Monday's (5/5/08) Blog is about handling insults from your AD spouse. My husband would NEVER insult or demean me, but now that AD has invaded his brain, he has trouble with impulse control and judgement, resulting in him insulting and berating me (mostly in private, but it has happened in public). I invite you to read the blog and offer your advice and opinions. Does your spouse do this? How do isolate yourself from the hurt?
Joan-before I even read your blog I know where you are coming from. I get so tired of telling myself it's the disease not the person. You are always wrong and they are always right.
This hasn't happened to me as yet. I'm sure it will, and I'll be paying close attention to what the others of you who have been through this have done to try to prevent it, control it and if not, how to keep it from hurting so much. Telling ourselves it is the AD is not much consolation when ugly things come out of the mouth that has kissed you and told you he/she loves you. I really feel for those going through this stage. Hopefully it is a short one.
My DH insults me several times a day, alsmost every day. He tells me I'm stupid, that I mean nothing, that I'm lazy and do nothing, that he does what he wants to do not what I want to do. He no longer has any sense of caring for anyone. He is a mean selfish child.I try to tell myself that it is the disease but its hard!It is such a negative atmosphere to live in. Hes taking prozac. That is supposed to help with temper tantrums and meaness. I think I need it as much as he does. I try to read only books that have a positive message, liten to music I like, watch classic movies, go to the gym when I can, go for a walk,pray, medidate if I can. But some times its such a downer that nothing works.There is no doubt that I will not be able to care for him as long as I could have if the anger was not present.Why do the insults happen mostly in private?Is it really "only" the disease???At times I think the anger was always there but before AD he could control inappropriate behaviour.Bottom line, I don't have a good answer. I'm just muddling along as best I can.
I'm dealing with some mean spiritedness. Someone here said that if you look back and see how the LO was before the disease, and just magnify it, that is what it is going to be like with the disease. And that is true. The things that he said that were mean happen now a lot more often, but they are basically the same things.
I haven't figured out how to let it go - it takes a while. It hurts so much. I play tennis with a mixed group twice a week. I am 70, but some are older than I am. I have not shared this problem with them, but one of the men did notice that I had been crying when I got there one day. He later told me that I am a beautiful woman, that he would love to have me run off with him, travel, go on cruises, keep him company. I can't tell you how good that felt. Now, I have to tell you he is 93 and very healthy and hardy - maybe he doesn't see well. But when I get out of this love relationship, I will thank God for it and ask him not to send me anymore. But it is humorous to think I could be an old man's darling at 70.
PS - When he starts his ugly talk, I just get away from him. I have set up my "haven" with a single bed, computer, books and I just come in here and shut the door. He is still in a bad mood, but doesn't have company or an audience. I have learned that any kind of talking I do, only makes it worse. I used to try to "reason" with him and that could go on for days and weeks until I was devoid of any energy and obviously any sense. I have learned, that just can't work with their AD. It has to be so sad for them.
I have the appartment in town and it is my sanctuary. DH is just too big and strong for me to handle him and it is just best if I get out of his sight. A couple of days later he calls and acts as if nothing has happened. I still am wondering about his behaviour and how much control he has over it when he is diagnosised with MCI and hasn't progressed to AD. Man, can he be a first class "prick" sometimes!
I haven't got a "haven" and then again maybe I do. But I am learning to walk away and just let it all roll off.
The meaness hurts. But it is a lot better than rage. And if I manage it well by just getting away it doesn't move into real anger. A few minutes later he has forgotten whatever it was that made him make the mean statement in the first place.
My husband has always been one of those people who thought he knew everyone else's business better than they did. His way is the RIGHT way to wash dishes, for example, and anyone who does it differently is doing it wrong. In case anyone wonders, his way it totally weird, and certainly nothing a home economist would have taught. <grin>
These days his right has become RIGHT!!!!! And after a while you begin to see the humor in the entire situation.
