Not signed in (Sign In)

Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

  1.  
    My LO has MCI, suspect more,so far testing and the neurologist don't see it - his psychiatrist seed his dysfunction tho. He has been in such a sweet loving mood, helping around the house. We went to an exhibit yesterday, had lunch, a nice day. I guess too much of a good thing. He is a contractor and and vowed a number of times he would quit work, give up the corporation. He seemed to mean it more this time and has turned jobs down. He got a call from an old customer in a condo who wanted him to put up a fan. How many of you out there would like my LO to come and do wiring in your home, especially in a condo where the systems are not always logical. I reminded him that I had asked him on numberous times, no electrical, plumbing or condos. We have insurance, but. He got in a bad mood, started that justifying that doesn't make any sense -and after the sencond sentence, he wasn't making sense, he was being ugly and rude to me. I was trying to remind him nicely of what we had talked about in the past and I thought decided on. I decided to leave it alone and went into my office and shut the door. I have a bed in here, food, etc. I stayed in there until this morning. I have't slept with him for a year because of his ugly talk and bad moods - all new with this disorder. He started again and I told him I did not deserve the way he talked to me and that I had to go get an allergy shot. We have two cats and one dog. The dog gets washed once a week and wiped off several times a week. The doctor told me the only way we could keep the cats was that they had to get washed and clipped once a month. I have tried mobil service, but they won't come as the big cat scratches and doesn't cooperate. I have tired taking them to all the places around, but I can only go once. I wish they were better trained, but he undermines anything I do with them. They eat on the breakfast table with him out of his cereal bowl. I have tried washing them, but he gets upset about the way I clip them. I went to get my allergy shot and when I came home he was gone. No sign of where he went - no note - which is a common courtesy that we do for each other. I called him on his cell phone and he told me that he was taking the big cat to be put down. That is something that I don't believe in, we have NEVER discussed, he seems to adore her. I told him to tell me where he took the cat and he wouldn't but said he would be home shortly. After about an hour he came in with the cat. Now I am afraid to leave the house for God knows what he will do. This came out of the blue - it has never been mentioned in this house. I won't watch any of those "news" shows that show cruelty to animals. It is a nusiance that the cats have to be bathed and clipped, but they didn't ask to come here. The big cat is very shy and hisses at others so I don't think she would be a suitable candidate for adoption.
    I have tried to socialize her, but he undermines me. Has anyone had the problem of their LO suddenly putting a pet down without warning. I feel like I am going to be trapped in this house to protect the animals. I am going to try and see if there is a way I can get rid of the cats nicely and keep my dog close by - he only weighs 6 pounds. I am also going to call the shelters and vets close by and warn them. They all have chips, so they would be easy to ID. I know this is minor to what everyone else has to endure, but this is so upsetting and scarry to me. Thank you for listening.
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2008
     
    faith&hope,

    Oh my goodness - no - I don't think it's minor at all. I would consider it a big deal if I were in your shoes.

    First, I think you need to find a comprehensive memory clinic that can definitively diagnosis your husband's problem, whether it's MCI, Alzheimer's, or FTD (frontal temporal lobe dementia), so he can get the proper treatment.

    If you work, (I don't recall you ever saying that you do), you would probably have to consider day care for your animals while you are working. If you don't work, you're probably going to have to arrange for an "animal sitter" while you are out on errands or whenever your husband is alone with the animals. I know this sounds extremely inconvenient, but until your DH is diagnosed, properly treated, and can be trusted alone with them, I would suggest being proactive in defense of the animals.

    joang
  2.  
    Thanks - I am not one that thinks animals become before people, but they are our responsibility. Since my posting, he told me that I told him that I wanted him to put her to sleep and that he cried and cried and kept apologizing to the cat. That is just not true - it has never even been discussed. He is very angry with me. Thank goodness I caught him before it was too late. I don't work, but I do get out. I haven't been to church this weekend for fear of what else he thinks I have told him to do. I am arranging day care for when I have to leave. If you saw him, you would think I was lying as he looks so high functioning and is capabale of making very logical sense most times. This one really scares me. While we are under the care of all of the best physicians and had all the tests, I am going to get a second opinion regarding the neurologist. I think she is buying into his jolly demeanor and discounting me. He is on Aricept, but a low dose. His psychiatrist has also changed his meds and increased them and told him that he is never again to come to see her without me as he does not tell her the truth.
    In the past, I would have been angry with him, but I just feel so sad. It must be awful in his head thinking those things that have no truth to them at all. Thank you for understanding. He is busy being mad with me today because it is all my fault. Did anyone say this is an ugly disease...................
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2008
     
    Yup, I know the feeling about everyone thinking I'm either lying, over-reacting, or must have some kind of psycholgical problem, because he seems fine to everyone else.

