In October we took a 10 day trip to the Mediterranean, 7 days of which were a cruise. When we visited my husband's doctor in December, I mentioned the trip and he was quite surprised. He has always been very encouraging regarding travel, especially cruises, but I think the destination floored him. My husband has no physical problems at this point, and is still as good a traveler as ever. He needs assistance with most everyday things, but was no more confused on the trip than he is at home. However, I did find that the trip was much more tiring for me than in the past.
nobody knows your spouse like you do marilyn. if you think he can make the trips my opinion is go for it while you still can. especially if you both enjoy traveling. our last overseas trip was several yrs ago i think DH was late stage 5- we went to paris and to ski in the french alps. it was pleasant enough and DH did well but there was always a concern of him getting lost and i did find myself overly exhausted from the extra work mentally and physically keeping up with him. i think its up to you do decide if he can be comfortable on that long a journey. cruises do seem to be the best as there is less moving about and if you decide to remain on board its good to be able to have that commodity. enjoy what you can, while you can!the day will come soon enough you see its impossible. divvi
Divi is right. Only you know your spouse and what he can handle. My philosphy has been the same for almost 40 years - go and do and see and experience what you can when you can with your spouse, because the longer you put it off, the less you'll be able to do, and finally, they won't be here for you to do it with them. I do think cruises are definitely the best idea because he can take a short shore excursion and come back to the ship to rest. Or no shore excursion, and just enjoy the scenery. There is no packing and unpacking; no trying to find restaurants. Plenty to do or not do on board. And if there is someone to leave him with, you can go on a shore excursion yourself.
If he did so well on the last trip, I would try another one. If it doesn't work out, you'll know not to do it again.
I think our Christmas trip really confused dh and he doesn't seem to be recovering fast. I'm feeling a bit guilty about carting him around the country. It was a complex trip, we stayed at three different houses and took four flights. I certainly will never do that again. But a cruise wouldn't work with him, he's always hated being confined on a boat/ship. We enjoyed the one Mediterranean cruise we went on, only because we went ashore every day, some excursions or just on our own. It was 2007; he already had symptoms of AD and we were back to the ship early most days because he was so afraid of arriving too late and finding it gone. That was OK with me, I enjoyed the shipboard activities. He was already inflexible with routines and always wanted to go to the same restaurant although we had free-style cruising. The Dutch Alz Ass offers vacations for patient & caregiver and I think I'm going to look into them this year. When I saw the brochure last year I thought it would be a long time before we'd be ready for that.
Hi Jeanette, where could I find some information about vacations for patients and caregivers. ?
I traveled last year with my husband to England and Scotland. I had broken my wrist and was in a removable cast, but we had already booked our trip. My husband did enjoy things, however was less able to deal with the stress of using public transportation. He often got anxious about when the bus would come, etc. I didn't want to drive. We also didn't do as much as we used to do. So in London, we usually just stayed home in the evening and I watched TV, or we took a walk. He did enjoy eating, going to some musical concerts, going to some museums. He used to love museums and I got more tired then he. This time we didn't spend that much time in a museum. Although it sometimes seemed too long for him. All in all, there was still lots of enjoyment, however, more taxing on me. I think less crowded areas would be better and during the time we traveled, it was very crowded everywhere. Maybe would be nice to rent a house somewhere. However, how does one deal with the air travel, when a person can't use the restroom an hour before landing and not understanding why.
If there are places for Alzheimer Spouses and caregivers that would really be great. I tried to google Dutch Alz. association vacations, couldn't find anything.
Everything depends upon your husband's functioning ability. If he is still able to enjoy and understand the sites and scenery, my recommendation would be a cruise. Main reason - no changing of hotels or getting on buses to go to different cities, etc.
You would still have to deal with the plane trip - check out tips for travel at this link - http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/travelwithadspouse.htm - but once you are on the ship, you are unpacked and settled. Then you could choose shore excursions that are suitable for him. For example, when our ship docked in Key West, I would have loved to take a walking tour, but Sid cannot walk more than a few blocks because of his diabetic neuropathy, so we took a lovely bus tour. The tour books given out by the cruise lines list tours according to not only length of time, but how strenuous it is, how much walking is needed, whether there are steep hills, whether the places are wheelchair accessible and so forth.
