Joan, Go with that travel group. Take Sid anywhere and everywhere you can. I look back and think how glad I am that I didn't hold back taking DH when I went places. Maybe it was easier because I do drive, but just go. What is the saying? "Those that matter, don't care and those that care don't matter." I tried to make sure that he was never embarrased by not knowing a person's name by always telling him who they were. When we would see someone or if someone was walking toward us, I would say "OH, look here comes Tom and his wife Jane" If people came to visit us I would do the same thing. I may have said their names several times before they even knocked on the door. When they walked in he would be standing there and before anyone could say anything he would always say, Hi, Tom. Hi Jane. I know it made him feel good that they thought he remembered them.
Friends do seem to vanish after you've been going through this for several years. I guess they might hang around for a while waiting to see if he was going to get better. At the end, we ended up with one of my friends still calling and checking on us and he had one friend from out of state that would call to check on both of us. Other than those two, it was our three daughters and my two sisters and his older brother. Even his other brothers and sister seemed to have vanished for the last three years. I just figured it was their loss that they didn't see their brother.
Don't be embarrased by what he says or does. It isn't his fault. Take Sid anywhere he would enjoy as long as you can get him there. You'll not regret it.
Next month I will be trying something I had decided against - taking DW to the theater to see Gilbert & Sullivan's "The Sorcerer". We have been G&S fans all our lives and have seen every show except one ("Utopia Limited"). I had decided not to go to this show, but another couple at our retirement home asked if we were going, and then urged us to reconsider. The end result is that we will be joining 8-10 other people for the Sunday matinee, and then going out to dinner. I have been asked to buy the tickets for everyone. One concession I have made to DW's situation is that I will get the others seats near the middle, but I will put us at the back on the aisle so we can get out easily if DW gets too restless. Also, that way we will be closer to the rest rooms. I hope it works.
I love the Sorcerer! My name is John Wellington Wells, I'm a dealer in magic and SPELLS - I used to be able to recite the whole thing. We had some 78 records with, of all people, Nelson Eddy singing the Sorcerer song!
Marsh, take her favorite candy or something to occupy her hands in case she seems restless during the play. I take my husband to the movies (so I can go) and get him a big bucket of popcorn and he eats the popcorn and sometimes dozes off (he doesn't know what is going on in the movie, but like for Avatar, the visuals seem to stimulate him enough to draw his attention), but he stays put and I can enjoy the movie! The theater doesn't work quite the same way, so I suggested treats instead of popcorn....<grin>
It's not the travel. We will do and go as much as we can whenever we can. That has been my philosophy for 40 years, and it hasn't changed. The point I was trying to make was that now, at this time in our lives, both of us are only comfortable with Alzheimer friends, and therefore, have no other group of friends since we moved to Florida. As I said in the blog - I'm okay with it - just that it was a weird realization.
Yes, Joan, I realized what you were saying. Somehow, however, personally, I don't think just having Alzheimer friends is good for either of you. Only my personal opinion. We have kept a diverse group of friends - not many - but no one with ALZ. They stick with us even though they don't always know how to respond or react to DH. But, so far, this has worked well for us - and get some "normal" conversation with them.
Our situation is as it is because we moved to another State just as his disease was emerging. If we had stayed in Massachusetts, we would still have the friends we had for 30 years - well, we still do have them- we just don't see them often. They are loving and supportive through phone calls, e-mails, and once a year visits. And I am sure we would have added Alzheimer friends.
But when we moved here, we had to make all new friends. That would have been the case, with or without Alzheimer's Disease - move to a new State- gotta make new friends. The compatibility factor just didn't work for us with non-Alzheimer brand new people. However, Sid did make one non AD friend right after we moved here. He is single, so it's not a "couple" situation, and they still get together every few weeks for guy stuff.
I knew what you were saying also Joan. You just mentioned the travel group and not know what Sid would do; that's why I said just go if you can. We have lived in the same area our entire married life, DH moved here when he was in high school and always stayed in contact with seven of his high school friends. That is up until he started saying and doing things that he would never have done before. I can't say that we were ever the type to entertain or go place at lot. It was mostly just us being together doing things. We did have friends that we would visit and they would come over for cards but not on a frequent basis. What ever friends we had before, weren't there as much after. Maybe it was my fault because I didn't want to take him. I think maybe I was the one who left them and not the other way around.
Thank you all. We are going to hear a classical music concert tonight. After reading Joan's blog about travel, and your responses, I decided to look online for tickets to tonight's concert.Maybe my DH will like it, maybe he'll complain" it's too much music"This has happened before.But if I miss out on everything I enjoy, so as not to cause displeasure, I will lose twice.It's 4PM, he's napping now. I will make dinner, wake him in time to eat and dress, and off we will go. Wish me luck, Phyllis9
Two years ago I had an oppurtunity to take a group bus trip to Branson. I only knew one coupl, and not very well. I decided to go for it. At different times I explained to people (without him knowing) that he has AD. This group was wonderful. They all took him as a project. They helped me keep him in sight (he was fast). The men would assist him in the mens room when he would not leave me...in line for the ladies room. He loved it and so did I. Now, I did manage to cover up the fact that when we were leaving a restaurant, with the others ahead of us...he started picking up the tips from around the table!
People are basically good and this was an older group, so I managed to have a good time...Ann
I found when I forewarned folks they were helpful. I explained our problem to a serviceman and he actually let my husband "help" him. Our favorite waitress was a super star. I
I also moved across country one year after my husband's EVENT. We began to make friends, but didn't really have much time to do that before he couldn't socialize anymore. I was well into being a power in our little 55+ community, but most people don't know who I am anymore. But I'll admit I've had neighbors go out of their way to be helpful. I'm very lucky that way.
On the other hand I don't know anyone locally who is dealing with dementia, so we don't have Alzheimer's friends either.
I too moved us half way across the country after the DX mid 2007. We were in a support group at our old home but out here there are none in town and I haven't yet connected with one in a nearby town which would require an hour or more drive. We've made a few friends here and none have AD. I would so love to have what you do Joan. It's hard when you know that nobody truly understands and it is so tiring to always be explaining. And like you mentioned no one here knows what DH was like BEFORE or what I was like BEFORE for that matter.
Grannywiskers: You mentioned a bus to Branson. Where do you live? We're in Eureka Springs, AR, which you may know is fairly close to Branson.
Yes, you are so right about no one knowing who we were BA (Before Alzheimer's Disease). Check out this blog on that subject - http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/KnowusbeforeAD.htm
Starling, you're lucky you have a DATE, the EVENT, with which to define the start of dementia for your husband. Most of us think back.. and back.. and back.. Was the fact that he would always copy my ailments (even when I went into labor) an early sign, almost 50 years ago? It taught me to swallow my physical complaints and keep going, for sure...
briegull, my DH never copied my physical complaints before AD; but now he does. I can NEVER tell him or speak about my ailments. If I do, he will "get" the same thing and I have two of us to "treat". I always keep a supply tic-tacs (in a prescription bottle) to give him for his same as mine ailment! He seems to get better quicker than I do. LOL
I know we should do things and go places MORE and NOW while DH is actually physically capable... I need more vitamins to actually do it. Even so, I really appreciate hearing that many of you ARE doing it and that it often works out wonderfully well. Woweee. Certainly we need to get out of here more.. Great ideas. Our friends are still here in the community..and it seems our worlds are turning in various other directions.