It seems some of you are confirming what I , at times, suspect. The personality traits, such as meaness, being a right fighter, or in some cases gentle and loving were always there . With AD the control on unacceptable behaviour is gone .My DH was inclined to think he was always "right", but now he is MEAN. Apparently many AD victims never display anger. Perhaps their personality was always positive and understanding. Of couse, I'm just wondering.
I’m curious on this subject. Are men more prone to this behavior than women? The only male caregiver that I recall who had issues with aggression and insults was C, and he wrote that his wife was helped immensely with medication. My wife is approaching stage 6 and I have never had an issue and a male friend of mine whose wife passed away from AD said it was not a problem for him. DickS
We hear about it far less, maybe because men don't want to talk about it -I have received e-mails from men whose wives are verbally and physically abusive. I personally know of a man whose wife's abusiveness is escalating as her AD is progressing.
As with everything concerning AD, it's unpredictable, I guess.
My husband says insulting things, feels terrible when he says them, promises never to say them again, then forgets he says them.
Amber - I like the apartment idea I have been looking ever since I see that works for you. You are right, after a few days, he seems ok. If I stay here, even in another room with the door closed, he escalates. He looks good to everyone else, Others do see the forgetfulness, but pass it off as he is such "jolly" person now. Used to be very quiet and reserved. He has always been a sweet caring, protective, sophisticated man with beautiful manners. That is what attracted me to him. I have never seen him be mean to anything before in over 40 years - he has always seemed to have a tender heart for man and beast. He did decide in his head this weekend that I had told him that the cat had to be put down. He took her while I was out. When I got home and called his cell, he was crying, telling me what he was doing. Thank God, there was a line and he had to wait. I told him to come home ASAP with the cat - and he did. There has never, never ever been any conversation even close to that in this house. But something in his brain "snapped" and told him that had happened and he had to do it. My concern, what next. I am truly worried. So, it seems we are in suspension - not AD - but MCI doesn't seem to be a significant diagnosis for the strange behavior he has. He does see a psychiatrist and she is helpful. So far the neurologist seems to think it is something I am fabricating. We are looking for a new one. Thank goodness we have validation from everyone on this website. Before this I knew I was going crazy - now I just only "think" I am sometimes. Thank you for sharing.
Yes, my spouse told me one day that "Being Mean is the way he likes to manage people. If they don't do it his way he is Mean to them until they do..." I was incredulous! He is mean one moment and a charmer the next; depends on which neuron is firing at that moment. No wonder I walk on eggshells, and we have few friends... I battle self esteem issues. But I realize he has a disease and just try to walk away or insulate myself with other things (IPod audiobooks is my favorate). Good luck to you; it is hard living with someone who is sooooo very mean and negative...
In answer to Dick's question, my wife, who is in stage 4-5, has never been negative or angry. She frequently tells me that she loves me and needs me. She has often told me that as a child she had a terrible temper, but found a way to control it. Apparently the control has continued even with AD (at least so far).
faith&hope- I know that if I were to ever give up the apartment that at this stage my life would be a living hell. But because he wants me back in his life full time I have some control. I also believe that this is their dominate personality trate coming out. He too was a boss and the people under him were to do his bid and call and now he wants me to do this. NOT!!! because, guess what, I was a "boss" at my job too. Talk about 2 type "A" personalities.
Does anyone else here deal with the "control and punishment" issue? If I can't get you to do what I want you to do then I am going to punish you this way. You want to get my back up just start that. Now I work with people that are intellectually challenged and I know with working with them you can change their behaviour but it is so tough with this disease because all the brain is doing is slowly turning off and there is no way you can teach behaviour management techniques.
My DW is also very happy and loving and this makes caring for her ever so much easier! I can't imagine what I would do if she were abusive. We had a few months at the end of last year after she had knee replacement surgery when she was suspicious and accusatory. It would turn on and off like alight switch. During this period, I wasn't sure how long she could stay at home. In fact, in one of her moods she would tell me to put her in a home because I didn't need this.
