Carol has finally started her physical decline in the last few months. Leaning to the Left. Walking very difficult and very bad balance. Has fallen or slipped out of chair or off bed several times. One in Kitchen off of stool caused a bad bruise on her hip. Eating has suddenly gone bad, with me feeding her quite often. BM's are still on purpose but she has real trouble wiping and I have to help every time. She sleeps good and is beginning to nap 3-4 times a day. Total help required with dressing and undressing. Baths are now sponge. Pills very difficult and probably need to start grinding and mixing w/ something.
We had been planning to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversity on or around 1/15 but I am beginning to quistion if it is not just for me cause she won't understand a thing and will remember no one. Should I parade my helpless wife in front of all these old friends? I was going to have Alz Assoc put up a little table for literaturee and opportunity to donate to Carol's Tribute place on Alz page. Is this celebration of benefit to anyone?
My health is not good. I have severe degenerative damage to my lower lumbars. Both shoulders are blown out rotator cuff. My left knee is in bad shape and I have not excercised near enugh to care for Carol as it is now developing. I will keep you posted but any suggestions would be appreciated. Love bill
Have you been in contact with your local Area Agency on Ageing, and/or Hospice. Either, or both may be able direct you further on services to help. You may need to go the Alz Facility route, ut if there are services available that can facilitate Carol staying home you need to find out., Keep in mind that Hospoice can take care of Alz patients longer than the 6 month mortality window, as long as the decline continues. You really need to look into your options.
I just placed my husband December 21. I had originally planned January 9th but it was sooner. I didn't realize just how much help he needed until I just broke down. If her safety and/or your safety are an issue, it is probably time to place her. You would still be taking care of her but not in the same way.
I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary alone on December 10th. Celebrations with large amounts of people can cause your loved one to get too ancious. I wouldn't worry about 'paradeing' her in front of friends. If they are friends, they will cherish their time with her. You may want to consider a smaller group of people for a shorter time. Congratulations on your 50th. I can imagine how difficult it may be for you. Hugs going your way (((((Bill))))).
Bill, IMO unless you want to risk both of you falling and being injured, or worse - preceding her in death, I would seriously and quickly look into either home help or placement. Placing her is not a sign of failure of any kind on your part, but a sign of doing what is best for the both of you. If you place her, you can rest at night and spend more quality time with her during the day. The nurses can do the dirty work and heavy lifting while you 'enjoy' what time you have left with Carol.
As for your anniversary, personally I would forgo any 'formal' celebration. When my in-laws had their 50th they made a big deal of it as was expected in New England. It was mostly just family (lots of family), my FIL was not near as far along as Carol, but it was overwhelming for him. I would suggest maybe share pictures with Carol if possible and maybe a couple close friends/family coming for short visits during the day or over a couple days time. You can always post some pictures of over the years on your blog and ask for people to leave messages for the two of you if they wish vs the in person. Carol won't remember, but you will have the memories cause you can save to disk or print out comments.
I would also cancel any "formal" celebration if your wife is not comfortable being around many people and the noise they make. You will have to make your "call" on "can both she and I handle the extra stress of this event?" My cousin's mother is 96 and in a Nursing Home for several years. I imagine you would call hers age related dementia. The daughter arranges a small family celebration in the NH each year with just immediate family and both seem to enjoy the event. In the situation I have been in, it would have been too much stress for both of us.
We are pretty sure we will call off the 50th party and just send out an announcement by email and prepare a new post on Carol's Blog with a lot of our early marriage days. We are also talking to our favorite Alzheimer's Unit, "The Courtyard @ Christian Care Center". Carol's dad was there for a little over a year and we did like them very much. LTC will not pay for the first three months, so we have to get all the paper work together. I have gone back and re-read a lot of yours postings on our past threads. It is a very hard time but I have been thinking about it a lot for the last year. She is now a sollid #7 and really progressing rapidly for the moment. I am scared, worried, and generally distraught. bill
bill, I am so sorry you have to go through this but I am sure you will do what is best for your DW and for you. If you are unable to do the things you used to do then it is time for someone else to take over and you can be the caregiver who makes sure she is comfortable and as happy as anyone can be with dementia. Take care, and God Bless.
Bill there aren't enough words adequate to express how much this family cares about you and each other. Please, when things get tough, get on line and talk to us. We are all in this together and are always here for you. Just breathe, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Starling made a great suggestion regarding hospice. They can be a tremendous help to you and your wife. Please call them. You deserve the compassion, knowledge, support and care that they will provide. You continue to be in my prayers, Arms around, Susan