Hello, I am lost as to what stage my DH is in. Examples he can't follow simple directons at all, can't figure out how to use the TV remote, I have to either do it myself or explain to him how to use it, that is a daily issue. Also always looking for something, goes thru the house looking, like he is lost. Has trouble putting clothes together to wear for the day, so I have to pick his clothes out, then tell him what order they go on. Then if we are going somewhere,later in the day , he will start pacing , then goes and tries to find his coat and shoes, hours before we are ready to leave. Then if he does find his coat he will sit for hours with it on, asking me when and where we are going?? Also if we are going to stay home for the day , he will pace all day long, I keep telling him he is going to wear the carpet out. Then about toliet issues, he is obsessed with bowel movements, he will try all day long, or he will say he hasn't went for days, I know better. When he is in that frame of mind that is all he will talk about, all day long. I have to tell him step by step 2x"s daily on how to take his meds, do his dentures, get ready for bed, and then how to get dressed for the day. Lately I have been getting real short with him , trying to follow simple directions from the step by step method. I have always had patience, but lately my patience is wearing pretty thin, and I hate that feeling!!! We are both going to the doc tomorrow and I am going to mention to the doc about the patience issue and hopefully he will give me something. But I don't know if it will be something for anxiety or antidepressents, what would you suggest?? Well thats the short end of problems for now, so what stage would you say he is in??? Greatly appericate all answer's, Thanks so much everyone, and have a nice day!! Colleen
It is my opinion, and others agree and disagree with me, that stages are not important because most AD patients go in and out of stages. They can do some things that a Stage 2 person can do, while being unable to do things a Stage 4 or 5 person can do. It is an ever changing variable roller coaster. However, if you are really concerned about that, here is a stage list - http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_stages_of_alzheimers.asp For more information, log onto my home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and look on the left side. Click on the New Member/Newly Diagnosed Section.
Also, I have done a message board search for you - copy and paste this link, and it will take you to the full list of all the "stage" discussions on this board -http://thealzheimerspouse.com/vanillaforum/search.php?PostBackAction=Search&Keywords=stages&Type=Topics&btnSubmit=Search
Colleen, Your husband sounds very much like mine. I have stopped trying to tell him how to do things, it is too frustrating for him. I have started giving him the meds and watching him take them, putting his clothes out for him and I do not tell him we are going out until it is time for him to get ready. I can't say where your husband is, but I figure mine to be in stage 5 at least.
You left a few things out, Colleen - is he driving? What's going on with money? Yes, get yourself some help, and read read read here, and see we've all been through this before.
maryd, I've begun doing the same thing to my husband, not telling him until the night before or the day of, because he just forgets anyway and I have to keep explaining things over and over. As this disease progresses, we get a little smarter in learning how to manage certain things.
I agree with Joan. As others have said in the past "You see one dementia patient, you have seen one" In the beginning, I kind of was obsessed on what stage he was in, after awhile you don't think of it anymore, unless someone mentions something. My husband is totally a 6 1/2 going rapidly into stage 7 by the Alzheimer's scale. However, until 2 weeks ago he could tie his shoes, was continent, zip his coat....but, didn't know my name.
Colleen, The difficult thing about the stages is that we as caregivers sometimes forget which direction our loved one is traveling through them. We are tempted to "teach" them to do the things that they are having difficulty with as though they are actually going to learn... they are not. I have to tell my family frequently that we are keeping her (my wife) safe as she un-learns everything she ever knew. As she became unable to do things I simply stepped in and took up the slack as gently as I could to avoid hurting her feelings. I insisted that it would make me feel better if she would let me do things. It seemed to take the edge off. My wife is now in 6/7, dependent upon the day, moment or mood. As joang said they tend to wobble through the stages anyway, sometimes drifting back a bit before progressing to the next level. I actually miss her being able to snap at me. She hasn't used my name in way over a year and her verbal skills are all but gone.
