It has been recommended to me that I start planning Mark's funeral now so that when he passes, I don't have to be saddled with all the details. I did contact the funeral home and I'm working with them now. Are any of you doing this? If so, how has the process worked for you?
We did this several years ago, when my wife was normal. She told me the greatest gift her dad had given her was to take all the decision out of the funeral for him in a pre planned pre paid arrangement with the funeral home. I think this is something everyone should do when they are in good health and able to make the decision and not put it on a family member at the hardest time.
I think it should be done sooner - rather than later. Our have been pre-planned, pre-paid and all details ironed out. We did this last year - DH was able to participate then - probably not now. I am so glad it's taken care of.
Alzheimer's Disease or no Alzheimer's Disease, it is always a good idea to have the funerals pre-planned. Especially if the funeral home lets you pay it out over time. Then if you or your spouse manage to stay alive through the payments, it's all done and it's just a matter of calling the funeral director when it's time. We did that with my mother-in-law. Both my father and step mother have their funerals planned and paid for.
We have plots. Have discussed several timees over the years. I have checked into various options and aspects. We're not in the position to do any prepaid plan (and they wont write one up for Dh because of Dx). Have started e-mailing with Daughter on this and am building a file. At least details will be compiled so they can be used. Pictures collected to sort for use; basics of visitation, service, luncheon, private burial,menu, music all noted down. Any and all of this should get us through much more easily.
Our lawyer recommended that we pre-plan and pre-pay also. This takes it out of the pot before Medicaid puts their fingers in the pie. I agree with the sentiment that it also makes it easier for those left behind when the time comes. We did figure out where his ashes are going, I still need to do the actual arrangements.
I spoke with the funeral home and I can pre-pay but it doesn't lock in the burial costs. So for me, I am doing all the pre-planning and estimating of costs and will pay for it when the time comes. Since it won't freese the costs to pay, I would prefer that they not have my money until they need it.
If cost isn't locked in, like you Diane T, I don't see the point of pre-paying; gather interest ourselves. Pre-planning, yes. Our elder law attorney said don't pre-pay. Leaves more in the pot that will have to be split should one of us have to be in a nursing home on medicaid. Based on all that's said here, I hope we can do home health care as long as possible and avoid nh if possible. All these decisions are stressful: do this; no do this; put your $ here; no, put your $ here. I never gave 1 single, solitary thought to such stuff as this 50 years ago.
I thought about this too..but got discouraged when they asked me "paper or plastic". Fortunately, I am a veteran and I believe I can also get the benefits for my dw. Perhaps we can be buried in matching luggage......two WalMart shopping bags. Anyway, I have decided that I will wait until I really need to. I do not need to have a hand built, customized coffin....and they have plenty in stock and on the shelf for me to pick from. Also, I may decide on the big bonfire, and then I can invite friends and bring marshmallows and hot dogs//// I do have arrangements for my mom, and these were prepaid a long time ago. Supposedly, it does freeze the cost, but I was told that the airfare would have to be adjusted for actual cost. Also, Murray also has made his arrangements at my suggestion, and he is going to the national cemetary in Bushnell.. This is not a pleasant aspect to handle, but my attitude has made it easier to bear. When I think rationally (almost never), I realize that it does not really matter. No one is going on display in a museum, but headed back to dust as intended. In all funeral processions that I have been to or seen, the second car in line contained flowers and never an armored truck by Brinks, Wells Fargo, or Loomis. And, the minute someone throws dirt, everyone scatters and never returns, other than a short brief, visit. So WalMart works for me..... After doing a bit of thinking..I am donating my body to science!!
(Science fiction that is...I want to star in the movie "The Revenge of the EOAD Zombies!!)
Phranque, since you are a Veteran, both you and your wife can be buried in a National Cemetery at no cost for the plot or mausoleam (sp) if you chose cremation. My BIL was buried at the one in Washington state and my sister will be next to him when her time comes. You can also get your headstone free from the VA.
We had the option with Claude, but he wanted his ashes buried in his hometown near family. Years ago, the Chickasaw Indian Tribe donated land for the cemetery. It is open to anyone, not just the tribe, so there was no cost. When my time comes, my ashes will be buried beside his. Several years ago, we both signed up with a cremation society and received a discount. They took care of everything including certified copies of the death certificate, urn and obituaries.
