My DH (68) is now going to day care 3 times a week. I drop him off around 10:30 a.m. and pick him up around 2 p.m. I used to work there and he came with me; however, he kept following me and telling me what to do so I quit the job. He now goes alone which gives me some free time. Unfortunately, he now follows another staff person. It has become hard for her to do her job. At times he gets angry at staff and volunteers. Last Friday he raised his fist at a volunteer and she got scared. Monday he got angry at other volunteers. The program director says he is a handful and that they are willing to try until the end of February. Most people there are women in their 8o's and 90's. They usually sit there quietly and do not cause much of a stirr. I'm afraid he might have to leave if something doesn't change. Depakote doesn't seem to help. I give him one pill a couple of hours before he leaves. I once tried Seroquel on him. It made him nod off while eating dinner, however, did nothing to change his aggressive tendencies. I know he doesn't like to go and gets upset when I say where we are going. Usually he is pleasant, although persisent in what he wants to do or not do. He seems to be stage 5. I now have to help him find the right clothes to wear, and make sure he isn't wearing two pairs of pants. I might have to just hire caregivers (which cost a lot more) and have him be with a person one-on-one. Any other people having similar issues regarding day care?
My first question would be - is this an Alzheimer's Day Care or is it a general elderly Day Care? At an Alzheimer/Dementia Specific Day Care, both staff and volunteers are trained to handle dementia behaviors such as following or "shadowing". However, if there is a possibility of patient violence, even an Alzheimer Day Care will not put their staff in jeopardy. You will need to talk to his doctor and follow his recommendations for adding, subtracting, or increasing medication to quell the anger and possibility of him getting physical with the staff.
If it is NOT a dementia specific Day Care, I would highly recommend calling the Alzheimer's Association in your area and ask for help in finding one. The staff in those Day Care facilities are, as I mentioned, well trained in handling dementia behaviors.
Hopefully, MarilyninMD will see this thread and answer you - her husband did get thrown out of Day Care. Here is the link to that discussion -http://thealzheimerspouse.com/vanillaforum/comments.php?DiscussionID=2139&page=1#Item_32
My dh is in a specific dementia day care, but apparently he is the only one there that gives the staff any difficulty. Most of the others are older and meeker. They are finding him a real challenge but are willing to be persistent and not give up on him. I was told it took six weeks for some guests to adjust, but he has been going about 10 weeks now, but after the first five weeks we were away for two weeks. He had trouble with one driver, and the schedule has now been changed so that he only has the driver he likes. Hope that works better, because on the mornings with the unliked driver he would arrive in the mornings already angry and it would take most of the day to change his mood. This morning I took him in myself because we had spent the night at our son's house after babysitting, and the day care is on the way home. I disappeared shortly after we arrived and he had not forgotten that when he got home this afternoon, but did not hold it against me. Just asked where I had gone off to so soon. Still not easy. But the peaceful days are so wonderful!
I was told in December that my dh was showing "inapproriate" behavior. When I asked what happened, I was told that he had given a volunteer a kiss on her head and spent most of the day telling everyone how pretty they were. I'm still not sure how I feel about it but I got brave and took him today and everything went just fine. I'm hoping he can continue to go there for awhile as I am pretty limited on help at home. I do feel blessed that my dh has not shown signs of violence or disappearing on me. The nearest daycare is 60 miles away so I have to choose very carefully the days that I take him.
Monika and Jeanette--I am wondering if part or all of your husbands' behavior problems might be due to their young ages. My husband's neuro explained that it is much easier for someone "young" with dementia to become overstimulated in a daycare setting. Because their hearing and sight are intact, their damaged brains receive much more stimuli than the average AD patient. Poor sight/hearing are actually a plus when combined with dementia in a stimulating environment, at least some of the input gets filtered out before the brain gets overloaded. I think overstimulation was the reason for my husband's problems at the first two daycares he attended (he was in his early 60's). Once I knew this, I made a point of telling the staff at the current daycare that he can't take a lot of noise or commotion--I even heard him tell a staff member that she didn't have to speak so loudly. I also made sure that the 3rd daycare had enough space where he could find a quiet spot if needed. Unfortunately, some people who are used to working with the typical, older AD patient automatically assume there's going to be a hearing problem and always speak too loudly. Just another special challenge with younger onset dementia.
Don't rule out trying different day programs, if there is more than one in your area. After two bad experiences, I found the current, wonderful center. It is run much more professionally and is lightyears away from the first two. My husband has been attending since last August, and there hasn't been one problem.
Bev, my husband has always been a bit of a flirt, and now that he has dementia, he still is. He kissed the social worker and the day care director the first day he was there, told the social worker he loved her another day (I was there when these things happened) but he's that kind of huy. loving, and joking, and he hasn't lost his personality, only his mind. Anyway, noone said to me that his actions were inappropriate. they just took it in stride, and moved on. i'm kind of surprised that a comment was made about something like that. Seems to me, in a way, he was just tring to be nice, in an unwise manner. Sometimes, i really think people take themselves way too seriously.
My husband is a hugger now. His day care handles it well. He likes the director of the center and will hug and tell them how much he likes them. He does this to family members also. His day care is not just dementia patients but they do have the safety measures in place, that were important to me. Locked doors and fenced in building. It is set out in a big circle. So he can wander around if he wishes to. One side has the recliners and they put the tv on only during lunch so they can watch the news. After 12 -1 pm, the tv is turned off. There is an area for group activities and a smaller area for having coffee and just talking. There seemed to be more men of my husband's age who were there through the VA also. Their youngest client is in his 40s with cognitive impairment. They have an aviary one side of the room and he enjoys checking the birds out to make sure they are okay.
I was asked a lot of questions regarding how my husband deals with things. What type of food will he eat? How does he react to being touched? Does he like animals, children? So I'm hoping it will continue to go along okay. When I tell him he is going he seems to be happy to go. He goes on Wed and Fridays from 9am-3:30pm and I take and pick him up which I thought would be eaiser because the Pace Bus service might be to much for him. Doesn't help that the center is located right by a lovely shopping mall, which I have to force myself to stay out of.
Bev--My husband is a hugger and a kisser too. I agree with Chris, it's odd that they would have called it inappropriate. Here's what I call problem behavior at a day care program: hitting, pushing, screaming, cursing, etc. If I were you, I would discuss with the director what their tolerance limits are in terms of behavior. As Joan said, my husband was "dismissed" from an adult day program with no advance notice to me. I got a phone call to come and pick him up and that I could bring him back after he was "medicated to be calm". However, the behavior problems were only present at the daycare, I wasn't willing to overmedicate him just to put him back into an environment that was too stressful for him. Later on, I found out about the overstimulation issue I described above, and that reinforced that it was not the right daycare setting for him.
On the Bigtree Murphy website, she describes the situation about clients being rejected from day programs and recommends that caregivers understand what the programs' limits are, in terms of behaviors and other issues, i.e. incontinence, from the start.
Funny thing is my dh was never a flirt. He always needed his space around people he didn't know too well. This flirty side of him does make for some ha ha moments. The RN at the Daycare facility was very nice in telling me about his "behavior" and wanted to bring it to my "attention". Really, seriously, you got to be kidding me-gosh I must not have noticed that after spending 24/7 with him for the last 3 years!!! Some things just make you go hmmmmmmm. Thanks for the feedback.
Well, supposedly the disease can cause inhibitions to fly away--that sounds like what's happened to your husband. I would think that someone affectionate and pleasant would be welcomed by a day program staff.