My DH, just turned 58, is early stages, able and wants to participate in planning., selecting a facility, etc..perhaps his only method of 'control.' Recently we met with two of his sisters and his daughter who live in town. They all know I must keep working full time and the two sisters offered to provide day care when DH could no longer be on his own at home but OK with someone there...and night care if I needed it. Sweet! Then the sister who is planning to retire soon was wondering if we could give her any sort of time frame we would need her...she can retire any time now. I told her that we had no idea of the time frame or progression rate that would lead to needing day care. My DH piped up and said he thought two years. Later I asked him why he had said that. He told me it was 'just a hunch.' And he told me further he doesn't think he will live beyond another 6-7 years. He is NOT AT ALL depressed and in a better frame of mind than I am. So I am convinced this is not coming from a 'death wish'. I guess it probably does not matter much, but has anyone experienced anything like this where the person actually predicted progression?
Welcome to my website. I am sure you will find the support and information you are looking for here. We are all on the same journey, although in different stages. We learn from each other's experiences.
I do have to say that in all of these 12 pages of Message Board posts, I don't think I've heard of an AD patient "predicting" his/her timetable. AD is so unpredictable, and so different in every person that has it, that progression cannot be predicted by anyone, including doctors. Very often there is stability for months, then a downslide, then stability for months or years, then a downslide. Within those periods of stability and downslides, there are ups and downs. It's a roller coaster ride. Copy and paste this link: http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/rollercoaster.htm It is one of my previous blogs (See "previous blog" section on left side of website) that talks about the inconsistency of AD.
Having AD for two years before needing day care, and surviving for 7 years would be an average span of time of what I have read, though many live 10-15 years. Maybe he read it somewhere and assumed that it would apply to him. That is just a thought.
I've heard of people who decide they are ready to die and do. Maybe my DH (subconsciously) is setting himself a timetable. His biggest struggle right now is NOT watching himself 'leave', even though he finds that frustrating and sad at times. Rather my DH mostly seems to worry about me. He still understands what his condition is doing now as far as increasing my workload, financially to me/us as he goes on LT Disability, and will do eventually to me emotionally (as he leaves) and financially (when he is gone and there is no more LT Disabiltiy which is 2x my salary!). He knows his term life insurance cannot be renewed and expires in about 7 years, so maybe he 'plans' to die before that expires. Hmmm, will have to wait and see on that. We apparently got a fairly early diagnosis. It is nice for me because I can have some level of help in all the tasks and planning that need to occur. We also can do some grieving together. But it is very hard on HIM because of his level of awareness. We are just starting into the 'can't do' this-or-that phase and there seem to be a few conceptual things he seems to grasp and then I need to explain again next time the topic arises. Basically he understands what capabilities are leaving (so far). Thanks to all of you for 'being there.' Apparently my DH and I have only 'just begun'.
Your DH sounds exactly like mine. He is completely aware of what he is losing, and it hurts and depresses him. It also hurts him that when he gets out of control, his behavior hurts me so much. He keeps saying that he is trying to hold onto what he still has as long as possible. We cry together often.
If you get a chance, in the "previous blog" section on the left side of the website, read #126- Help for the Newly Diagnosed. There is good information in there for those just starting on this journey.
Ever since the diagnosis, my husband has seemed almost serene. Part of that is probably because he is not aware of his problems. He knows he's been diagnosed, and he read up on AD -- he simply isn't aware that he forgets things all the time or that he is struggling to do the simplest tasks. Sometimes he asks me for examples of his problems. He seems curious, not upset.
But part of the serenity seems to be that he is very confident that he will die long before his symptoms get really bad. He hasn't given me a timeframe (and heaven only knows I'm not about to ask for one!) but I get the impression he thinks he knows.
Maybe, as Mary says, he read that most AD patients die before they develop the worst symptoms, simply because most AD patients are older.
Then again, my husband has always had a bit of a mystical streak in him ... and has always told me he knows when and how he'll die. (I never asked for details about that, either, and he never volunteered. There are some things I really do not need to know...)