This morning I mentioned to my husband that we needed to get the weeds pulled out of the grass. When I got home tonight, there was a 3 foot circle in my back yard that is bare! It was mostly clover at this point, but he pulled up everything!
After dinner I told him that he didn't have to do any more work in the yard, that I have just hired someone to come and take care of it for him, and he nodded with a smile on his face. (Now, if I didn't know he had AD, I would suspect that he plotted that!)
I am sorry I had to smile - my lo was pulling weeds out of an area beside a long walkway we have on the side of our house. We had plantings there that covered the fence - 6 feet tall, beautiful drought tolerant ground cover. I came home from the doctor and all I could see was dirt. He had decided he wanted it all out and was going to Home Depot to buy some exotic care intensive plants. I told him to leave it alone - of course, he is still mad at me about it. That was last summer - and sure enough the old plants have come back - but only a foot high, but time will take care of that. For my lo it seems like he gets very "focused" on what is in front of him and doesn't look at the big picture. But I guess that is the result of the executive functioning that shows a deficit on his testing. It is so funny - and it's not - how much of the same things they do.
Once I asked my DH to take the wheelbarrow of iris I just divided to the back of our yard and he threw the whole lot over the bank! Oh well, at least I didn't have to figure out who might want them and I've often wondered if they are growing down by the Columbia River somewhere. I've already told the story of asking for the cherry tomatoes and getting all the highbush cranberries! I'm really glad I no longer have a yard!
The last time I tried a list with my husband he did pretty well. That was probably a couple of months ago. The list had 10 or 12 things on it and he got all but one or two. He went off to get a haircut about half an hour ago and just got back. The barber shop is well within his current driving range. This is the good side of the "oh, what is going to happen next" tug of war and why I never quite know what to do and what to let him do.
Some days my husband can read me the list of groceries on the chalk board (when I call on my cell phone from the grocery store) and some days he can't. On the bad days, I just get what I can remember we need, and when I get home I write down any remaining items and pick them up the next day on the way home from work. You would be amazed at some of the words he has invented!
I WAS DIGGING SOME SPRING DAFFODILS TO MOVE THEM AND ASKED MY DH TO DIG THE ONES ACROSS THE FENCE[I AM TERRIFIED OF ELECTRIC FENCES] AND HE JUST COULD'T DO IT,IT WAS PITIFUL TO WATCH,I JUST STARTED SAYING,JUST PICK THE BLOOMS OFF,FOR OUR LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTER WHO WAS WITH US. HE GOT SO FRUSTRATED HE COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT,BOY YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHEN THIS UGLY DISEASE IS GOING TO SLAP YOU IN THE FACE AND NOT LET YOU FORGET THAT IT IS THERE AND GETTING WORSE. WE DID GET SOME OF THE FLOWERS I DUG UP AND OUR LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTER GOT HER BLOOMS,AND AFTER HE SETTLED DOWN,ALL WENT WELL. AS FOR THE GROCERY, MY DH JUST CAN'T GO ANYMORE HE GETS SO NERVOUS AND HE SAYS HE JUST CAN'T DO IT ANY MORE. THE LIST IS A PROBLEM TOO,HE EITHER LOSES IT OR CAN'T READ IT. WE WENT INTO TOWN TODAY,AND HE WANTED TO DRIVE,IT IS A SMALL TOWN AND NOT FAR. EVERYTIME WE CAME TO A ROAD OR STOP,HE WOULD ASK,WHICH IS THE BEST WAY TO GO? I KNOW HE CAN'T GO TO TOWN ALONE ANYMORE. I AM TERRIBLY CONCERNED AS TO HOW FAST THIS EOAD SEEMS TO BE PROGRESSING. HE IS HAVING TROUBLE FINDING HIS CLOTHES AND GETTING DRESSED PROPERLY. THE LAST COUPLE OF MORNINGS HE COULD GET ONE BOOT LACE TIED BUT NOT THE OTHER. ISN'T THAT ODD?
I asked my DH to water the tomato plants. He said 'where are they?' Well, they were right where I plant them almost every year for decades, but he couldn't find them not 10 feet away in his own backyard. It's hard to believe he couldn't open a window, get a glass of water, whatever, hard to believe.
