In Today's New York Times, there's an article called "How To Speak Nanny" in the Home section. It was so interesting to read that many Moms who hire Nannys have difficulty explaining their expectations, discussing problem issues, etc. I saw it as a similar situation to dealing with people hired to take care of our LO's. The article said that many of these women had no problem communicating with employees in the workplace, but hiring someone to work in your home, to take care of someone you love, it quite a different thing. They're not a family member, not a friend, and not the same as a traditional "employee". Also mentioned was a fear of retribution against the child (substitute vulnerable adult) if the hired caregiver becomes disgruntled. I found that in this last year of having help in the home to take care of my husband, to some degree, I've had similar experiences to those mentioned in the article. Anyone who wants to read the article can go to nytimes.com.
Thanks, Marilyn. This was of extreme interest to me because it is all about..................communication. You have given me an idea for a blog. In reading the article, you could almost substitute AD spouse or LO in place of child and paid caregiver in place of "nanny".
For those who would like an easy route to the article - copy and paste - http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/04/garden/04nannies.html
Joan--That's exactly what I was thinking. Communicating with hired caregivers is a new experience for most of us and can be an added stressor on top of everything else with our spouses. I was discussing the article with a friend, and she pointed out that this type of difficulty may also exist in communicating with direct care staff in facilities, as well.
I don't want to open a can of worms here and get anyone upset at me, but the problem goes deep. Even if we CAREGIVERS, communicate very well as to what we want, people DO NOT LISTEN WELL. Based upon my experience as a language teacher/therapist for the last 30 years, kids have not been taught to LISTEN, nor have they been taught how to communicate clearly. So we have a generation in their 20's and 30's who do neither very well. Even if we, as caregivers, DO communicate what we want, the hired aides do not listen and pay attention. And now I'm really going to get myself in trouble by saying that some of the aides that are sent by agencies to care for our LO's are not well paid. WE may be paying $20-25 an hour to the agency, but you can be darn sure the aide is making nowhere near that amount. Well, you get what you pay for. Or rather, what the agency pays for. Yes, there are wonderful home health aides out there who will do anything to make our LO's lives more comfortable, and are loving and caring, but there are many who are not well trained or well educated enough to understand the complexities of dementia behavior.
I am NOT demeaning home health aides - just saying that often, depending upon the agency, the aides aren't well trained.
Monday's blog will be tips on how WE, as caregivers, can better communicate with the agency and the home health aides.
This is an interesting article, and your comments are, too. I have hired caretaker help in the home, live-in help, and now have my husband in a care facility where I have also hired supplemental help. As the risk of sounding prejudiced, here are my observations: Many other cultures have different health care standards than we do, and they think, when it comes to personal hygiene, for example, that we are "being too fussy". Many want a high wage, but want to do as little work as possible. Even those with high level of education or training (from any culture),unless they care, will not deliver responsible care. Caretakers (and their agencies, or facilities) reflect the general trend in society of lack of responsibility and poor service. THIS MAY ONLY BE TRUE IN CANADA. I have found the opposite in the USA, though I haven't been there for awhile. When possible, deal with the someone in charge either at the Agency or Facility WHO CARES to ensure you get proper care for your spouse. Be vigilant.
I agree about no 'listening'. My sister had breast cancer years ago and the lymph nodes removed from her arm. Due to this that arm is not reliable for BP, drawing blood, shots or IV's. I got so tired telling them not to use her left arm, even the same people. It was even posted over her bed to not use her left arm yet they still went for it. So now, not only is she dealing with some loss of use, but pain and lumps at the sites they insisted on injecting. I think I will suggest when she goes in for surgery Monday to wear her 'sleeve' that she often wears for water retention on that arm. Think they will get the message!