Phranque, I am very short and have a lot of anger at the EOAD devil right now. Does that secure me a spot in the movie?????? Hope so....... Thanks for keeping us laughing when all we can do is cry......love your sense of humor
phranque, you are right. My wife is buried at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery. I will join her sometime. redbud, you are wrong. Your sister will be buried on top, not next to. Whoever dies first, veteran or spouse, is buried deep. The next one goes on top. They destroy the original headstone and the veteran name goes on the side facing the grave, the spouse on the obverse. They are running out of room.
Dking, my parents and parents in law are buried in Jefferson Barracks. What a wonderful cemetery....and they have recently opened some new areas but that space will be used up very quickly.
Frank, you can always leave instructions that you want to be face down in your coffin, that way you will be facing each other. I was reading that some of the national cemeteries have gardens especially for spreading ashes.
We just did the cremation signing thing last week..no fancy junk..we just want it to be easy for our kids...just want them to have a good party to say goodbye.
My (or is it still our) lawyer suggested that I plan the funeral and pre-pay for it soon. I wanted to do this several years ago, but, my wife wouldn't hear of it then. It was one of those things that she didn't want to even discuss much less participate in. As of now, she won't have to. She doesn't understand and I will mostly do it by myself, but, I will talk with our children about it.
We have three cemetary lots where her GrMother was buried in 1916. Her GrFather bought four of them for $5.00 and only one has been used, but, she, has steadfastly refused to even consider them. That was before she got so bad.
I agree with Mammie and wish, not all of this, but some of it would just go away. Sounds like I have been in the kool-aid again.
I decided to review the funeral policy. I called the funeral home and asked what else will I have to pay for. I am shocked by the answer. It is a big scam. I alreadly have paid for 2 pre need funerals 10 years ago. That did not include the cost to open and close the grave $1500.00, Obituary $350.00, conatiner $500.00 , Police escort from Funeral Home to Grave Site $500.00 and a space in the cemetery $3500.00. I asked what did the $5000.00 I already gave the cover? Metal casket and use of the funeral home and 50 mile radius to pickup the body and transport it to the funeral home and prepare it for burial.
Moorsb--Before you spend anymore, think about what you want--bottom line and then what you'd like to have. Then start checking around. We bought our Burial plots, several years ago, on a promotion. Since then we've decided on cremation. We can use one plot for both of us. I anticipate having Hospice and we can sell the other plot, or donate it to Hospice to use. Urns (many styles)can be had, on line, far less expensively. Also, be aware, some costs can't be prepaid. I found out the temporary container from tghe Crematorium can go directly into the vault for burial, we won't bury the nice one we buy to use at the service. Our Daughter will use it for keepsakes.
Carosi, I am a bit confused by what you said. If you are going to be cremated then why do you have kept 1 plot? In stead of a casket use are going to use a container. The temporary container you said goes into the vault. The you have bought a nicer container for the service and your daughter will keep that, but not the ashes correct?
I see that my policy provides for a metal coffin at a cost of $2500. and then standard services for $2500.
I see online I can buy a very nice oak coffin for $1500.00 I am wondering if they will refund my $2500 for the coffin and let me ship them a much nicer oak one for the funeral. I am going to shop around for some plots, I see there are many on craigslist for 1/2 of what they purchased them for.
It is my understanding that even when a body is cremated, the casket chosen has to go through the cremation process also (for health reasons). Could be that different states have different rules. You can bet the rules are always changing mostly to benefit funeral professionals.
As for "cheaper" plots, look in classified sections of newspapers. Sometimes people buy plots but decide to be buried elsewhere and they offer the plots for less than what the cemeteries charge.
When my mother died we had her cremated. I don't remember buying any casket. Then her ashes, and those of my father who died 30 years earlier, were spread in the bay where they enjoyed sailing. No urn, no plot. We then had a stone with their names and dates put in a "memorial" area on our property. When my wife dies, I will get a stone for her and me in the memorial area, then probably bury her ashes under the stone or sprinkle them around where she had her garden.