This website works with Caregiver Cruises - www.caregivercruises.com - which currently does not provide Adult Day care on board, but Patrick, the travel agency owner (who is also a geriatric social worker), is hoping to work with the cruise lines to offer that service. You can call Patrick for advice. Tell him you found out about him through me, and he will be glad to talk to you. - 919-402-8900
I have never been on Holland America, but I do know they cater to older cruisers, so you could also check with them.
Another word about land tours: My friend and her husband, who had no health problems 2 years ago, and were 59 years old at the time, took a trip to China. Never mind on and off busses - they were on and off planes every couple of days - up early in the morning - on busses for all day tours. 10 days - she said it was the trip of a lifetime and was glad she did it, but would never, ever do anything like that again. It took her weeks to recuperate from it. This summer they are flying to London, getting a on a ship, and cruising to Russia and those countries around there. Besides, her husband has had bypass surgery since the China trip, so he's not up to running all over the place on and off planes and busses.
One of the things I found interesting on our journey was how some things that bothered him a lot pre-AD didn't bother him at all any more and other things that never bothered him pre-AD bothered him a lot after. It took me a long time to realize that just because he "used to be" a certain way did not mean that it was still true.
The comments above about traveling and knowing your spouse is very true. A lot of potential problems can be avoided just by understanding how they react now.
Monika, I'm glad Joan was able to give you some advice because the organization I mentioned is only operative here in Holland. It's sponsored by the Dutch Alz Association.
I got the brochure yesterday and sent in the application for a week's vacation in June. It's just basically a week's stay at a hotel in a nice area, but with a daily program of activities. There was not too much information about the program and it all sounded pretty tame (and not cheap), but maybe that's what will work for us right now. There are some that looked more interesting (a bus trip to through the wine valleys in Germany) but since we have to drive somewhere to start out and driving is a problem for us (I hate to drive and especially with DH beside me protesting all the way) I found one that is just a 45 minute drive away.
After being separated from my spouse on a cruise last winter and wondering how to find him, I decided not more cruises. As he progresses it is harder to take him anywhere. When we fly, I always get early boarding and even with that it is hard to remember every little thing. I know a European trip is out for us. We will visit our daughter in TX and maybe family in PA this spring if he is up to it.
I find it interesting to read about stage 5/6 and a lot of traveling. My DH is still in early stage (? no one really knows, since he is so functioning), but the one thing he cannot/will not do, is travel - anywhere, except around town or 50 miles away to the wine shop and back home. He does extremely well at home - but as soon as we travel - he declines very rapidly. I don't think the stress on me is worth it - so we just don't do it.
I do feel that if your LO can do it - do it now! You just never know.
We are just back from a 9-day trip. Mostly a visit to our son in Allentown, but we also spent two days with my brother and SIL in Philadelphia. It went pretty well. (Well, driving us home from the airport with three kids in the van DIL had to pull onto the shoulder of I 78 to let him pee while traffic (fortunately no patrol cars) whizzed by. She had just passed a rest stop and asked him if he had to go. But the answer was no. I enjoyed the visit; nice outings to the Morris Arborteum, the John Heinz wildlife reserve and the Wharton Esherton (SP?) studio. DH did not cause many problems but hardly seemed to react to anyone or anything, and is now, of course, tired and confused (worst episode was a bike escape that I posted under "Fast declines"). My DIL and son are encouraging me to look into respite care for him at Christmas (after I mentioned the possibility). And I have promised to look into it.
One incident: at the airport in Newark he said the men's restroom wasn't any good (no idea why) and I could not find any family or wheelchair restrooms near the gate so I invaded a Delta VIP lounge, explained that I needed a restroom that we could go into together and was kindly escorted to one (although we are not eligible to use the lounge). He refused to take off his shoes for security control until I asked a pretty young female agent to come and explain it to him. He said "So I really have to take them off?" and she said yes and so he did. On the plane he would use the restroom but would not lock it so I would stand there guarding it while he was in (and check for flushing when he came out). I also flashed my "My husband has Alzheimer's card" when it was time for early boarding and it worked like a charm.