One of the support groups I attend is for FTD. Those members seem to be split between those whose spouses are docile like my wife and those whose spouses are volatile and abusive.
Control and punishment? About a month ago I snapped. I had been totally isolated mainly because he didn't want to see anyone and although he is capable of staying home alone he didn't want me going anywhere without him. I suddenly realized...
IT IS NOT MY FAULT AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO FIX IT.
I suddenly didn't care if he decided not to talk to me because I had gone away for half an hour so I could go to the library alone. If he didn't want to talk to me, that was a good thing. Because when he did talk to me he was being mean and nasty.
It was amazing. Once I stopped caring if he was too quiet or unhappy and the "punishment" stopped working, the too quiet and nasty periods stopped happening. Is this behavior management, or is it just me acting differently and so he acts differently? I don't honestly know.
Starling-I truly believe that our loved ones react to our actions more than our words. While being blissfully unaware of most things they do sense our stress.
Starling - Yes....once I moved out his abusive behaviour slowed down considerablely. He knows I can stand on my own 2 feet and that if I have to I can live my life without him. He now puts alot of effort into controlling his behaviour so that is what makes me wonder if it is the disease or is it him.
I find it a relief to see others are experiencing the mean phase. No one ever said anything about how nasty and hurtful the situation would get. My husband is mean and nasty to me, but delightful with others. He keeps threatening to divorce me. He blames everything on me and now claims it is me with dementia. We are still not certain if he has AD or Lewy Body Dementia. Matters not because mood swings, personality changes and forgetfulness is still impossible to live with without Xanax. One more threat to divorce me and I may take him up on it, at least I will get my life back.
ASY-this may sound terrible but this is what I did. Husband could maintain his cool when he really had to. Most times he would rage for hours at people who couldn't fight back. As his behavior deteriorated I let him self destruct. He was hitch hiking on our main road trying to get to Iran. A neighbor called 911 because he feared for hubby's safety. I stayed out of it and he went completely out of control with the police. They took him to a psych unit in handcuffs because he would have attacked them. Until that point I don't think people realized how far gone he was because he could maintain the facade up to the end.
In response to DickS, my wife has been delivering insults at me for over a year now, It has escalated from a few comments here and there to an almost steady non-stop stream of insults. A year or so ago, I started making a list of all of the insults, the vile words, etc. that she used toward me and in 11/2 years, I am up to 116, with no repeats. I finally stopped since it was too depressing to read. I have kept up the listing of physical abuse started in July 2006. In the remaining 6 months, there were 10 attacks. In 2007 a total of 52 and in the first four months of 2008, there have been 54. We can see where this is going. When I ask her why she is so abusive toward me her reply is "because you deserve it" I quietly take it for a while and then I loose my cool and scream at her, which of course does no good, but I can only take being called every four letter word in the book for so long. I am learning toooo slowly to just walk away from her when she starts the name calling. Sometime she follows me through the house and when that happens I go outside, get in the car and leave, any thing to get away from her. This seems to work the best. I need to get better at taking my own advise. Thank you Joan for this web site. Until I discovered it, I though I was alone in what I was going through. I even began to wonder if I was the one with AD.
bluedaze-thank you for sharing. I feel it will be a law intervention with my husband also. I find I too am letting him self destruct and eventually the law will be involved. What can you do when no one really thinks there is a problem. His docs tell me call 911 when he becomes threatening. OK that's what I'll do. How do they maintain that facade so well to all but the closest people? The energy that must take!
ASY I once called 911 because I was really scared. Hubby covinced the police that it was a domestic issue. When the police arrived they asked me how old I was-WHAT!! Then they looked me up and down and said-lady-you look like you can take care of yourself. I'm 5"1" and weighed 110 pounds. I had brought my hubby home that day from the psych unit because he wa doing so poorly there and I felt sorry for him. The unit wouldn't take him back and I had no place to turn to. We care givers are really left out to dry.