There is a county cemetery near where we live now, and the cost is very cheap $500.00 per plot. I do not know if I will move later on and this cemetery is fairly remote. It is well cared for today, but that does not mean it will in the future. I may look at buying off of craigslist some plots in Fort Worth that have pertetual care. I do think this is way over priced. I was told that I had locked in the rate of the funeral home services and that today it would cost twice what I have already paid. Cremation is the cheapest route, but Sandra does not want that.
moorsb---At the time DH's Mom passed, he wanted us to at least start on funeral preparations. We took advantage of the promotion of a new cemetery to get the plots. Cost us $500 plus financing for a payment plan. Since we have them and our plans have changed it makes sense to use one rather than spend for Columbarium spaces. Selling a single isn't easy, and we're not out anything to do that. The Crematorium will receive the body, cremate it and deliver it in a temporary urn-- some sort of "plastic"(?)box. From what I researched many people chose an urn to transfer the cremains to and then keep it, bury it, or place it in a Columbarium. Whether in the Columbarium or in the plot, there will be opening and closing costs, the cost of a vault, and a marker. In discussing it with my Daughter, we decided the cost of a nice urn which can double as a keepsake container makes more sense, and bury the ashes in the temporary urn. As you found on the price of coffins, looking on line,the cost for urns varies widely. Also, selection varies widely too. Many picture an urn as being of a kind of vase or jar type shape and material. We prefer a wooden box type style. All containers for cremains are urns regardless of shape or material.
My husband doesn't want to be cremated. But cemetary where he will be buried is a thousand miles away, in Massachusetts. I'm working now on buying a cemetary plot, so at least that will be done. But my current thinking is to see what the situation is when the time comes. If it is the middle of winter, I will probably go against his wishes and choose cremation, rather than take on a lot of extra expense and struggle.
I do not wish to pre-pay, as we will do the simplest things possible when the time arrives. No viewing, no casket, no plot, no stone. The simplest of gatherings/memorial service, and cremation. It may be the best idea ever to prepay, but I was scared off by a report a few years ago about a funeral company going out of business and people who had pre-payed being out with no chance of refund. In some sense or other it's going to have to be dealt with at the time, regardless of whether I tender a credit card now or then.
Check your state laws on buying a casket on line. In Tenn. state law is you must buy casket from a funeral home. Some law. We have placed our headstone at the cemetery in the state where a baby daughter is buried no charge for burial plot as it is a family plot. I have registered our names with the city clerk as this is a city owned cemetery . I plan to use his life insurance policy for shipment of body and have talked with the funeral home where we live and told the procedure. They will contact the funeral home in the town where burial will take place and make all arrangements. I also have checked for arrangements for my sister who lives in assisted living in the town where we do and will also be buried in another state. She has prearranged, prepaid funeral plan. I need to check with them on additional costs since others have been "surprised" and I don't need that when her final arrangements must be made.
I have been reading all the comments about funeral costs and here is my take on it. Both my wife and I decided long ago that we would be cremated without a funeral service. In checking at the local funeral home they quoted a price of 2500 to 2600 dollars for a simple cremation with no viewing or service. I went online and checked at a nearby city and found a cremation site who for the same service charged only 1268 dollars for everything. so it pays to shop around. The cremains will be in a small container and given to the family for their disposal or placement.
OH, I forgot the headstone $$$ 4,000.00 and then the cemetery charges you $250.00 to set it in place. So I figure I'll owe another $10,000 for a pre arranged and prepaid. This is a scam. I have been getting 1099's each year from the funeral on the prepaid plan which locks in the cost of services and casket. I asked where is the intrest $$. I was told that is how they lock in the prices, they just keep the interest. If I cancel the policy I get just my original money back but none of the interest 15yrs of interest. They did say they would give me back what they charged me for the casket, if I want to take care of that myself. In Dallas there is a company that sells caskets online and they can deliver in 24 hrs.
I bought two cemetary plots 3 years ago, on my own, without my husband present, at our local cemetary minutes from our home. They cost $5800, including the vault and headstone. We will still have to pay for the cost of the funeral home and the actual burial. When my DH asked if we had cemetary plots, I told him we had picked them out together a long time ago and he is very satisfied with that answer and glad we have that taken care of.
I'm in Illinois near Chicago and we have billboards that advertise "starting at" prices for some of the funeral homes in my area. I had to do a doubletake the first time I saw them. We have one funeral home that I know of, who will rent you the casket for the viewing if you are having a cremation done.