Last June, when my DH was definitely past the 5/6 level, we went on a cruise to Alaska. A cruise to Alaska was on his "bucket list" and I was doing my best to fulfill as many of his bucket list wishes (as an aside, when discussing his "bucket list" I just asked my DH what he would like to do if he could do anything he wanted to do - I didn't ask him what's on his bucket list). Any way ... I am glad I took the trip and brought my son and his wife along. I did learn a few things that may be useful for others:
1. Most cruise lines do provide information regarding the difficulty of the excursions and the duration, both of which can be helpful for planning. 2. Pick a cruise with stops broken up with "at sea" days between most of the destinations - the day between can be used to prepare for and recover from excursions (usually a rest day all day). 3. Plan to be extra tired. For me, it was much more difficult to sleep because my DH was moaning and groaning and weeping in his sleep. I had not slept in the same room with my DH for almost 2 years (I couldn't sleep with him and work - he had a movement disorder related to his particular form of dementia that made it impossible to sleep in the same bed). I thought I could sleep in the same room with the beds separated so I couldn't feel is movement. However, his movement wasn't the problem. I basically didn't sleep for a week because it broke my heart to hear him so sad and not to be able to do anything about it (comforting him in his sleep only worked for brief periods). You may not have this problem, but even without it, the experience was tiring because I was always thinking about him and watching him and trying to make sure he was safe. 4. Even if you bring someone to help, don't expect them to be very helpful with most issues unless they are either trained in the medical field in some way or are natural caregivers. My son and his wife helped, but they really didn't understand. Also, they tended to go off on their own. I finally had to tell them what I needed them to do - I told them I HAD to get some sleep and they HAD to take my DH for several hours or I would keel over. That got their attention. I was mad for a while and then I realized that they really really did not understand. My DH looked like he was ok - he was very very good at pretending to be ok. So ... they just didn't "get it" - even though they knew I was bringing them to help me. Go figure. 5. Enjoy watching your loved on play. Like with our kids, let your loved one play - do the things they enjoy. Take the time to enjoy THEIR ENJOYMENT of the experience. If they don't enjoy traveling, then don't bother traveling because neither of you will enjoy the experience and you will only end up tired and frustrated. 6. Don't expect to enjoy the trip for yourself. My DH and I loved traveling and enjoyed cruising. Our last cruise was in 2003. Although he was already having problems (we didn't know it was dementia related), we had a very good time ... many 1-sided discussions, but that was ok. Last June was vastly different. I didn't really enjoy any of the cruise other than the time I spent on the balcony watching the water, mountains, sea life, sunsets, and the stars. I had a few moments of joy watching my DH, but a lot of sorrow because I could see in full, 3D living color the sharp contrast in my DH between the 2003 cruise and the 2009 cruise. 7. Take the trip sooner rather than later - the earlier in the process you take your loved one, the more he/she will enjoy it and the more you will enjoy it.
Finally, trust yourself and your own judgment. Even though it was exhausting at every level of my being, I am SO very very glad that I took the trip. I can still remember the childlike thrill my DH had with taking a drink of the water flowing off of the glacier (the tour guides told everyone they could drink the water and my DH did - twice!) and the joy he had "co-piloting" the float plane (my extravagant excursion for him). He enjoyed the trip much like any child would enjoy going to Disney Land or Disney World.
My DH not only enjoyed the trip itself, but he enjoyed talking about going on the trip before we went and he enjoyed talking about the trip after we got back. I suppose the biggest gift I gave him in the Alaskan experience was the feeling of being "normal" that he got from the whole experience. He wasn't dying, he was going on a trip to Alaska. And that idea, that image, brought him comfort and, indirectly, comforted me at a time when the disease was flying out of control, escalating at an exponential rate, and scaring me senseless. Hey ... we were going to Alaska!
Maybe traveling is not your cup of tea, but as you can see from the above, it was worth every penny and all of the pain that came with the trip.
Sharon*, thank you so much for sharing about your experience of taking a cruise. My DH is quite indecisive when it comes to vacation plans so last year I basically planned a getaway. Your #6 point basically summed up last summer's holiday. I did enjoy the moments of sitting by a lake and taking in the scenery but there were many moments when my heart was breaking to see the contrast between what was "now" and what had been "then" when we'd done a similar trip a few years earlier. Hubby was not happy much of the time, I think because he hadn't made the plans. He wanted to go somewhere else and I was hesitant to travel that far when he finds shorter trips challenging. So by the end of last year's holiday, I thought a cruise might be a good plan for this year. Little driving involved . . . we could get to departure port easily . . . then no driving . . . a good bed to sleep in (and nap in for him during the day) . . . choices of activities . . . no worries about meals (he has special diet which is hard to do when not at home) . . . lovely scenery. I have mentioned the idea several times but he doesn't want to do it. I've asked what he wants to do. Doesn't know. He's mentioned a few ideas but then decides against them. Our adult children have been encouraging him to do the cruise. No way. I am starting to think he really is happiest at home where he has his own bed and familiar surroundings. Yet he still wants to go away . . . just doesn't know what or where or when. I'm thinking this may be the year when we do very little in the way of going away and maybe then he will be more open to me making the plans? Just not sure. But your posting definitely provides me with some good points to mull over. #7 take the trip sooner rather than later . . . I'd like to but is the sooner gone for him already?