    The psychiatrist should know better than to say he "doesn't tell her the truth". It's the truth as they see it. My husband went to one of his doctors recently by himself (he insisted on going alone), and came back with a prescription for medication that didn't address his problem. He INSISTED he explained things correctly to the doctor, but when I accompanied him the next time, when he heard me explain things, he said - "Well, maybe I didn't explain it correctly." They really do think what they are saying is accurate. :(

    joang
  3.  
    Since my husband can't drive, I have to take him to his appointments. I sit on the side of the room and have his doctors (primary care physician and neurologist) talk to him and question him and he answers - then they look at me for my nod or negative shake of my head. They are his doctors, but they need to know the truth. You are helping your spouse by being there. If something has happened that the doctor needs to know ahead of time, I e-mail them. They have it in the file when we arrive. It's been a great help for me.

    As far as animals are concerned, I'm mourning the loss of MY dog - a golden lab who has been with me since he was 6 weeks old and is a small pony who is 7 years old. He isn't dead - I'm having to give him away. He's always stayed in the house during the day with my husband, and my husband would put him on his leash (it is a 25 foot run) a couple of times during the day - because the idiot jumps the fence to go play with other dogs! We've never been able to break him of it, and the leash lets him run the back yard without jumping the fence. Bringing him into the house is the problem. He is so strong and pulls to come in to the house and my husband has almost fallen twice. He doesn't have the strength any more and I'm afraid he will be hurt and I won't know it until I get home from work. Also, I don't think he'll be able to stay home without assistance much longer. My grandson and his wife and children have offered to take him - and they live in Houston. I'll only get to see him once a year. It's killing me!!! At least he'll be in the family. We have another dog, a German Shepherd who is 11 and has the best manners ever. She will stay with us. She is his dog.
    I really empathize with you about your cat. You could put her in day care when you needed to go out for the day, or take her with you in a carrier. I hope it works out well for you.
  4.  
    Thanks for your understanding - sounds like you are having part of your heart ripped out too with the loss of your pets. I have two cats and a little dog. I got them one by one when this AD thing started, wanting something to love and cuddle with me. Made a mistake with the cats - they do not cuddle. I had one once that did, so thought these might. I am going to look into the pet day care places. He told me tonight that he realized that I didn't tell him to do it now, but at the time he said that he knew I told him to do it and it was me or the cat. The cat came home safe, but scared and threw up in the carrier. So everything is OK????????? But this has been a BIG reality check for me as heaven only knows what he will get in his head and feel compelled to do. I would have never thought this would have happened, but I am on higher alert now. What an education we are getting. Thanks again.
    • CommentAuthorSunshyne
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2008
     
    faith&hope ... could you put a lock on a door in your house, and simply lock the cat up (keep your husband out), with food, water, and kitty litter, of course, when you're not there? If your cat is anything like mine, he will not be happy being driven around.
  5.  
    Faith&Hope You might want to check around for a no kill cat shelter in your area where you could take your cats. I have two and I know that no one wants to give up any of their pets, but at least you would know that they would be safe. In his state of mind, who know what he is capable of. I am sure that you would be allowed to visit as well.

    Charlie
    • CommentAuthorAnna
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2008
     
    I'm an animal lover..maybe a bit fanatic.It's wonderful to know there are so may concerned animal lovers out there.
  6.  
    Thanks for your suggestions. I have plans for both ideas. I hate to get rid of the cats, but I think if I can get to the right place for them, that they will want to protect them as well. I am glad that this happened as nothing serious took place - almost did. But it lets me know that he is capable of thinking his own ideas and acting on them on his own. We saw the neurologist and she didn't seem to be concerned about it - we are in the process of looking for a new one that will really help us. Thanks - heavens only know how I could manage without this board.