I was really looking for some solace tonight after a very difficult day and here I found just the subject that is on my mind. You are all so great and helpful. My DH had the most negative day i can remember so far. Every little thing was wrong, and as many of you mention, all my fault, of course. I find it very difficult, especially when the day was so nice, the weather, that is. I have this fantasy that the beautiful spring sunshine will somehow improve things, waken a part of him that is nowhere to be found any more. I feel very sad right now. Thanks Joan for this topic.
This will be a sarcastic post - I'm sorry. We went to the neurologist today. My LO started telling her about his continuing loss of memory both short term and long term. Then he started telling her about his bad moods and behavior. He has MCI and has had MRI that she told us a year ago showed damage as well as the testing. She stopped him when he was talking about the bad moods and asked him if he was going to THERAPY for this to help him. If I hear another person who is supposed to be helping us suggest therapy, I just don't think I can handle it. So, with all the things we have posted here - our doctor thinks it is very simple and therapy will just make it go away. I am a retired therapist. When she finally got to me, she asked me what was going on and I filled in what he had left out. I did ask her how could therapy be effective as he was sitting there lying to her, making up stories and we are there because he can't REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was very nice and just acted dumb so she could educate me as how that could be effective. She did order a petscan which she should have done last year. She did not do any memory test with him. I just think she wants us to go away - and we are going to do that as soon as we find someone else. So folks, we have just been taking all of this for nothing - therapy will cure it all. What a bunch of bunk...............I would like to send him home with her. I don't like what he does, but I felt so bad for him as he was trying so hard and being as honest as he could and that is the "treatment" she gave him. He had to stay at the desk for a while to finish up the paperwork and I was so upset, I went to the car and just sobbed. I don't usually cry. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
Faith&hope, you need to write eveything down. Every single thing he has done since the beginning of his symptoms, describe his memory losses, any obsessive behavior, personality changes, tantrums, etc. IN DETAIL. Make a copy of it for yourself. Give it to the next neurologist you take him to, along with the PET scan (you will need to get a copy of it and the typewritten results) - which you need to keep a copy of as well. When you have it in writing and it is in his file, then the doctors are on the record as knowing his history and hopefully be more helpful in getting him the medicine and care he needs.
My husband's doctor did the same thing to me that happened to you. Only mine wouldn't order an MRI or PET scan. I felt like an idiot. The next year, I had a five page typewritten single space detailed letter for the doctor. I had the tests and results and a good neurologist and medications within 3 weeks. What a difference!
I think some neurologists don't want to diagnose AD because they can't really treat it, just slow it down; and they don't really know the disease and what can happen to the patients and the caregivers. Maybe that is why yours suggested therapy.
I hope you have much better results after you get the results of the PET scan. Keep in touch!
What is WRONG with some of these neurologists?????? It is emphasized over and over in our support group that we need go to a specialized memory disorders clinic in order to be dealing with professionals who are experts in the field. After the neurolgoist in Massachusetts told me that it was MY problem, that I was PROJECTING what I saw with my student clients onto my husband, and that 95% of his patients came to him WITHOUT their spouses, I knew it was time to fire him.
Copy and paste this link - http://alzheimersolutions.stores.yahoo.net/rescen.html It is a full list of all the memory disorder clinics in the US, arranged by state. There is a big one in your Tampa area.
I do keep a daily behavior journal and I have copies of every test he has had done in the past 12 years. He is a very smart, charming man and looks so good for the few minutes he is in the doctor's office. He usually is very ugly to me then when I tell what I see. I felt so bad for him this time as he was humble, truthful and very worried about what HE is seeing as a decline and was honest to her - and she suggested therapy.
We have tried that even tho I knew it wouldn't work - he can't remember - and were told that therapy is just not appropriate or ethical with someone with the memory issues he has.
