Sometime ago, I posted about our children and my DW's family wanting us to move to the city where they live. I didn't want to move and I said so and I received an awful lot of good advice. I decided at that time to stay where I am, but, I have changed my mind for two good(?) reason. One is that DW has progressed rapidly and I can't take care of her any longer. The other one is that tomorrow is my 76th birthday, and if I had any illness or hospitalization, there wouldn't be anybody here to take care of me. Oh, we have wonderful friends and neighbors, but, I think that this is the time you need family.
So, my daughter has found an ALF in Tulsa for $4,400.00 per month and the plan is for DW to go there while I fix up the house and sell it. I don't like this. I don't want this, but, my reasoning tells me that it is the right thing to do. I am going to approach it like it is going to be a good deal and I am going to be happy.
Dean, not only do I wish you well, I hope that your wife adjusts to the ALF quickly and that you are able to get your house the way it needs to be for a quick sale, so that you can move to Oklahoma as well. There comes a time in all of our lives that what we want is not what we know we need to do, and we make the decision that seems to be the best for everyone. You have done that, and hopefully you will sell your house so that you can be close to your family while you begin anew surrounded by your family who loves you and needs you close by. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you undergo this major change. Please keep us posted.
Oh Dean, this must be so difficult for you. But, I agree with you. You need your family. I guess the time comes for all of us when we have to bite the bullet and give in. Your life is important, too. I wish you well.
(((((Dean))))) I can totally relate to where you are. I recently place my husband in assisted living (December 21st). It got to the point I just couldn't do it anymore. It has now been over a month and I am just now feeling like I am entering the world again. I do have a lot more energy when I visit my husband and I'm there for him. Having my family here and close by had been a God send. They have been here and have helped me more than they will ever know.
The ALF your daughter found sounds like a very reasonable price. It sounds like you made your decision based on what was right for you and your wife. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this transition in your life.
Dean, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your DW. That does sound like a very reasonable price for the ALF. Where will you live when you get to Tulsa, once you sell the house? I hope everything goes smoothly for you. I hope your DW likes it at the ALF and I hope you are able to sell your home quickly.
Thanks to all of you for your advice and best wishes. My plan now is to sell our house and buy one over there for me to live in. I still want a house and a yard. Besides, they tell me that I can take DW out for dinner or church and that she can come home with me sometimes. But, I don't know if that would be a good idea. I'm afraid she might not want to go back. Do any of you do that??
Also, my DW doesn't know anything about this. I don't think she would remember if we told her. But, how and when to tell her? Any suggestions?
My dh is not yet placed but when my mother-in-law with AD was in a home, we took her out regularly but after a while she would get restless and want to go "home." This was not in the first weeks of placement, however. For at least a month, they recommended not taking them out of the facility. Don't know if things are still the same now.