Sharan, you are right. My hb loves to travel - always has. He loves to drive so I let him do most of the driving. He still drives with no problems except he is not directionally challenge. I have always been the map reader and direction giver when we travel so it really is no different. We both would love the Alaska cruise - have talked about doing it this summer.
But after talking with his brother today, he is expected to be at their dad's funeral. I am sorry for those who like them, but I hate wakes. When my MIL died in 2001 it was my first experience being in the 'line up'. It was in the 90s, humid and miserable (the funeral home did not have a/c which I thought strange). I hated standing in that line for 4 hours, smiling at people I didn't know (people she had worked with), people whom she had not seen since retiring.
I think if I gave Art a choice between the funeral or a cruise he would choose the cruise. But, he is taking money out of their dad's 401K to send as' gifts' to help pay to go back there (for us anyway since him and his sister live there).
I wonder if going to the funeral would be harder for Art. I don't know exactly where he is right now or what he would want, but funerals are ALWAYS stressful and can be particularly difficult for someone with dementia. The funeral might also be very difficult for you. The #1 priority is for you and Art to be taken care of. I don't know if going would help Art feel more useful or if it would expose him (and you) to what you have lost. On the other hand, would Art feel bad if he didn't go? Maybe there's a way for him not to go without it being (for him at least) due to his dementia.
If Art loves to travel, then he will love Alaska. The cruise is very smooth. I don't recommend Norwegian Cruise line, though. We went on Norwegian and I thought the "freestyle" dining would make it easier, but it actually made it harder. Also, the quality of the food in the "included" restaurants was substantially lower than Royal Caribbean and Celebrity.
We went on a Norwegian Liner cruise in the Mediterranean when DH was still in early stage and loved it. i can see that constantly having to choose when and where to eat would make it much harder in the stage he is in now (5). We thought the food was great. He mostly wanted to eat in the cafeteria or whatever you call the place that was always open, with self-service and (we thought) a magnificent selection. However that was the only cruise we've ever been on, so we can't compare.
He did not like the at-sea days, which we fortunately only had one of. Probably a question of personal preference. I loved the at-sea day (and all of it).
Sharan--you've given a good summary of the pros and cons of traveling with someone with dementia. I had planned to do a cruise with my DH this summer and take my SIL along for help with him. However, I changed my mind and she came in from out of town to stay with him for 2 nights while I went away. That gave me a clear picture of exactly what you described--her intentions were good, but she has a lot of learning to do about caregiving. The main thing she didn't realize was that she needed to put all her activities aside and focus 100 percent on my husband. She tried to get a manicure, pedicure and work on her laptop while watching him, and all 3 issues were problematic. So I'm glad I didn't do the cruise because I agree with you, it would have been exhausting.
I completely agree with you on giving them the feeling of being normal. However, I've found that it's not necessary to travel to do that. When we go out with our friends, or even simple things like food shopping or errands, I think my husband still feels he has a "normal" life. Once a year, a friend takes him to a golf tournament, and the other guys tell me that Steve is having a ball all day while he is there. In my mind, they are giving him a day of his old, "normal" life back.
We took a cruise last month from here in Florida to Los Angeles and it worked out pretty well. Did only a couple of short shore excursions and that was all he would have been able to manage. In Panama City he wanted to go inside a large bldg. and ask if that was where the exams were being given. Huh? He was quite agitated and thought he had to take the exam to become certified as an optometrist, a profession from which he retired 29 yrs. ago. Aside from that, the main problem was that the Princess ship we were on was configured slightly different from all the others we'd been on and he didn't think he could find the cabin by himself. That resulted in 24/7 togetherness. And he took lots of naps, so I spent lots of time on the balcony reading or else just giving up and napping too. We had used FF miles to fly home first class, but, as usual, the airports themselves were the problem. Since he's been on Seroquel there aren't any meltdowns, but the constant worry as to what city we're in, what gate, etc. are still a problem. At the change in Dallas he actually went up to strangers and asked when the bus was coming to take us into the city. And then went up to the desk and asked all sorts of strange questions of the guy there. I just couldn't keep him from doing that. In the past, when he had a question, he'd approach some guy pushing a broom who didn't speak English, and come back with some crazy idea like finding the right terminal. I thought long and hard before reserving back-to-back cruises that would cover the fjords in Norway and also the Edinburgh tatoo. Yesterday I cancelled the trip before final payment was due and got the deposit back. Hope to come up with a sound medical reason for cancelling the very expensive flight to London and back. I have insurance on it, but the fine print is pretty discouraging. It was a non-stop to London and could have worked. Airports are bad enough for DH without extra problems. I guess I was just so exhausted after the last trip that I decided that any glitch, like volcano dust, would finish me off. People have no idea what the minute-to-minute things can do to your energy.