We have both seen this neurologist for over 12 years off and on and really like her. But, she is having some problems and seems to want to shuffle us off. I can't understand as she is has her own research practice for memory.
When I go, I give behaviors, not stories, so I don't waste time. I give her a timeline when they started and stopped - to what degree they ocurred. I have examples of all of the behaviors if she asks and wants to listen. I sure have better things to do than drag my poor LO around to physicians trying to make him look bad.
Our latest issue which really is a big concern for me is when I went out for a couple of hours. When I came home h wasn't here and I called his cell. He was crying - not usual for him - and he was taking the cat to be put down. He said that I told him he had to do that . That I had said that it was the cat or him that had to go. I told him to come home immediately as he was waiting in line and hadn't turned the cat in yet. We love that cat. We have NEVER had any conversation anywhere close to that. He told me later that he just had to do it right then and couldn't wait. Being compulsive and implulsive is one of his problems. I can't even watch those awful "news" segments about the neglected animals. This was a wakeup call for me as now I am concerned about what else is he going to get in his head that was said or done that he has to act on right away.
Oh, this is an awful disease - and I think he has more than MCI. His tests say that it is - but the doctor said not to pay attention to them for some reason even tho she ordered them. I used to get mad at his meanness and now I just feel so bad that he is having to go though being miserable. Like others have said, staying away - as far away when they are like that is the best. I don't create the bad moods or behavior, I can't make them go away, I can't make them better, but I have learned that I sure can make them a lot worse by trying to "help" him, reason with him, etc.
Sorry to ramble. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have this website. Thank all of you so much. Believe me, all of you and your sharings are with me almost every minute of the day as I am trying to stay ahead of what is happening.
Throughout all of the discussion topics runs the theme that we were not told what to expect, that the doctors often did not think anything was wrong with our LO, that inappropriate "treatments" were suggested. While I have not experienced any of that (I have an inside track to the appropriate doctors), I do know that most primary care physicians, as well as neurologists, don't have a clue as to what the CareGiver is going through. This is why, in 2 weeks, I will be giving a talk to the Medical Service of our local "Miracle Center" on "Alzheimer's Disease from the CareGiver's Point of View". I don't know how much good it will do, but we have to start somewhere.
I know that you are a retired doctor (PCP?), and although I am speaking for myself, I hope everyone agrees when I say - I applaud your efforts and I THANK YOU! Doctors will listen to other doctors- no one expects a PCP or ANY doctor to be knowledgable about every disease. That's why we have specialists. What we resent is being brushed aside as uninformed and over-reacting when WE are the ones who live with the person 24/7, and know what we are dealing with. You now can bring the caregiver's point of view to the doctors, and again, thank you!
Thank you, Marsh! I think in years past, everyone tried to keep the details hidden because they didn't want to embarass their loved one by revealing all that they were going through. It was almost as if no one wanted to know. I remember going to nursing homes as a teenage candy striper to help the elderly, and some dementia patients were there. They kept us away from them, and we read to the other patients, wrote letters for them, etc. - it was amazing how few times their relatives came to visit; and rare was a visit to a dementia patient. Thank goodness things have improved since then, but they still have a long way to go. We need to educate everyone, with Joan and this website, and Tony will bring some of our issues to light in Washington, and you will with your talk are great ways that help us all. Some have written books, but the ones who buy them are those who need them. We need to educate the healthy as well.
Having Ronald Reagan and Charlton Heston say they have AD and then never be seen in public again not only didn't help, it hurt. It was as if it should be hidden. Maybe we could get Hallmark to do a TV movie from the caregiver's point of view. :)
The hurtful things that those with AD say to their spouses (spice) is so hard because, though you forgive - knowing that it is the AD talking, you can't forget. It hurts too much.