I asked my husband to put some clothes in our wash machine and he wanted to know which one it was. He can't tell the difference between the washer and the dryer? It must be so hard for him to be so confused sometimes. I feel so bad for him.
my dh likes to help with the laundry and load the dish washer. he says this is something he can still do, but now he has trouble using the buttons on the washer and dryer. he might set it on anything or any water level. i have gotten to where i have to really watch him,or rewash the clothes and say nothing. he will set the dryer on any setting and then hang damp clothes up all over the kitchen. he is also loading the dishwasher wrong,i just reload when he isn't looking,or if it is not to bad,i just leave it alone and let it go. our son raised a small amount of tobacco last year,my dh has worked in and raised tobacco all his life,and he forgot how to do it.he liked to go out in the evenings and chop out weeds with a hoe,but instead of taking a row at a time. he jumped all over the patch working. he would start in one place and then might go all the way to the middle or end of the patch. it was so heartbreaking to see him try so hard,at times i just don't know if i can stand the heartache i feel for him. i can't help it and i know i have to get over this,but i feel so guilty talking about him like this. do any of you feel that way?
We all feel guilt, jav. That is one of the reasons why it is so hard to go public about the disease, even in this relatively private place much less in our neighborhoods. Guilt is also one of the things that isolates us, which is one of the reasons we all have some depression. And round and round and round.
This very technical man, who made his living as an engineer for most of his life, suddenly can't do a lot of things he used to do before. This morning the clean and full lights were on the dishwasher. He never saw them when he opened the door to look inside. Then he locked the door, so the lights went out. I used to wash the dishes and he used to put them away the following morning. Now I need to remember to do that before he gets up or he will put dirty dishes in the clean dishwasher and I'll have to wash them again. I managed to miss doing that last night.
The old dishwashers used to have a lock. If the dishwasher was locked the dishes were clean. If unlocked, they were dirty. But he shuts that door hard every time he opens it up and closes it. He NEVER sees the lights, and he never learned the new dishwasher system here. ...[sigh]...
I go back and try to figure out when dementia began. It is obvious to me that there was enough of it when we moved here 4.5 years ago that he couldn't learn how the new dishwasher worked. But were there already problems before we moved or before the accident that ended with him having a pacemaker put in? I truly do not know how long this has been going on.
I had to start running the dishwasher after dinner so that I could unload it before going to bed because he would put the dirty dishes in it first thing in the morning just as your husband did, Starling! It has been about 3 months now that he doesn't do dishes at all any more. Not loading nor unloading. I can wait and run it before going to bed and unload it when I get up now. :) (He used to load the dirty dishes in with the clean and re-run it!)
When I got home yesterday, he was pulling weeds around the edge of the front yard! Even after my telling him yesterday that I had hired someone to do it on Saturday!
I'm going to a professional conference this afternoon, and my adult daughter is going to be the caregiver until I get back Sunday afternoon. I've packed a bottle of wine, a corkscrew and a plastic wine glass and the new Mary Higgins Clark book!
So you are getting a weekend off. I may need to figure out a way to do that too. My daughter and her family are here for the weekend. Yesterday was my birthday. Yesterday was also the day we discovered that there was a flood on the floor of the second bedroom so they couldn't sleep in there.
I'm not sure why we had a flood. But it may be that my husband didn't notice or didn't care that there was a leak between the hose and the hose bib. If that is true the water came in between the foundation and the siding of the house. Or it might be a crack in the foundation, but it wasn't wet 3 weeks ago when my DD's family was here last. Or it is a crack in the pipe, in which case closing it off again ought to dry everything out. My SIL bought a shop vac and we've been taking turns vacuuming out the water. It is dryer, but not dry yet.
And this morning my husband hit their car with our brand new car. There is no damage to the SUV, but our car is going to need work. I already planned on asking the doctor if my husband should be driving. I'm ready to change that to a request that he tell my husband he can't drive.
The absolutely wonderful birthday weekend my daughter planned wasn't totally ruined because all of us, except my husband, worked at it. It is very unlikely that he realized that is was my birthday before we began to sing the Happy Birthday song, and he has probably forgotten the entire thing this morning.
In Maine pullling the license was very easy. The doctor filled out a form indicating dementia. The state Department of Motor Vehicle asked my wife to take a driving test, which we elected not to (she had already stopped driving). They then requested that she send in her license. We requested a state-issued photo ID which they mailed to us using the picture from her driver's license. I was helped by the fact that she had decided on her own not to drive any more about a year previously, but the same process was carried out earlier in the disease when she took the test, written and driving, and passed.