PrisR - try getting the doctor to write a letter that he can no longer safely travel. They should take that - it is a valid medical reason. Good luck on it. The price we pay for cheaper tickets is that it is hard for everyone to get refunds when something comes up (if even possible).
I've taken several cruises with DH, the last one in Oct 2009. I had planned one to Egypt about 2 yrs ago, and then cancelled when he seemed to be going downhill. I'm still sorry i cancelled. he had always wanted to go to Egypt. Now, though, i wouldn't go alone, I would go with friends, or my children, but alone is just too much anxiety. But if he is still able to enjoy it, I recommend it. Traveling was always one of our greatest joys.
Sharan - I was thinking about what you said regarding not going. I see two big differences between his sister and him (they both have AD and but she is further ahead). He knows what he has, does not deny and knows what his future is. I am glad he does not know the possibility of anger, violence, etc. He knows his dad was a 'runner' and after going into the VA unit became incontinent. His sister knows she has AD but does not seem to realize what it actually is. When their dad took a turn in March she talked as if he had the flu or something. She said he still knew her and others, etc. Reality is he has not known anyone for at least 10 years. We always teased her of being a 'ditzy blond' and that is how she still acts. I don't know which is better: living with reality or oblivious to the future? I guess her way is easier on her. I don't know how the reality of when he dies will affect her, but I know it is affecting Art.
I wish I could not go but his brother is sending money from their dad's account as a 'gift' so we can afford it. His brother doesn't seem to realize the effect it may have on my hb by going. there is that staunch New England tradition of wake where all the surviving immediate family is suppose to be there in the line. My family is so far from that tradition and happy of it.
I have been thinking about what others posted regarding funerals being traumatic. I know when his dad dies that it will be for Art. I also know I would rather spend money on something we want to do instead of 'family obligations'. We were back there in 2006 and at the time we decided it would be our last trip - we would not go back for the funeral. When I think, even if we fly, how exhausting the wake and funeral will be on him and me (add worrying about him to everything else), I do not want to go. I asked Art how he would feel if we didn't go back for the funeral and he said he wouldn't go back again. He thought I was referring to going back now and if he dies after we leave then we wouldn't go back. I said, no we won't go at all. I explained why and he remembered back to the day we drove to the coast and back. It was a 10 hour trip with the stops and eating, enjoyable and relaxing but he was exhausted. Until his mom died in 2001 we went back to Mass. about every 18-24 months. His parents came out here a few times, but his sister nor brother ever visited us. His brother has gone on many vacation trips in this country and Europe, but never in 39 years has he ever visited us. When we were there for the summer of 2006 he came to the campsite we were working at twice - for an hour or so. We really have nothing in common so it was just as well..
If we don't go back, I know there will be much said by his aunts, his brother, his sister's girls probably, but no one will care. His aunts and brother are so into the 'proper protocol' or whatever you want to call it. But I am not and never have been. So, as of right now, unless there is pressure from back east, I will be over protective of my husband and not go back even for the funeral. I told Art 'I want this disease to go fast, but I do not want to do things to push it. I want him to be functional one day and gone the next - none of this long, drawn out illness - which I know won't happen'.
thanks for letting me think thru here. I think during the day and at night about this. The input I get here helps me to decide. I know I am being overprotective but I still want to enjoy some life with him. We both would rather take the 'gift' from his dad that he is going to send to cover the cost of going back for something we want to do. Besides, why should be have to use it for going back there when his brother and sister will get to do what they want with theirs since they live there?
