Yes, this is Valentine's Day weekend, and I am sure many of you are sad, rather than celebratory about it. I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read my Valentine's blog. It is a positive message. Please post your stories here.
Hi, I was thinking that this might be the first Valentine's Day that my hubby would forget about..he did not remember our New Year's Day 33rd anniversary. But yesterday a he ran an errand and came home with a pretty pink azalea plant. Last year he was fine but did not take the hint so I treated myself to a pretty pair of earrings and did the same this year too. When it comes to gifts this past Christmas when asked what I might like I said just something, anything that sparkles..ornament for the tree, napkin rings whatever that is cheerful and bright.
Our Valentines Day Plans...I will puree a candy bar or maybe orange cupcakes. (his favorite) The staff will help him from the wheelchair to the sofa so we can sit close. I'll rest my head on his shoulder and he'll rest his head on mine. He'll turn my face toward him for a kiss then gently push my glasses back up where they belong. We'll hold hands and watch TV as if there's no one else around. What more could I ask for? Hope you all have the lovliest day possible. xox cs
A lifetime ago I met my husband at the same mountain resort where my parents met. He had worked his way through college at the resort and was there while on army leave. I was there with my parents while on school break. I told my father-that is the man I will marry. We became engaged on valentine's day and married 13 months later-in March. That was 51 yrs ago.
We have no Valentines Day plans because we never did celebrate it. Our anniversary is Feb 10, so I always felt that was more important than Valentines Day. This year there is no celebration for either. I didn't even mention the anniversary to him and when I told him that Valentnes Day is tomorrow (because he wanted to know why there were so many red balloons out) all he said was "okay". Forgotten already.
Even tho my dh is progressing quickly from one stage to another and his memory is not good at all he is more compassionate in some areas. Some holidays he totally forgets. If mentioned to him, it is no big deal. For our 34th anniversary this Jan. he disappeared for over 5 hours. Needless to say we did not celebrate. Since then he sees how worried everyone was and to what extent they went to find him and he seems more compassionate about everything. He did not know what holiday was coming up but insisted on gettting me something. Thank God me and one of his brothers was with him because he has no concept of cost. He got me a valentine gift and even tho is was not expensive I will cherish it forever. It was really meant from the heart. If he remembers anything else, we don't know but this day will be special forever.
As I have commented before - here I quit expecting or worrying about presents from dh many years ago. Actually, buying my own is much more satisfying in the long run. I am going to continue with the tradition. For Valentines day I bought me a new ring. For Mothers Day I may take my daughters out to dinner. Going to plan on having "gift day" at my house quite frequently. He was never a gift giver and I knew he wasn't going to change and many of you have previous gifters who have changed and now can't. We can't change them so we may as well take our "lemons and make lemonade".
I met my husband on a Church hayride! I was 16 and he was 20. We married two years later, after I finished my freshman year at college - 48 years ago. He hasn't been able to buy me a present in four years. I'm like Lois, and buy what I know he would have gotten me if he could have. My Kindle was my birthday present, and this cruise is my Valentine's gift!
Mary, I think we both choose great gifts for ourselves. Now let me see - what comes after Valentines Day? Well my ring was for Valentines Day so this cruise is for Presidents Day. Surely we don't have to wait until Mothers Day. Oh, there is Easter. Maybe we could choose a new favorite book, or a banana split or a new "love those fashion rings" you can buy cheap. Love those new "fashion watches that just slip on your wrist and they are less than $20. Just remembered one of my favorites is fresh flowers. Love those pretty boquets at WallMart.
What is your favorite gifts to buy for yourself? Maybe give the rest of us some new ideas.
Got myself a $15 Valentines bouquet at Walmart, marked down to $7.50 today.
DH and I met when I was 27 and he was just weeks shy of 40, married 3 years later, will count #31 in July. He doesn't much like me anymore -- nor me him -- but every once in awhile I let a sweet memory cross my path and that helps me get from day to day.
My husband asked me to "go steady" on Valentine's Day; our first date was on New Year's Eve of that year. We met in a bowling league and he recently told me that when I was bowling he "admired my butt." Romantic, huh? It's 52 years later. I guess we were right for each other.
You've just reminded me that the last time I was on a big ship was between getting engaged and getting married, in 1956. L. and I had dated from April, this was June; we ended up getting married in September. When I went abroad, as long planned, on one of those cheap Holland-American ships (Ryndam, not the one sailing now) he arranged for me to get a fresh gardenia corsage every day. I think that was the last time he gave me flowers, but it's a good memory.
Valentine Surprise..I am a first time poster who has been reading and getting inspiration the last few weeks from you all in dealing with my 60 year old husband's dementia. My husband was aslways very good about spoiling me on the holidays with flowers and Godiva. This Valentine's morning is different however. I am always hunting done things that have disappeared in the house, like the dish towels, that usually I find in his office. This morning I found one on his desk with poop inside (probably from one of the dogs)! Not like the years before but I will try and clebrate the day by assembling the vacumn cleaner I just bought. Then I will enjoy vacumning with the sun streaming through the curtains on this 12 degree morning.
welcome JNC! i see you fit right in with this crowd. lots of pooper scoopers in this group. and i may as well add i am the designated POOP QUEEN here by unanimous vote. i am looking for a contender any time:) you made your debut on a good day. many memories are lost to most of us but some good ones made here withour cyber friendships. dont be shy! join in any discussion. divvi
We met on Valentines Day 52 years ago. We have been married 48 years, almost 49. DH seems annoyed by occasions that require some acknowledgment, like a card or a present. He would have no idea today is a special day except that I gave him a card. He said, I thought we weren't going to do that. Oh well. We used to have nice celebrations. Eight years ago we were on our way to Australia and crossed the international date line. We totally missed Valentines Day. We got on the plane on the 13th and 14 hours later arrived in Sydney. That was a good Valentine's day.
I marvel at the aristocrats of suffering I see on this blog. I admire anyone who can find the grace and joy in what would seem to be nothing but despair. You are all my champions as I make my own way through my husband's AD. No celebration for Valentine's Day, but he still calls me his precious one, and I know he loves me
damejulian, Your story reminds me of what my uncle said when I went to visit him in the NH. My aunt could not come along with me that day as she was recovering from surgery. I went to a picture of Audrey and asked him "Who is this?" He smiled and said, "MY Sweetie". When I got to my aunt's home and told her this, she at first thought I made it up to make her feel better until I told her I never knew that was he pet name for her. She was thrilled to tears that he could still know her though he didn't know her name. My DH has his problems with this AD but he still knows who I am. We are early in this struggle and there is so much to learn despite having lost my mom and her brother to this diseas. A spouse is so different.
Mimi, your story brought tears to my eyes... a bit too close to home...*sigh
I couldn't bring myself to go see Lynn on Valentines. I am learning to try to do what is best for me. He has no idea what valentines is, or what we use to do.... I do, and it breaks my heart. I just couldn't go in. And for once, I didn't feel bad about it. He doesn't know if I was there 2 minutes ago, or 3 weeks ago! So, I have decided on "special" days, if it will hurt too much to go, that I wont. So I didn't, yet, I was still sad at home without him...... *sigh