I read somewhere a little bit a go that 'our loved ones are changing constantly' Someone sure knows what they are talking about. My DW recently said D---- which is completely out of character for her. I didn't know she even knew the word (unless she heard me say it, accidently, sometime in the past). That, I can take as an Oh Well, BUT
Today, when we got in the car from Walmart, for the second time in two weeks, she had a small item in her hand that we had not paid for. Last week, I took it back in the store and gave it to the greeter with an explanation that my DW is an Alz patient. You should have seen the look on his face, but, he kindly thanked me and said that he would take care of it. Same thing today and same return by me. But, some way or another, this has to stop. Our store takes this very seriously and even tho I think store security would understand my explanation, I don't want to be put in the embarrassing position of having her get caught and my having to get us out of it.
This is a new wrinkle and since I can't leave her alone, I have been taking her with me. I think it is good for her to get out of the house, but, I suppose I will just have to drive her around the block and not let her go in a store.
As usual, any suggestions you have will be very much appreciated. And if you haven't had this problem, I am glad for you.
Wishing all of you a Good Day tomorrow and a Very Happy New Year.
I don't know what to say to help you. My husband went through a period of shoplifting but was not caught, thank goodness. This happened when he was still driving and going to the mall everyday to walk around. My Christmas present that year was a necklace that he insisted he had used his credit card for but the charge never showed up so I knew he took it. The other things he would take were small bags of m&ms. He would pay for his cigarettes but pocket the candy. Once I figured out what was going on I never let him go to a store alone again. While this was going on, I would check his pockets before we left the store to make sure he didn't have anything. If I was looking at some small merchandise, he would sometimes say to me "put it in your pocket".
Before FTD, he would have never done this. This was a man who when our son was about 8 and had taken some fancy tire valve caps from a neighbor's car for his bike, went with our son to return them. The neighbor didn't even know they had been taken. It made quite an impression on our son.
Would she become upset if you checked her hands or pockets?
dean--- Is she still walking, or would she ride in one of their wheelchairs with a basket? If she will that wold give you more control of what she grabs up. What I did with my Daughter years ago, was to tell her she could hold her item but not open it, and then that "we had to show everything to the "cashier"( "lady", "man") before we could take it all home. More a case of training yourself to tell her at checkout, and avoid the "returning" headache.
I've had the same experience. It's all part of the pattern of picking up whatever she sees. My wife can get very angry if I tell her that we don't need whatever the item is, so I'll put it in the basket and discretely return it to a shelf a little later. She seems to be particularly attracted to cosmetics and one evening I was struggling to get her to release a handful that she had picked up. She wouldn't let go, so I just waived at the pharmacist and we walked out the door. I returned them the next day and also paid for a bag of M&M"s and then put the bag back on the shelf. The clerk must have thought that I was nuts.
The only thing that we can do is to keep our eyes on them and check their hands before we leave the store.
I have to keep an eye on my hb in stores now, too. I've "frisked him" before we leave as inobtrusively as I can. Also, I ask if he has anything we need to pay for. I like the idea of wheelchair w/basket, but hb can walk fine now and wouldn't want to be in a wheelchair; I'll keep this in mind (I hope it stays there). Vigilance is my word now, and it makes shopping w/hb *very* stressful.
DW cannot walk very well at all, but, most of the time refuses to use the wheel chair. When she does, it gives me a lot more control, but, when she refuses is when the problem has occured. Yesterday, I was waiting for a prescription when she apparently picked up a small cosmetic item. All I have to do is turn my head.
I wonder if anyone has ever approached store mgmt or security and make them aware of the situation before it becomes a problem?
Dean, I would have to keep an eye on DH when we got near the candy in the check out line. He wouldn't hide it, but if it looked good to him, he would take it, open it and eat it. It was easier when he was in the wheelchair, but the check out line was always a problem.
When DH first started needing the wheelchair, I would ask him if he wanted me to take the chair and he would say no. Then I'd tell him I was going to take it into the store just in case I got tired and wanted to sit down. Usually by the time we'd get into the store, he would say "If you're not going to sit down, maybe I will". I took him to the store as long as I was able to get him into and out of the car. Many times when I was actually shopping, I'd joke with him that when he couldn't see over the top of everything I put in his lap we'd go home.
No shoplifting, he still knows better. But...definitely YES to wanting any candy he sees at the checkout. Sometimes I distract, sometimes I just buy the M&Ms.
well the bad news is shoplifting is a crime no matter what they pinch. and the real issue is if they are caught regardless of the price they will either be taken in and or have to appear for a court date. and either way we would need legal representation to make sure the courts know the situation to obtain the best outcome. which isnt guaranteed. judges are usually lenient when one can prove the disability like dementia but they are also bound by real law. they could get probation and thats still a very real pain in the butt to have to comply with with a demented spouse. and costly/attys/probation/court fees. i hear all the time about young teens shoplifting a 5dol item and doing probation for it. we also have to assume that the courts would know we are their caregivers and or guardians and its supposedly our responsibilities to make SURE they dont break the law and to keep them safe. that would come back on our heads. to say the least, its a real issue for us to know that just because they have this illness more than likely they would be treated just as anyone else until the information would be sorted out but even then nothing is in stone. in my opinion i would not want to have to learn from experience with this and hope we all keep a very good reign on our spouse when out in public. i know its hards but the alternatives are just as scary if something happens. if you have to take them with you i would go ahead and buy a small treat and let them hold it til checkout. it may help avoid something more complicated. its never easy.! divvi
I had this happen twice at Walmart. DW picked up some little thing that she didn't need and really didn't want. After we paid and I was putting out stuff in the car, I found the item. The funny thing was the look on the Walmart greeters face when I took it back in and told them that we hadn't paid for it. They just aren't used to people returning things that have been shoplifted.
To start with it's not shoplifting. Shoplifting is stealing and to still something you first need to understand that it is stealing. My DW does the same thing so as I am checking out I stop and ask her if there is anything she wants and I check to see if she has anything. If so I ask her if she wants it and I simply pay for it.
They are doing the same thing at the store they do at home whene they pick something up and hold it. The one thing to remember is they are innocent the same as a very small child is innocent.