The one year anniversary of Dh's death was Sunday. I went back and reread some of my earlier posts and came across this one that I wrote July 07. Just a reminder of how things were.
"I've only been here for a couple of months and have done a lot of reading and postings. I've agreed with some and disagreed with some and some I just skipped altogether. Some of what I have read has scared me and some has helped me. That's not really why I'm writing this.
Most of you know that I am the sole care giver to my husband, Bill. He is in stage 6 going into stage 7.
There are things I have to do or help him with but that doesn't matter. I think I must have it easier than most of you who have your LO at home with you.
I normally get up before Bill and have a cup of tea. There are times when I hear him get up that I ask why he doesn't sleep just a little longer. He will get up get dressed and come into where I am. This morning he came in with three shirts on. So what, it didn't hurt me. I gave him a cup of coffee and his medicine and he told me how good it was. It was day care day so I told him he would need to take a shower. He said ok. I had to help him take his shoes off, no big deal. I turned on the shower and got things ready for him, no big deal. I stood outside the shower and told him how and where to wash, no big deal. He shaved after his shower. Did a very poor job, but so what. I clean his false teeth, not a big deal after I got use to it. I help him get dressed, again no big deal. I cook for him and put it on his plate and cut his meat, that doesn't take that long. I answer the same question over and over, frustrating for sure, but no big deal. I guess when I look at what I have to help him with, it really isn't that big a deal.
He is here with me. At times he will look at me, smile, put his arms around me and tell me he loves me, THAT IS A BIG DEAL
It's tiring and frustrating when he get totally confused, agitated and angry, asking to go home, to see his mother, not KnoW who I am, and yell at me. But when I read what everyone is going through, I feel like I have it easy. Maybe that's lucky, maybe that's because you have all helped me see and understand more about what is going on.
No matter what I do or will have to do to make things a little easier for Bill, it will be no big deal compared to all the wonderful and happy times we have shared together.
Without the help and information I have received here, I don't think I would feel quite so lucky. NOW THAT'S A BIG DEAL."
This was written a year and a half before he died.
Joyce, I was not a member here in July 07, so thank you for bringing that forward. That's exactly how I feel. Anything I now have to do for my DH is no big deal compared to everything he has done for me in the preceding years. My best to you.
Joyce, hopefully your pathway is easier now and you will be able to remember only the good times. Thank you for sharing again. Please stay with us. ((((HUGS))))
Joyce, That was one of the most beautiful things I've read here. Thank you for reintroducing it to all of us, especially the newer ones. It does put things in perspective.
Monday was the one year anniversary of my wife's death. Joyce, you were right. All of that stuff was no big deal. There were days that were challenging, but once you accept what's going on, you just press on. I feel like I've been on some bizzare, time-accelerator, alternate dimension, wild ride for the last three years. For those still on the journey, try only concentrating on the next ten minutes. When the ten minutes is up, do it again. Then again. That was my technique. It seemed more manageable than planning days. No matter how wierd it gets or what thing that you are doing to get through this ten minutes, it's no big deal, maybe you get to rest in the next ten minutes.
Just like many others I was not here in 07. I am so happy that you posted this for all of us. It is so true.
Most of the time I feel the same way but sometimes I fail and need to take a breather and slow down. All of this drama is so cruel but when you see the face of your loved one looking so innocent and confused because they don't know what is wrong, you realize that your issue is no big deal. Their issue is. That makes me take a second look and be kinder and try to make the best of the bad situation that we are dealt.
Joyce, thank you for being so thoughtful. It was so kind of you to think of helping us. That, my friend, IS A BIG DEAL! Stay in touch, we love ya. Arms around, Susan
Joyce, I wish I had read that sooner. I agree with you, what we "had" with our spouses is what matters. Your devotion to this site and bring that back to share is wonderful. Everything in perspective, once you lose them, you realize how precious every cognitive moment was. Thank you and (((((hugs))))). Yesterday marked four weeks and today is my birthday. I survived both of these milestones.
I wish you a good day magnoliarose*. Do you have any plans for today? A lot of milestones coming up, but we can survive them. Not always easy but we've survived the hardest part. Now lets get through the rest.
I will say Happy Birthday, even though I know how you're feeling. Maybe you can get out with some friends or family. I just wanted to be left alone for all those firsts, but the kids refused to go along with that. Just do what makes you feel the best.
I hope things are going smoothly for you, take care of yourself.
Thank you for your word of wisdom, I have always enjoyed reading your posts. I know we can't go back to the past so I try to make the best of it. My husband is "still" here, and I am very thankful for that!