Oh dear friends.. that driving issue popped right up again didn't it? There is another discussion about this but I can let you know that if your loved one is determined to drive, that ballgame gets tougher. We have finally received a notice of revocation from the Driver's license bureau..but my husband has the right to CONTEST this..and thats exactly what he is planning to do. He will have his day in court. We thought about sabotaging the process by sending his letter to the wrong address so that it would miss the deadline for appeal. But if a judge tells him he must not drive, we believe he will finally agree to stop. He has no regard for our efforts at reason, explaining risks, or even extreme financial loss. This entire process has been doing on nearly a year now. I believe it was last spring that he had an incident and hit a bridge..He was tested in August and passed on the third try by ONE point. So began driving again..then the medical review process began and in March the DPS asked the DR. to send information. It is now the end of April..Since the revocation letter last week, he has not driven and probably won't until after the hearing.. We are hoping he won't be driving after that either.
Oh, regarding the yard and plants and such..can't even go there.. He is a mowing demon..anything in his path is going under those blades..and I mean ANYTHING.. the mowers are broken more often than they are working. But thats ok.
Starling, Happy Birthday!!! I'm glad you had your daughter with you to celebrate! Sorry about the flood and the car!
I enjoyed my weekend away at the business conference. I got to see a lot of friends I only get to see three times a year at these conferences. I missed the last one because I didn't feel I could go that weekend. Everyone was really friendly, but only one or two asked about my husband at all. They are "there for me" but I guess that they don't know whether or not I want to discuss it, and I don't know whether they want to know! It is a kind of catch 22. Those I felt closest to I told and the others I didn't. I'm more relaxed now. I needed this weekend. However, after I got home, when I asked my husband what my name was, he said Susan. I asked him what his daughter's name was and he said Sissy (she was Susan yesterday). I guess I'll be Sissy tomorrow. :)
I'm lucky that his doctor told him he couldn't drive and I hid all car keys and that was it about his driving. I'm so sorry you all are having so much trouble getting them to quit. My prayers are with you.
About the flood.....my husband turned the lawn sprinkler the wrong way and we ended up with two inches of water in the basement. I now check the sprinkler myself to make certain it doesn't get turned that way again!
Believe it or not including the sprinkler comment. It is raining, and the rug is at most slightly damp (which it probably still was last night before the rain). What I don't have is a big puddle in the middle of the floor. I've decided that means the foundation is not cracked. Yeah!!!!!!!
I've asked my daugher to come with us to that doctor's appointment. That won't be easy for her since she is a busy woman at work and has a small child as well, but my "excuse" will be that she "has questions".
I'm going to contact the doctor's office today and ask how to get information to the doctor BEFORE the appointment. I've got notes. And also how to ask about the driving BEFORE the appointment, so he knows it is an issue. One of my friends has suggested that I lock up the car keys once the doctor makes his pronouncement that my husband can't drive. I don't have any place to do that right now, but I will come up with one. I already have a pocket key for the house with no car key attached in the key basket. My own car key is in a really strange place in my purse, and if necessary I'll come up with an even odder one.
He is going to miss being able to go to get his daily newspapers, but I'll come up with something for that as well.
I keep one set each of both car keys in a hidden pocket of my purse. For 46 years, my husband has not put a hand in my purse, so I'm hoping it is still safe! My daughter does the same with the other sets.
When I came home last night, the front door (which has a glass door in front of it) was open. I walked in, and he wasn't in the house, and I noticed that the back door was also open. I went into the back yard, and he wasn't there. I went to the outer basement door, and he said "Hi!" I said "Hi" back, and asked him what he was doing in the basement, and he said "I don't know" - so I said "Then come on into the house with me and let's have a glass of wine." He said "Okay," and followed me back into the house. After our wine, I casually asked him to please make certain that he locks the front door before going into the back yard. I don't know if it will help. I'm glad we live in a safe neighborhood, or I'd be going bananas by now - looking for someone to stay with him. I know it's coming soon, but I'm hoping to delay it until the fall.
We just bought 6 big bags of pine bark mulch for our flower gardens. I can't wait to see what the yard and gardens look like when I get home tomorrow! I hope he remembers what to do!