Yes it is the best answer, Carolyn, and for those who ask me, the ones who don't call him anymore I am going to use that response. I think it is terrible that all those "dear friends" and "pals" just "forget" to call or drop a note to the one who while not quite the same, and for those especially still functional and would enjoy a game of golf even if you had to help them a little, don't bother. It is not like the mumps they won't"catch" this like a cold..but they drift off anyway...so .....great reply...we should all use it even if the person is not in the NH...
I do understand why some friends -- especially men -- drift away. Men are often friends because of the things they do together, and when it becomes impossible to keep doing it in the same way -- competitively -- the friendship (which was grounded on this common activity) will dwindle away. When I quit playing tennis many years ago, I lost most of my tennis friends, who I regarded as my dearest friends in those days -- although they are still around to say hi and exchange news with, they are no longer "friends." Only a couple who had become closer above and beyond the tennis, remained friends. Joan had a blog early on about how you need new friends for new phase in your life -- only family and a few true-blue friends will stay with you through every stage. Luckily we have a couple of those, but most fall away. We had a couple that we played bridge with, and I love them dearly. But now that dh can no longer play bridge, meetings seem less fun and happen less and less often. Just the way it goes, I don't blame them for it. We tried to find alternative games, but he can't play those either anymore. And I find myself reluctant to call them, feeling their disappointment in the contact.
There are others who've made a special effort to find something he can still do, and have been going out together for a film and restaurant meal afterwards. When he starts refusing to go to movies or out to dinner -- what then?
My DH has always been a loner. The friends we had in Ohio were the ones we out to dinner with or had dinner at each others home. DH never played golf, card games or anything else, so there is no one to keep him occupied. He hasn't made any close friends here in SC except for a neighbour who walks with DH once in a while.
My husband also has early onset and has had it for 8 yrs (he is now 66). When we go for walks some people ask him how he is doing? Some people just ignore us but we smile and say "hi" anyway. His old friends never call and when they did only spoke to me. Now he is at a point where no one calls and he doesn't remember these so called friends any longer. He used to get a kick out of someone just calling to say "hello" and the few cards to cheer him up always brought a smile.
As I've said before, because my husband asked me not to tell our friends or some of our extended family, I listened to him and didn't tell. When I finally had no choice but to tell, I found that they look surprised and, as one friend said, "saddened," but they haven't called to see how he's doing. I don't think they know what to say, but he IS able to talk to them. One of his friends said, "Boy, he sure talks a lot." Yes, he does. When he gets going, he doesn't listen to others like he used to and I don't think they like that. I'm really surprised at how little people know about dementia, and about compassion for someone who can't help the way he is.