I don't believe you are being overprotective at all. I support you 1000% (not a typo)! If I were you, I would stick to the previous decision, not go to the funeral, tell the "family" that you and Art cannot go for health reasons (they don't have a right to the details, nor do they have the right to second guess your decision), and if you get the "gift" take it and do something fun with Art or bank it for additional security.
Our last trip was a cruise to Alaska with the grown grandchildren five years ago. We all kept track of him and he was great. Before that we took trips to the Netherlands and Switzerland. I found a company who rents apartments and includes a train pass. This was in 2002 and 2003 when he was about stage 5. We stayed out of the big cities and had a great time. Coming back to the same place every night helped a lot. Ralph passed away April 25th and these memories are so dear to me. He was happiest when he was traveling and kept asking where our next trip was going to be.
Got a call from my SIL today. She wanted to know where we were. (remember she is a head of my hb in progression I think). She remembered we were driving back and going to stay with her. I told here we were still in Vancouver and our travel plans were on old. She was so disappointed we were not on our way I didn't have the heart to tell her we are not coming back at all. Even though there is some guilt feelings I still do not want to go back there. I just have to stick to my guns and think of what WE can do with the money - things we want to do.
You think I would learn!!! We talked yesterday, talked all morning. When I said this morning we could go but only attend the funeral he said he wanted to go then. Spent 2 hours looking for the right combo before booking and making sure he really wanted to go. all the time he was remembering. Once I booked, he called his brother and sister to tell them he was coming. This evening when I was getting stressed, mostly due to his confusion, he said 'we won't go then.' I told him 'we are only going because you said over and over you wanted to go". He claimed he never said that. I said 'yes you did and we are going whether you like it or not', then left for the store. When I got back I could see how much he has lost. He was packing his clothes and when I got back he hadn't gotten much further but said everything was packed - not. He had one pair of pants and shirt for the funeral, other than socks and underwear nothing else. He wanted to take his black suit but I stopped that since he has not fit into it for years. Since it is cold here, he wanted to take only cold weather clothes even though I told him it is in the 70s and 80s in NH. So, I made a list for him which was getting him very confused. I told him that was enough for tonight, to go to bed and get a good night sleep and we will finish in the morning.
This is so opposite the man he use to be. Packing to go somewhere was never a problem. I am hoping he is just stressed and tired and in the morning he will be better. He didn't sleep good last night according to me. I had not gotten his supplements put out for a couple days. I have found that the magnesium does make a difference.He was really jerking around last night. Before I went to sleep his chest and arms went flaying around and couple times his feet, together, would pound the mattress. He turned onto his side toward me so I put my back to him in case it kept up. Good thing because before I got to sleep his hand hit my head and I was woke up when his feet hit my calves. they stopped last time with the magnesium so am hoping it helps this time.
We are taking the red eye out tomorrow (Thursday night). I know - a red eye with an AD patient?? It was the times that worked best for getting to the airport here. Otherwise we would have to be there by 4am. We will arrive at 11am in Manchester, NH. By booking the flight, hotel and rental car together it was only a few dollars more than flying into Boston and I would much rather Manchester - do not want to drive in Boston. We will come back the 10th - a day flight. Even though we will be there in time for the wake Friday night I do not plan to go. I think we both will be too tired. We have a 3 hours layover in Chicago - one of my least favorite airports.
Hopefully I will survive to learn again!!! I do plan on relaxing the few days we have after the funeral on Saturday. Visit his sister some but with all the stress here with my sister added to hb, we need it. Oh, I did entice him with a Alaska cruise but he choose back east. :-(
I have finally learned that if we are going somewhere - a trip or a Drs. appointment - that I can't tell my DH beforehand. He will be up at 2AM dressed and hounding me to leave. He gets so worried that we will be late that we show up at appointments 3 hours early! Will threaten to drive himself if I don't get in the car and take him (he hasn't had a driver's license in 2 years). He loves to travel and I was thinking of driving him to visit our son in California (we live in PA). We've done the trip several times before but he was driving then. My problem is trying to prepare for the trip without him finding out. Packing suitcases without him knowing will be the trickiest. I always find the day before the trip is the most stressful for me...esp. when we are flying because he will stick things in carryons on that won't pass inspection and take stuff out of the suitcase that needs to go. Flying is a problem as well as I have had a knee replaced and set off the scanners. From there he is on his own and that scares me to death.