Briegull, Hello Sorry that I left a few things out . As for driving does very rarely, I do all of the driving now. As for money I don't let him carry very much money anymore, because he doesn't really know how to count it right. Before AD , he was really good with numbers, always did checkbook,Loved to play cribbage, and cards, and domino's. Now he doesn't do any of them. Still does play pool but has to ask on every shot what he has stripes or soilds. it so hard to watch him have to struggle to anything anymore. A friend of mine said to me the other day, since I never had any children, I now have a little boy, yah know she is right!!! But it is so hard!!!!! I sure am glad I found this WONDERFUL website and ALL YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE, now I have somewhere to turn too , and be able to talk to people who truly understand what we as caregivers go thru on a daily basis. Another one of my friends told me to mellow out and just laugh at the strange things he does, my comment to her was Why don't you spend 24 hours with him and then see how much laughing you would be doing!!!!!! I didn't mean to be rude to her, but friends & family JUST don't get it!!!! Well I gotta run, have things to get done yet, Talk to You Later, So Take Care, Colleen
Some people just don't get it. People do say some of the dumbest things. Like the time my sister-in-law told me it was easier to take care of a spouse than a mother (her mother passed away from vascular dementia last year), because it wouldn't be hard to be stern to your spouse. Being stern is not the only problem, we have lost so much more in our daily lives.
Colleen, just a guess from the information that you have given; I think your husband is about at the same stage as mine. I thought mine was stage 4 but decline in recent weeks has been big, and now I guess pretty much stage 5. He can brush his teeth but doesn't want to. This morning I put toothpaste on his toothbrush for him because the tube is almost empty, but he only stayed in the bathroom a minute; I asked if he had brushed his teeth and he said No, he couldn't manage it. Then I saw that the toothpaste had fallen off into the wash basin. I put some more on and he brushed his teeth. I have to put his pills in a dish for him beside his plate; if I am still busy cooking he will usually get his own water to take them. He will help with simple jobs around the house. I have recently started helping him wash his hair; he hates having it washed, but will do it if I promise to blow it dry for him. He could no longer shave with his old razor but now does a pretty good job with the electric razor I bought for him last week. Very little communication, very restless, sleeps about 12 hours at night but not during the day. Eats well, everything he can get hold off but is forgetting how to find goodies in the cupboards or freezer. Bored all the time, because there is so little that he is interested in doing. He doesn't drive anymore but does well on a bike, except that he no longer knows the way to most destinations.
Colleen, I have said that it's easier for me to tend my husband bec. I DID have kids. Some of the sa e techniques do work. Finish your peas and you can have ice cream. I'm going to count to ten and I want to see you standing up by ten. Singing to interupt a tantrum and change the subject. Talking slowly and clearly and with as few words as possible to give instructions. Etc.
Jeanette, I'm sorry to hear things are deteriorating.
Colleen - I agree about not getting hung up in the stages. For now I like just saying mild, moderate or severe. The different stages are sub-groups of those. My hb was just changed from mild to moderate. I am not sure if he has or if it was to get the VA to pay for Namenda which the doctor agreed is good to add to the galantamine. She likes the combo if anything is going to help slow down the symptoms. My hb is still high functioning but short term memory is shot. I subscribed to NHL Center Ice last month for him. He has hours of hockey a day to watch now. He forgets the games so to him it seems like the first game he is watching.
Let us know what the doctor says. Sounds like he needs meds to deal with the obsession behavior.
Tonight we sat together watching the Olympics. It was difficult for me because he is constantly asking me questions (but I wanted him to sit with me). His face, when I explained what was going on, looked as though he couldn't understand a thing I said. His short term memory is worse than ever. This has been occurring over the last couple of weeks. He's had the memory loss for quite a while, but I'm really scared at how fast it's going. One of his favorite things to do during the day is to get the mail. I can't begin to tell you how many times today he's asked me if the mailman came and what day is it? He'll get the mail and within an hour will ask if he got the mail. This goes on for hours!
I have no idea what his stage is, it varies from week to week. But, at least, there haven't been any rages. Then again, maybe I've learned how to react to things he says or does in a way that keeps him from getting them.
Coleen, guess I'm too late to contribute to anything to be helpful in your doctor's appointment. Let us know how it went.
As for medication for you, I hate it that I've become so versed in this topic and bear in mind everyone is different. That said, some antidepressants (particularly the SSRIs like Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, Paxil,...) are supposed to have anti-anxiety qualities to them. Not enough for me to handle the times when things start to get to me though. My doc prescribed Xanax shortly after DH was diagnosed and said "it melts anxiety" and I have found that to be true for me and it has been a life saver. Probably saved my life and DH's life in that I haven't killed him! I only take it "as needed" and notice many others here also take it, although I'm not sure exactly how they use it, I'd imagine the same).