Marsh - thank you for your courage. I know doctors do the best they can and they are human and make mistakes, but it is hard to be on the other side of it with something that I think is very serious. I am a retired mental health counselor and one of my positions was working with terminally ill children with Hospice. The doctors were so rude and abrupt to the patients, would not look at them, couldn't wait to get out of the room. We all knew why - they just can't handle what they can't fix and they probably went around the corner and cried. It was hard on the parents as well as the children and interestingly they understood the doctors' reactions much better than the doctors did. I will be praying for your success.
I am feeling for all of you going thru this half there/half not stage and the mean, rudness attached to it. looking back i also remember the hurtful mean private comments and husband seemed to pick and chose his battles with certain persons to verbally attack. yep always right and insulting. i also found that it can be in your best interest as the caregiver to change doctors if they give you the usual runaround as they have no answers or good advice. we had a neuro and he basically served our diagnosis and rx'd the basic meds then that was it. i have a new young PHD that seems to listen to my needs and what would help to keep my husband at home as long as possible . he seems to know he can do only so much for husband now but is willing to help me care for him the best way possible. so i suggest if you arent getting the coordinated help get a new one, they are not all alike. wishing each of you all the best, divvi
This past weekend was a bit difficult. I've said before that my husband's official dx is MCI so he can seem fine but then suddenly change. Of course he seems mostly fine in public. He spent most of Saturday telling me what a wonderful person I am and how lucky he is, etc., things I used to enjoy hearing so much! But now, I hardly can take them in because I know he's going to be rude/insulting at any moment. If I ask a simple question, "did you close the garage door?/have you seen the cat today?" anything as simple as that, "would you like to eat now?" may make him go off. He's started undressing in the kitchen instead of going to the bedroom or bathroom - he says he's in a hurry and doesn't want to take the time or trouble to go in the other rooms. He hangs his clothes on a chair at the kitchen table or drapes across the furniture in the dining room or family room. I'm tired of worn undershorts in the kitchen and him naked walking around my food prep areas, etc. I think it's crude and possibly contaminating of the kitchen so yesterday I asked him to please keep moving toward the bedroom or bathroom when he started stripping down in the kitchen. He started yelling at me instantly - I heard "your pubic hairs shower down like rain all over this house" (I can't even respond to that), "you are too hard to live with" (what happened to I'm nicer than any person you ever met?), "you think you know everything" (I wish I did), "I live here too and can do what I want" (you pretty much do) - my thoughts are in parantheses. Then I heard that I don't do anything around the house, I'm a bad housekeeper, he had worked hard all day and I hadn't, etc. This from a highly respected former minister, professional businessman, to me - a professional woman who works 60+ hours a week (partly to maintain his health insurance in retirement), maintains the family relationships with his adult children and grandchildren because he forgets to call or buy gifts, and who he said 12 hours before was the best woman he'd ever known, he couldn't ask for anything more, and how he tells everyone he meets about how wonderful I am. I think I'm afraid of what people will think of me when he goes off in front of family or the doctors - that day is coming isn't it? I hardly know how to handle these swings inside of me let alone how to do it when the world is watching me.
I get the "you think you know everything" too. In fact I got it a lot well before dementia. I never thought I knew everything; I was always aware that I made loads of mistakes. The problem is that he was one of those people who knew everyone's business better than they did, and he sitll thinks that his way is not only the best way, it is the only way.
...[sigh]... These days, I DO know everything. I have to.
I have the same comments form DH, stupid, mean nothing, do nothing, and he also spends his time walking around the house leaving messes and clothing. I was just thinking today, when I drove out to get the mail, that I really don't want to return to such a negative envrionment. There is no longer ANYTHING positive in our house. I feel so sorry for you, I feel so sorry for me, I feel so sorry for all of us.
