sunny (at least for this time of year) almost spring day here in southern New England. The dogs and I had a wonderful walk this morning - their steps are springing too!
It has been an interesting experience giving fluids to the cat. The first night I failed - didn't have the needle in her properly. Saturday I got some more instrutions and got the needle in and gave her some fluids - she got fiesty at about 50 ml (need to get 100 ml in her) and I started to feel like I was going to pass out so stopped. Sunday I got 50 ml into her and she got fiesty - I had a full stomach so did not feel like I was going to pass out. Monday - got some great advice from my more experienced sister. She said - heating pad and bribes (treats). So, cut up a piece of ham very small, put the cat heating pad under the towel and proceeded. She was so busy eating her treats, she never noticed the needle and fluids going into her so I got all 100 ml into her. Lets hear it for bribery!!!! Of course the other 8 residents wanted their share of ham too!
He is sleeping more and more when I visit him now. I find this hard to visit and not have any interaction. Even if it is just eye contact, that helps. I find that I am emotionally stepping away and distancing myself. The chaplin at the facility has assured me that this is healthy and normal. I am having very mixed feelings on this one.
therrja you are doing a great job all around. I am slowly losing my senior cat. At age 18 with arthritic joints I have chosen to gently let him go. He is still eating and drinking but losing weight (wish I could). Gracie-my new cat is doing a great job of looking after Dennis. Wish people would be as caring as pets. My daughter asked if a friend could stay with me for a few days while she looks for an apartment. It is a month later and she is still living with me. It is getting very old.
Bluedaze, I am so happy that you have Gracie. She is a blessing for both you & Dennis. Hope your bed & breakfast guest has luck finding a place soon! A month is a LONG time. Katrina sends a purr to Gracie & Dennis. ♥
The sun has risen over the trees in the back pasture. Just really glad to see each and every sunny day. My grandchildren are in Houston at the Livestock Show, showing their steers. This is the first year in too many to count, that I won't be able to be in the stands watching. Our children grew up participating in the shows with their animals, then the grands when they were old enough. I can't shepherd DH in such a huge crowded and confusing place now. Last year, I realized that we couldn't do it again. A good Wednesday to everyone.
Another warm day here, although we had some rain overnight and more expected the rest of the week.
Took DH to Lowes already this morning; picked out some paint for the covered back porch and he agreed with the color I picked out! Bought a new ceiling fan for the porch also. Our great "handy-man" will do the painting and put the fan up. Yay for handymen! I'm so ready for real spring!
Going to a caregivers luncheon today - speaker is on Medicaid Waiver. Should be interesting.
Good morning all. its bright and sunny here today. spring is sprung maybe! birds singing from treetops this morning. DH had the dread uti last week. test results from hospice came back with bacteria cultures. thank goodness this hospice dr is in the know and started him early on cipro. he's doing well this week again. no warning either the silent uti arethe pits. they can creep up in hrs. we were lucky and on the mend thankfully.
spring break next week. the beaches will be swamped with kids. grandaugther turned 18yrs old. sigh. seems like only yesterday she was jumping on my bed with that monkey song! aww.
walked by the balcony last evening and saw a glow in the tree. casper the possum is back.. haha.. bigger than ever he looks like a lightbulb in the nite poor guy such white hair!
trying to get spring cleaning done. but not much effort so far
Divvi, I am sure you know this, however, just a reminder to be careful with the Cipro. Too much Cipro is what caused my husband to be back in the hospital with C Diff.
Well, the weather people are saying the weekend will be rain and lots of wind. Good weekend to get some inside things done before spring really gets here and I want to be outside as often as possible.
I saw the first crocus in my garden this morning ready to open. It is a nice yellow one so will be even more enjoyable as the color says sunshine to me.
Rainy weekend also means that I will deliver my mother's plants to her. I have been taking care of them for 4 months under the fear of killing one of them so it is time for them to go back to her. Her house now has heat and electricity so they will be going to a safe place.
They lost another resident on my husband's floor this week - that makes 4 in less than 3 weeks. I can really feel the difference in temperment on the floor when I walk in after someone has died. It is a sad and happy moment. They are no longer suffering (this person was suffering) and yet it is so sad that they are gone.
The chaplin at the facility made a very insightful comment. She told me that she believes that when it is the right time the person will go and no amount of medication and life saving will stop it. I still trust that when it is time, it will happen and believe that my job now is to ensure he gets the right care for him.
