Has any one else had to ask their husband to leave the home because of verbal abuse?. My husband has been recently diagnosed at 42 with early onset, hereditory. He has been verbally abusive towards me and our children 12,10,3,2. Before we received the diagnosis he has had symtoms for about 3 years - memory loss and confusion. I love my husband dearly and have we have been together since we were teenagers and go to bed each night so guilty that I have had to do this I cry to sleep often, however I have had to protect our children from the abusie behaviours. The professor we are seeing has prescribe Respiridol wafers for him to take, however he does not want to take them. My husband is still working part time thus far however he can not sustain this for much further. As we are young we still have our mortgage and other finacial obligations which I have been paying on my own. I feel like I have the weight of everything on my shoulders and besides this website community have no family and limited friends to turn too. There are limited services in Australia to help me and our children - which in my opinion is so appauling in 2010. Any suggestions would be greatly received
Traceylee, so sorry you are having to deal with this. My situation is not so bad, since our children are grown and we are retired. But I did deal with verbal abuse for a while. Then I read on this site that there are medications to solve this, and my husband has been taking Risperidal (pills) and that has almost entirely solved the problem. My husband is much calmer, less agitated and easier to manage.
It seems to me that having him move out may solve a problem, but can he live on his own? I do agree that the children come first and you must do what is necessary to protect them.
The medication would be the best answer it you could swing it. My suggestion -- if it would work for you -- is to give him the medication in a form in which he does not know that he is taking it. Crush the pill (I don't know if this is possible with wafers, having never dealt with them) and put it in something that he likes to eat.
I am sorry that I know nothing about the system in Australia. But I do know that at least 2 or 3 of our members chose to live away from their husbands in order to save their own sanity and family. I am hoping they see this topic and respond. In the meantime, I am trying to find those discussions.
Traceylee, we have had terrific results from Seroquil. There is a wide range of dosages. Our doc allowed me to slowly increase his daily doses until I got him to a liveable place. I found it helpful to bring articles that I searched out with me when going to the dr. So many times I have had to educate the "professional". You need to be the advocate, but not at the expense of your safety. Keep posting, we will be here. Arms around, Susan
Thank you all for your responses !. I will be speaking to The profeesion at the hospital that is managing my usband about regular medication. My husband was here today and spends some time each week with the kids and I intend to make an agreement with him that he has to be on the mediation whilst he is here. He should agree, however he does not recognise when he is reacting most of the time. I am so scare for the future and what my future entails. Again Thank you
Traceylee. I'm sorry to hear of your situation. My hubby is 55, and has EOAD. We have 3 children, ages 11, 5, and 3. Part of this insidious disease is the personality changes.....and not necessarily for the better. My husband, too, became, well, to put it nicely....a bear to live with. I asked the neuro about upping his antidepressant, but he was unwilling to do so...'unless things got worse'. The emotional abuse toward me and my children was unbearable some days, and I found myself asking....what, exactly, does worse mean?? physical abuse? I would definitely draw the line there....and I took a stand and drew the line at emotional as well.... whenever he would go on one of his rants, I would tell him it was unacceptable, and if he would not acquiesce, then I would remove myself and the children and go elsewhere. It's not fun being a hostage in your own home. Especially when you know the person you fell in love with is no longer the person standing before you because of AD.
After chatting with some fellow spouses in the chat room on the Alz site, one recommended switching from Aricept to the Exelon patch. And, the neuro was open to doing that...so we did. The first two weeks, I didn't see a change at all, and was very disheartened, knowing that meds work different for each individual. However, at about the 2 week mark, I began to see DH mellowing out a bit, and he continued to do so. He still has temper tantrums from time to time, but nowhere near what they used to be. So, living with him is tolerable again. I have still had to 'remove him' from my children on occasion when he gets physical with them, exerting his parental rights. Go figure. I spend the better part of 10 years learning how to support my husband and not contradict him in front of the children.....and then, just when (I thought anyway) I'm finally starting to get it, I have to figure out how to not allow certain behaviors, still without seeming disrespectful in front of the children.
I-yi-yi. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.......this disease bites.
Anyway, Traceylee. DH is now on Namenda, Exelon patch, and prozac.....along with many mutlivitamins/supplements.
I wish you the best, and will be praying for you.
I hope you could join me in the chat room on the Alz site sometime, and maybe we could chat live. Here is the link: http://alzheimers.infopop.cc/eve/chime
I'm usually there in the evenings, USA Pacific coast time.....
dsm14 - you gave the perfect example that we have spoken of here before. That you have to find the right med. There have been others here that found their spouse having the same reaction as yours to one drug and fine with another. Happy that there was a positive change
dsm14--you mentioned an antidepressant, but no antipsychotic drugs for your husband. Is there a reason his doctor hasn't prescribed them? My husband is on both simultaneously. If behavior problems still exist, you might want to look into that.
Thank you Marilyn....but he has seemed to mellow out, with only the occasional outburst. I am willing to put up with those, for him to be alert (he already sleeps a lot, anyway) and able to interact with the children....for their sakes. I'm hoping they remember the good times with their dad. My hope has transitioned from hoping for a cure, to hoping I can make life as normal as possible for my children, and raise them to be happy, well-adjusted young man and women, and that some day, life will get back to normal.....whatever that is.
I am so blessed to have found these message boards, to learn from everyone's experiences, so that I have a 'bag of tricks' for when each next stage comes. Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences, and what has helped. I only hope I can be as helpful for others as you all have been for me.
Just to be clear, dsm14, Risperdal has not made my husband sleep more or be any less alert. I don't know if others will back me up on this. In our case, it has just helped a lot of control the anxiety that often triggers agitation and anger (and has been a lifesaver).
dsm14--I just want to let you know that it is possible to raise your children to be happy and well-adjusted, even under the circumstances. My husband's Dad had EOAD, which probably started to be noticeable when Steve was around 12. He saw some terrible things as a teenager, and his Dad had to be institutionalized. As a young man he drove his Mom to a State mental hospital (you can imagine what scenes existed there) to visit his Dad, who died when Steve was about 22. Yet, through it all, his Mom was able to raise him, with the help of the extended family, into a wonderful man.