'Just thinking' mentioned something that has been driving me crazy "I'm afraid of what people will say". I am definitely afraid of what people will say! My husband has been diagnosed with MCI (so far-tests continuing) but he is is starting to have nasty (unpredictable) mood swings and starting to do similar behavior (taking off clothes inappropriately etc) but so far only in private when no one around. Reading about these experiences everyone has faced is so scary to me. What do you say when some of these things happen in public? Do you carry and hold up a sign that says Alzheimers or do you apologize or you just get away as fast as possible. How do you all cope with embarrasing situations? What do you do if they come out of a public restroom in a compromising sitution? What happens in a restaurant when they get loud and start to yell at you? In all these blogs I've never seen these questions addressed. This forum is so wonderful, I can't imagine what caregivers did before this website. I am so appreciative to everything that is shared in this chat room and thank you all for your willingness to share.
I wish I had wisdom for myself and you too, MissB. I was told by others on this site about business-sized cards that say something like 'the person I'm with has alzheimer's disease. thank you for your patience." I guess those work if your husband doesn't catch on that you are handing them out, but mine is still very alert and has forbidden me to tell anyone (which I wrote about in another posting - I told his daughter who doesn't quite believe me yet). He's also a little suspicious now - the other nite he was asleep but I couldn't sleep so I got up and came downstairs to my computer and was reading this website. After awhile I felt sleepy so I went back upstairs. He was angry and sobbing in our bed - he had awakened and found me missing and thought I was having an affair on my computer! He cried and cried and said he didn't know how he could make it and handle things without me. I ended up just holding him and reassuring him until he fell asleep. I have NEVER NEVER been unfaithful or even toyed with being unfaithful - that is not who I am! And he's seemed to know that in the past. He has yelled at me a few times in public - people stopped and stared so I now try to avoid going to a store or the airport or anywhere like that with him. He does OK at concerts, etc., or other non-stressful places. I have finally had to admit to myself that if I didn't know something was wrong with him I'd say I was being abused. I don't want to be seen as a victim or a woman who can't stand up for herself but I just keep going along to get along - I want to avoid conflict or his meanness at almost any cost. But of course, in the next minute he's my dear sweet husband again who doesn't remember what he just said or did.
Just Thinking - Your post brought tears to my eyes and I am so sorry that you have to endure such degrading behavior. My LO - also MCI - has that type of behavior - I never know what to expect and always have to be looking with my third eye to see what might be coming. No one should have to go though this - but it happens and as soon as I find a "remedy" for an issue another one pops up. What helps me is to know that it is HIS behavior - I didn't cause it, I can't make it go away. I usually stay away from him at those times. That works for me - but then they are all different, aren't they. I won't talk to him because that is fuel for the fire. I wish I had some encouraging words to give you - but know that you and everyone with this problem is in my heart and prayers daily.
I hope that everyone who has these terrible experiences with incompetent neurologists will keep searching for a one who "gets it" and stop seeing the incompetent ones ASAP. I am horrified by the comments some of these so-called professionals have made.
Interesting comments inre difference in husbands and wives. I might be in the minority, but, I can tell you that my wife was the meanest, most insulting, woman that ever walked on two legs. What did I do to deserve this? It hurts the same no matter the gender of the offender. Things are not so bad now thanks to seroquel and namemba and welbutron with an occasional atavan when needed. Lots of meds, but, I couldn't live without them.
I admire those of you who can get away from the situation for a little while, but, my wife can't be left alone anymore so that wouldn't work for me. More thankfulness for the meds.
Dean- I would gladly trade my wife for yours.....You might be challenged as having the meanest most insulting woman....My dw is NEVER happy, and constantly complains and criticizes and flies into screaming rages....I am lookin into getting her on seroquel, but I am not optimistic about results...she usually reacts in the opposite intended effect...
Opposite effects than intended with meds...Isn't that a party? And then Insurance pressures Dr. to cut med for side effects, so he orders that but doesn't tell caregiver--just tells that he's cutting Psych meds to reduce side effects. OH, YEAH... UN-HUH. Like that's a good idea. Then caregiver has to administer, observe, report, and push to get things back on keel when the cuts let the nasties start coming back. Changed Dr.'s.