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  1.  
    After a lifetime of cooking for family and spouse it just isn't any fun cooking for one. I prefer fresh food and am fortunate to have an excellent local farmers' market. I hate the clean up. I recently bought a Micro Grill. No-it isn't like the real thing but its ok. I preheat it in the micro for two minutes, pop in my meat and in 2-3 minutes it's done. No clean up.
  2.  
    Find a friend and go out to eat for lunch at least once a week. It will help you immensely to do so!!
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    Mary-I totally agree. I go out with a group of widows often. I'm not really a widow but what are we?
  4.  
    Semi-widow? or, in the alternative, new mother of child? :) More nurse than anything else, I think. I consider myself a member of the Ya Ya Sisterhood! :)


    I mourned the death of my marriage as it had been 2 years ago. His personality changed so much, and he lost the ability to carry on a conversation - just two or three words to get his point across. So engrossed in his wants (for instance - when he wants to watch a movie, it doesn't matter if we are in the middle of a murder mystery), that his thoughtfulness had disappeared. (I DIVO anything I want to see and watch it after he goes to bed, so he has free rein over the TV.)

    I've accepted this wonderful young boy into my heart and we're having a good time for the most part. I refuse to look for what I had. Even if once a month or so, I see a spark, I know it's fleeting.

    I'm grateful that he hasn't done what Joan's husband is doing right now. I really feel for her and others in this stage, because it hurts so bad. I know it will be coming here as well, but for now, he's sweet, he smiles, and he cuddles.

    I'm cooking for him as always, but I'm almost to the point where I am going to have to come home for lunch and prepare his food. He sometimes forgets to eat, but when he does, he makes up for it by eating chips and salsa and peanuts!
    • CommentAuthorJudy
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2008
     
    I've been thinking about asking how everyone manages food issues also. My husband puts the strangest things together when he is 'fending for himself' from the fridge. It isn't safe for him to cook. He can use the microwave but not because he actually knows how. He can push a button and if its not enough, he pushes one again.

    Some of the other things I'm noticing have to do with difficulties managing food on his plate. Things sometime drop off the fork or spoon. Things drop sometimes from his mouth..not sure if he doesn't like the texture or whatever. It seems that he is less capable with food than other activities of daily living..(aka, ADL's).

    When I am not here, even if I've left food in the fridge for him, he might not eat it. I've wondered if it would work better to make a complete plate (like a TV dinner) rather than a casserole dish.
    • CommentAuthorfrand*
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2008
     
    Judy - I think casseroles are easier. There are times when my DH needs to put food on his plate and he gets confused with too many choices. Does the gravy go on the salad or the potatoes?, etc. I also put a large spoon out so he has that as a choice rather than a fork (PD makes that easier). Anyone who leaves a spouse at home is at an earlier stage than we are. I have a basket by his chair with protein bars, nuts, and fruit. That gives the opportunity for grazing. My DH could not use the microwave and barely can find the can of dog food in the refrigerator these days.
    • CommentAuthorMsAbby*
    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2008 edited
     
    Oh Mary; thank you for your note. I hadn't recoginised that I no longer bother to watch TV; it continually get interupted or changed. He is totally self absorbed; and must absolutely watch that cowboy movie he's (and I) have watched twenty+ times before.
    And meals are also according to his whim; dinner always at 8:30 or later and ladden with butter and salt...
    So I cook two meals; mine healthy at 5or6; and later a salad for me so I can sit with him later. I thought this all was maybe normal...
    But it's the disease. He is totally self absorbed. And he gets belligerant if I try to change any of his plans. So I adapt...
    And this morning he told me to come in the bedroom and find his clean pants for him;
    they were, of course, the same place they've been for years, in the middle of the closet right in front of him...
    So I will try to find a lunch companion for weekly normalcy... Thanks