When you pre-pay for funeral services and casket, keep in mind that the casket you pick out now will most probably not be available by the time you need it - and prices of caskets keep going up - so you would have to pay the difference for any other casket you pick when you need it. We had two plots in the cemetery across the street from us. Then when my son died last Christmas, he was cremated and ashes buried at our church's Memorial Gardens. I sold the two plots for about half of what we paid for them because we will both now be cremated. We had decided that several years ago and pre-paid for a cremation, which in our area at that time was about $1600. Additional charges when you need them would be the urn, if you desire, thank you cards, visitation, flowers, etc. My son's memorial was at our church, with visitation just 1/2 hour before the service; the funeral home loaned me an urn to use for the service, and the ashes were then transferred to a box which was buried in the gardens, with an engraved brick with his name and dates. Total cost was $1600.
Each state is different regarding pre-paid plans and interest -some pay, some don't. Read your contract before you pay the money! Also, in some states your money is deposited with a state agency - so in the event the funeral home goes out of business, your money is still there. NEVER deposit money that goes into the funeral home account.
Mentioned in another thread, but appropriate here. We have donated our bodies to university research. At death they are to be called--not a funeral home. The university will make arrangements to pick up body, do their research and then cremate. Cremains will be returned to us or they can be buried at university site. No charge for any of this. (Ours will be returned.) We want no service, but if kids prefer a memorial that's up to them. We are part of a family burial site that's been in the family for who knows how long, but we suggested to kids they scatter remains in the woods where we live. My dad had a stone placed years ago for my brother, hb and I because he tho't that would make us move back. We did after he'd passed, but not because of that. The funeral business is just too costly. At the end of long-term diseases, most of us won't have much $$ left.
The funeral home I dealt with is part of a national chain so they're not going anywhere. I prepaid everything and as the costs soared my arrangements were locked in. Sadly that was one of the best financial deals I ever made.
My Dad had made arrangements with the University of Washington medical research group to donate his body. The university was notified when he passed on. Because of what he died from (anyersym (sp), they chose not to accept his body. I don't remember now (35 yrs ago) if they gave a reason, but deep down I was glad.
I went to look at a space in a perpetual care cemetery, $4500.00 per space . The entire cemetery was brown because of lack of rain in Texas. I guess the care does not include watering the grass. I did not like that all the headstones were flat on the ground none up right.
I don't really like the flat headstones either, but in our cemetary they have special sections where you can have the larger tombstones, but the plots are more expensive and they really want more than one person's name on the headstone, they want 4!
My DH is a veteran & there is a VA cemetary about 40 minutes away. There is no charge for the plot, but there is a fee for opening the grave, so that of course is where we will end up, I need to fill out the paperwork for that.
I don't care what they do with me when I am gone,thankfullyI won't be in this body anyway,hopefully I will be sitting on a cloud in peace and quiet!!! As for my dh we have a little community graveyard that is free to all,that is where other family members were laid to rest so he will be there too. I have told our girls to have me cremated for the sake of cost but they will do what they want. I am ready to GO now but I ask the Lord to let me stay long enough to see that my dh is cared for till the end. Some days though I wonder which of us will make it the longest!!!!
redbud, you caused me to check into our body donation this a.m. to see if they would be rejected for any reason. Since there's no doctor sign-off re cause of death, the university won't know cause. We have a # to call at time of death for body pick-up. University takes care of everything. Bodies do have to be 6' or less and 200# or less (hb's there since he's lost wt from not eating much), and have no contagious diseases, like HIV.
My mom donated her body to OHSU in Portland. She had to prepay a plan that would cover transporting her body, cremation,etc. to the tune of $1,000. When they were done, they cremated her body and mailed it to my sister. The postman about fainted when he found out what was in the box.
My husband is a veteran, so he can be buried in the national cemetery or cremated. They have a special garden at Willamette National Cemetery in Portland to scatter ashes.
When my aunt died she was buried in a plain pine box. For the service they put it in a nice casket where the material covered the pine box. Then they just lifted the pine box out, pulled the nice casket out, and lowered her down.
Think about it - it cost more to die than be born!
My dh and I both have arranged for our bodies to go to the University of Washington medical school for their students. They take your body after death,use it any way that they need to and in 1-2 years, they return or bury the ashes for the family. The only thing that I will have to do for dh is plan a memorial and I really should get to that (not that he's going any time soon, but...). I have given some instructions in our wills as to my final goodbye, and I am thinking about worship songs that I like and bible verses and I have chosen the man to officiate. Still some work to do, but, the burial is taken care of and I won't have to deal with any funeral homes.
mothert - that is what we were told about my mom - 1 year. 6 months later her ashes arrived. We figured the timing must have been right for the students and/or they had a shortage of cadavers.