Does anyone else have this problem? Whenever we go out, whenever we go, DH has to immediately go to the restroom. It may be at church, the movies, a concert, a restaurant, an airport. We have to find the restroom. The last time we went to the movies he had to go twice during the movie. Luckily, we were with my daughter and her family. My son in law took him once and grandson another time. He would not be able to find his way back if he went by himself. I have pretty much stopped taking him to the movies or to see a concert because I would be missing part of the entertainment if I had to take him. He even has to go at the grocery store or Costco. He is not incontinent. He has no problems with frequent bathroom visits at home. He gets up only once at night.
Does your husband actually have to relieve himself? My husband always has to visit the bathroom of everywhere we go at least once. I know that he doesn't always have to go, but it seems like he needs to SEE the bathroom. He has even gone into the restroom and come out almost immediately so say he changed his mind and didn't have to go.
So far, if we go to the movies, I've been able to get him to go before the movie starts and if he asks during the movie, he will "usually" listen to me when I say you just went, wait until the movie is over. I don't know if that would work with your DH
We have the same issue and I do believe he is afraid of having an accident. My husband seems lost when he gets in there so if no one else is there I usually quickly go in and direct him to a cubicle. Recently the same thing- no one there so I went in. As I was coming out a man about half my age said "you're in the wrong washroom, luv". I thought that was cute- told him my husband has problems and he replied "it's OK." If there is a washroom for the disabled we both go in together.
we still want to have a bit of continuance and normalcy in our lives while caring for AD spouses. sometimes its just necessary to accept the inconveniences that accompany those choices. we have to be prepared that taking them to the movies, concert or in public will pose obstacles for them as well as ourselves. i've had DH want to go as soon as he gets in the back seat of the auto. no reasons behind it other than maybe he gets nervous being in the car. having to 'go' to the bathroom may be an out to escaping what may be disturbing to them and unaware to us. noise, lights loud sounds are particularly disturbing to them sometimes. i am sure we all want them to continue their enjoyment in social activities as long as possible- so making considerations and adjustments along the way to accomodate their needs will ease the stress on both them and us. divvi
My DH is the same way. If we're home,I will listen and he actually does go. Maybe they think they better go "just in case". Some times it's annoying but hey, it's better that if they wet their pants.
This is interesting! My hubby does this all the time when we are out. I've been thinking it's more frequent than with a young child. We recently went out for lunch with another couple----dh used washroom at home before we left . . . went to pick up other couple and used their washroom . . . then upon arrival at restaurant . . . again while waiting for our orders to arrive and once more before leaving . . . and as soon as we got home. That was 6 times in less than 4 hours. If we are out shopping he'll suddenly announce he needs to get to a washroom and vanish. He can still find me easily but sometimes takes ages while I have to wait (so he can find me). At church, he rarely tells me where he's going . . . suddenly he's gone and I just assume that he's in the washroom. Although sometimes after the service, he just heads straight out the doors . . . I think he finds the noise of everyone talking too much . . . I've tried to ask him to tell me where he's going so I know where he is or when he wants to go but that involves remembering and doesn't usually happen. So if someone starts talking to me, I tend to be listening with one ear and trying to keep tabs on dh. Back to bathroom visits, he goes fairly often at home too. Doctor has checked for related medical issues but no problems there. Maybe it is as Divvi suggests-----an escape from too much change when out . . . and maybe at home, not fully registering the need to go until it is last minute pressure??
Thanks to all for your comments. It makes me feel better. I know where all the restrooms are in places we frequent and usually will keep an eye out for him to be sure he finds me. I have lost him twice in large theaters where there are multiple men's rooms. I have even had to ask a man coming out to go and look for him.
maryd, thanks for bringing this up. My DH has to go all the time. I make sure he goes before we go out and have learned just about where every bathroom is wherever we go. I am disabled so going to a movie and having to follow him to a bathroom is difficult and a major event, particularly since he walks faster than I do. I know he cannot find his way back to me. I took him to a urologist who examined him and said there's nothing wrong with him physically. What he did recommend was limiting soda and coffee, substituting water whenever possible because soda and coffee can cause urgency and frequent urination. He also said the meds he's on (seroquel) and the dementia are contributing factors to the need for frequent urination.
I too find restrooms where ever we go. I believe that my DH wants to be "better safe than sorry" as the message to go does not always get through to the brain in a timely fashion. I think that this is just part of the disease. I also carry a picture of my DH in my pocket book so that I can ask a kind looking gentleman to check the bathroom if my DH seems to 'get lost' in there. It a good safety measure.
What a good idea, about the photo. I never thought of that. And I have asked people to see if he's in there, The other thing I'll do is stand at the door and call in . I'm always afraid I might have missed him as he came out, or something. Nowadays, we go out so rarely, it's not really an issue but it certainly was for awhile.
i have always carried current pics of my DH. 2 at least in my purse. once when he got lost in a local dept store i whipped out the pic for security staff and another for salesgirls to see - they located him before he was able to leave the store thank goodness. i always think having a photo for police would be good to have at all times. (*just in case)
Having a photocopy of my husband's drivers' license and car registration-with plate# was a tremendous help to the police when my husband went missing. We were also able to locate him with the help of the credit card company who gave us charges as they occured.
As soon as DH needed to stop driving, I began carrying his license in MY wallet. That way I had ready identification in case something happened. Luckilly it never did.
I also carried his license and now he has a new state ID with photo, which I carry, so he won't lose it. Glad that you all mentioned showing the picture to security if he gets lost--I may not have remembered that I have it. Hopefully it won't happen, but you never know.
Before I take my dw anywhere, I have learned to snap a picture of her with my phone camera....She disappeared once at WalMart, and I realized that I could not describe what she was wearing. I now pretend to make a call, and take her picture before we leave...that way, if she disappears, I have a recent photo and great description.
Good suggestions. I do have a photo of hubby in my wallet but a photocopy of drivers license, plus noting current clothing (or taking a pic as phranque suggests) would be helpful. He can simply disappear on me----usually off to a washroom which is okay if there's only one washroom available but sometimes I have no idea which direction he has gone searching for one. He can be gone a long time . . . doesn't always go to nearest one . . . and a couple of times I've wondered if he's hit the stage of not knowing his way back. Hasn't happened yet thankfully but he doesn't seem to be aware of how long he's been gone.