If you've always been a patient person you will probably become much more patient again once you've had more time and become more accepting of his limitations and just don't try to get him to do what he can't or doesn't want to, don't argue. Now I have NEVER been a patient person and I'm amazed at how I finally learned to let things go and not take the "bait" in what could be arguments as I learned I couldn't handle the rages. I learned there was no winning an argument. I learned I wasn't going to teach him anything and what a relief when I just got so tired (and a little wiser) and just gave up. Now it is so much easier. Still difficult and sometimes terrible, but easier.
Back to meds, if you're depressed and anxious you might try antidepressants, but having Xanax on hand for those times when you feel you're going to blow a gasket or knock a big hole in the wall is quite comforting.
As for your friend's comment. RUDE as hell! Nothing makes me more nervous than for someone to tell me to RELAX. You will get to the point when you can laugh at some of his stuff in hindsight but for anyone who is not living this to suggest that...well you'll have to let me sign off now as my language at this point is not suitable for public consumption.
My worst memory of the early stages is of my wife asking to go home. She seemed relatively normal in most other ways but just about the time I got home from work she would start asking to go home... insisting in fact. She would act scared and cry and beg me to take her home. For a while she would pack all kinds of clothes into whatever bag she could find and have it waiting at the door when I got home. It ripped my heart out. She would be so insistent many times that I would just give in and take her for a ride. By the time we got back to the house she would have forgotten that it was the very place that we had just left and actually be happy to be back. Then it would start all over again. There were days I wanted to blow my brains out. In some ways her state now is better. She is no real trouble anymore. She just isn't really here anymore. No talking, no doing anything, no nothing. She could cook and dress herself and feed herself and clean and (in the beginning) drive. she just had that damned quirk about going home. It scared the hell out of me. now she doesn't want to go home because she is oblivious. I cannot even say which is worse. The whole thing sucks.
Thunder, my dh often wants me to take him home. He looks so unhappy, he has no idea where he wants to go, just HOME. Sometimes he wants to walk or ride his bike and it takes all my powers of distraction to get him away from the idea. It is really hard to deal with. Sometimes it helps to take him out, but if the trip is too short he's at it again within the hour. Usually it only happens towards evening when he's getting tired, but there have been a couple bad days when I was dealing with it all day until I got him into a really stimulating social environment. Not always possible.
if there was one answer i'd like for the specialists to answer for us its the 'go home' syndrome. its seeming its a very common place for all dementias. how is it they can all remember to ask to go home? and nothing else? briegull the difference in having the children here 'now' vs before'- is i let THIS child eat his candy and dessert first!! HAHA! knowing its the last leg of the journey we tend to let them get away with just about anything at this point. acquiring patience, i was always short on his topic my whole life. now, after one blow after another for so many yrs, your self preservation kicks in and you find things you never thought yourself capable of! divvi
Jeanette, My Sharon is so far past that stage. She sleeps upwards of 14 hours at night and then naps during the day. When she is awake she seldom speaks and when she does it is rarely more than a word or two. If she ever speaks anything resembling a sentence it is during what I call her "window of engagement" from about 10 AM till 2 PM. She spends most of her awake time listening to the television or staring into space. Except for brief periods of time she doesn't even respond very much to direct conversation or questioning. A coherent response is so rare that it tends to elicit raised eyebrows and high-fives from my daughter and I. Even though I wouldn't really want to turn the clock back to the early stages and live through all of this horror again I do miss being able to actually have her talk to me. She was so much of who and what I am that her absence has ripped me in two.
Divvi, I understand why they ask to go home. I just don't understand why that stage comes so early. My wife could still function in almost every other way... she could even still drive though I had taken the car away because I was petrified that she would hurt herself or someone else. If short-term memory is what goes first then why forget that your home of 25 years is still your home???? I could understand the take me home thing NOW... when she doesn't remember anything at all. But she started Literally BEGGING me to take her home when she still knew who I was, still remembered our daughters name (who was born after we built the house we live in). Our house being our home should have been one of the last things that slipped from her mind... instead, it was the first. If I ever come across any insight on this I will most assuredly post it here.