It's a rainy day in Florida but I am happy. My "guest" for a few days who was here for a month left this morning. I am still doing laundry. My laptop is back in my office where it belongs and things are returning to normal. My poor cats will have only me to sleep with tonight. I didn't mention this before on my post about restraints. It is considered a restraint to have a bed against a wall. What planet are the powers that be living on??
bluedaze - are they from Mars with no caregiving experience? I agree with the theory behind not restraining a person who doesn't need it but have a hard time when it is seatbelts in a chair, beds against the wall so they don't roll out - these are safety measures.
Congrats on your long term guest finally moving out. I love company but still also like my space. A friend of ours once said the following about company "love to see them come, love it when they are here, love to see them go". That kind of says it all.
For a very rainy and cool day, it's been a good one, so far! Took DH to Walmart this morning, picked up some fresh tomatoes and mozzarello pearls to make a salad and it's now marinading in olive oil, red wine vinegar and basil, along with a few slices of red onions. DH watched KY beat AL and is now watching TN and Ole MS. He has suddenly become very interested in the basketball championships. Keeps him busy all afternoon. He has been so good today. I feel like I've just gotten some respite!
Hope you all have a good evening, and a better weekend.
I have the mother of all head colds! I have no idea what we will have for dinner. I put a eye of round roast in the oven and that is as far as it has gone. DH has gone to lay down so when he gets up he may just have roast beef sandwiches. I haven't eaten properly since Wednesday. My nose is sore, raw and hurting. I need to go to the store so I hope and pray that I will feel better tomorrow. DH said he would go. No thanks, the last time he drove my car he managed to scrape it. Of course it wasn't his fault! Not to mention he never remembers the controls!!!!!.
For reasons I am not totally clear on, I have just been chosen (railroaded!!!) as chairman of the steering committee for the Weinberg Grant. This is a grant, given to several areas of the country, to develop care-giver resources and networks in rural areas. I am still trying to figure out the details of the grant and what we are supposed to do. Fortunately, the steering committee meetings are held while my wife is at day care, so I don't have that problem. I'll be interested to see if they charge me for the extra hour she is at day care while I am at the meeting (the day care center is one of the lead partners for the grant).
It's only March and all our snow is gone. Temperature today was 51°, beautiful sunny day. We didn't get the rain southern New England is getting.
Marsh-you are a care giver. What better qualification would the committee need. Your knowledge of caregiver needs plus your medical background make you a sure winner.
Finally, some good new regarding my husband today. After the hospital stay for the UTI & C. Diff, my husband has lost 17 lbs. in a little over 2 weeks. Also, since his hospital stay he would not eat or use utensils...either an aide or myself had to feed him the little he would eat. Today, he ate his breakfast & lunch, the best part is at lunch he actually ate 2 pieces of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, applesauce & ice cream himself, using utensils..as soon as I came through the door I had everyone telling me what a good day it was for him. Another great thing is that he did not swing at anyone today. Still cannot get him to shower or brush his teeth, however, he did let me shave him. Today was good!
Kadee - if he needs those 17 pounds, I will gladly send him some. I have plenty to spare!!
Went to Taco Bell for lunch today. I was asking hb if he wanted to go back to his dad's funeral when he dies. Previously in 2006 when we were back there we said we would not. Now he says he would like to go back before he dies then he can say he saw him before he dies. That surprised me. He won't know us and won't even know we are there, so I see no reason to go back to see him. I can see visiting his sister again while they still know each other. She is a little further along than hb I think. That is a lot of money if we went back to see him before he dies. I might consider the funeral. He wants to drive the motorhome but that would cost a lot. I will have to compare flying/motel/car vs MH and RV park of which there are not a lot of in New England.
Has been raining the last few days. Depressing because I would really like to get the pansies I bought planted. And I am tired of the wet and cold. I know, we have not had the cold and snow, but after the months in Nevada in 2008, I have decided I am a sun person. I love the greenery of the PNW, but miss the sun!!
Since my honesty with my sister the first of the week, she has gotten out of bed and doing more. We haven't spoken but once, but that is fine with me for now. She has our younger brother to keep an eye on her.
Went and bought a new laptop today as my 6 year old laptop literally went up in smoke last night. Didn't want to spend the money but I can't go without a computer. I need my support from all you guys.
Got a nice Compaq with Windows 7 and I'm still figuring things out on it. I'm going to have to bring my old computer to the Geek Squad and have them try to retrieve all my files from my old computer. They told me that as long as the hard drive didn't fry, they should be able to retrieve my info. Fingers crossed.
Morning all, another grey, dreary day here in Maine, matches my mood. Both my sump pumps have been running steadily, so far so good. As Marsh said, all our snow is gone, really weird for this time of year. Trying to talk my self into getting up and dressed, just sitting here curled up in Jim's favorite blanket. Blah.