Charlotte, if you are stressed, upset or angry, he will be. It is essential, especially for travel, that you remain calm and it will help him to do so. I would also handle all of the packing, to make certain what he needs gets packed. You should take charge but make him THINK he is helping...and if you have a card that says he has AD, please take it with you as well.
Travel is stressful enough on them, and I can tell you from my experience, that being calm is not a guarantee, but it helps soothe them. I hope you have his medicine list with the names and amounts needed, so if an emergency trip to an ER is necessary, they will know what he has to take. They will not use your medicine.
Charlotte, I hope the trip goes well. I agree with you about O'Hare. I live in central Illinois, but always try to find a way to fly without going through Chicago.
Airports are still very stressful for DH and I don't think I can go through it again. Just cancelled a cruise in Norway because of how it went last month on a one-way flight from LA to Florida. It was the first time since he began Seroquel a year ago and I thought that would take care of the problems. It didn't. The agitation, delusions and rudeness surfaced right away and he didn't even know where we were.
Charlotte, agree with you too on O'Hare. I always try to fly out of Midway Airport. Much smaller airport and only 15 minutes from my home. Have a safe trip.
Phil4, we went through that stage. But things do change. I still can't tell him ahead of time because the moment he hears we have to go somewhere (even if I say "next week") he's standing beside me with his jacket on. But he no longer wakes up in the night or even early. NOW I have to set the alarm far ahead of time because he doesn't want to get up in the morning. It takes him so long to get going. I'm learning not to make morning appointments and to let him sleep and just enjoy the extra time alone. I've even started doing Pilates again in the morning. (Well, a little.) Fortunately the day-care van doesn't come till 9:30; on those days I have to get him up by 8:15 at the latest. Last trip we went on I started packing the suitcases a couple days ahead of time as usual, but it made him so nervous that he stayed up all night, refused to come to bed. I think he was afraid I was going to leave without him. So I hid the cases, finished packing while he was gone to day care and kept them out of sight (fortunately I have a big walk-in closet) till just before the taxi arrived.
I have our seat assignments and will try to change the seats from Chicago to Manchester - they have us two rows apart. I would think trading with the aisle one would not be hard as it would be an aisle seat for aisle seat. By then he will be tired from a night of no or little sleep and that is when the confusion sets in. He has been pretty good today but I had to assure him a few times he had what he needed. When I did the laundry, with the suitcase full of his closes (I hadn't packed mine yet) he started to put the clean clothes in the suitcase. As most know, it is so hard to see these losses. But this is good in that it lets me see him out of his comfort zone and how much he has lost. We are mostly packed, just last minute things we need after taking showers.I am trying to get him to take a nap but with little success. We have just one suitcase to check, a carry on plus the CPAP and computer.
I am so happy there is a Chili's restaurant just up the road from the hotel. We love them but they closed everyone in or near Portland/Vancouver area. I thought it ironic as they closed them here they were building them like crazy in New England, Florida and Nevada.
So far my old computer is working so I will take it. If it 'craps out' on me, then so be it. I can survive a few days without it. The other thing I am not looking forward to is the time change. I usually am awake until 1 or 2am which will be 4 or 5 am there - not good!!
My son asked why we didn't do a different flight - because the other option on the deal was 6am flight which would mean a short night of sleep too. All flights to Manchester go thru Chicago. Coming home we go to Chicago, Seattle, then Portland.
In the post above I mentioned the "taxi." This is a service that I've been indulging in the last year or so to make travelling easier and less stressful. It is a sort of personalized shuttle based at the Amsterdam airport; you sign in on internet and they call you the night before to say what time you'll be picked up. Usually it is a van and there are other passengers, not always -- the luck of the draw. On the return trip you make your way to their office in a corner of the airport and are driven home; sometimes you have to wait 15 minutes or so for other passengers. We used to go by metro and train but I don't think that would be doable now, and I am so glad I don't have to drive and park.
I haven't found such a service for the US airports that we use (Detroit and Newark), but my mother has a neighbor who makes a business out of carting people to and from Detroit or Cleveland, and I have used him a lot. He's also a very entertaining guy and by the time he gets us to Mom's house I am all caught up on the local gossip. I guess the reason I'm talking a blue streak on here tonight is that nobody else seems to be posting.
I doubt Chili's will be open going since we arrive at 4:54am and leave at 7:49 am. Coming home will be 1:30 pm so will keep that in mind.
Jeanette - the only service I know of that will pick you up at your home is a taxi which will run around $35 or more. Majority pick up at motels/hotels.