It started with DH's stepsister's death last December. Then DH's sister died in April she was my best friend & rock. My Dad died in June & an Aunt in October. Then DH decided I was sleeping with his brother in law while we were having a holiday at his house the first time we had been up there since DH's sister had died, this has resulted in DH wanting me in bed at anytime of the day & not sleeping untill I go to bed even with a sleeping pill. As he goes to bed alot earlier than I it means he is up many times asking me when I'm coming to bed (3 times already while I'm writting this) He can not perform but the hugs & cuddles & I love you are very nice. On 1st December Dh was admitted to hospital with pneumonia the next morning my youngest daughter & I went into visit him he was no where to be seen staff didn't know where he was untill they got a phone call from a lady down the road he was at her house having a cuppa. He had walked some distance as it took my daughter 20 minutes to get there & she walks fast. He was in hospital pj's, slippers & vest it was a cold wet day. They then put the ward in lock down until he came home the next day for 1 night before going back into the old person's rehab ward for assessment of his medication. He was there for 2 weeks trying to get home all the time but they had an alarm on his arm that went off if he went out the ward door. They say he is at stage 3 which means in care he would be in a lockup dementia ward not sure if our NZ stages are the same as you have in USA. He is worse than he was before going to hospital. His phychiatrist rang yesterday to see how he was & make an appointment to come & see us on the 7th January. She thinks I should be looking into full time care in a rest home while I can still have some quality time with him without doing the full time care myself. Reading what alot of you say I'm sure my DH isn't bad enough for full time care yet & not sure if I'm ready for it either. Then just when I thought the year was nearly over I had to have my little bischon frise dog put to sleep yesterday.The worse part was been at the vet's by myself & having to decide yes or no thankgoodness the vet knows me & was so good to this muddled crying lady. Heres wishing us & all of you lovely folks a much better & happy New Year. Patricia
That is a year. I have not loved it, as years go, either...my dad also died (Parkinson's) in June, but I haven't been accused of sleeping with anyone for a couple years. (it was, ostensibly, his visiting friend.) I've been about as moody as I've ever been lately, and I'm trying to talk myself into a more optimistic outlook. Sorry Patricia. I hope '10 will be brighter!
Sorry Patricia, what a hard year. So sad to lose your dog when you need the simple love of a pet. I'm glad the vet saw your pain. Do you mind if we take over your thread to write about our hard years too?
We did a major renovation of a house (starting in May) and then moved into it. The decisions were hard, including all new light fixtures and plumbing fixtures so it was a lot. My husband, while he thinks he is still ok, was completely uninvolved. Knowing when to stand up to the contractor was really hard. And then we moved, which of course is a nightmare, with my husband still holding onto things. He got rid of some but not nearly enough. He was somewhat involved in the move but spent a lot of time on the toilet.
As I struggled with moving our son was flunking out of his first semester of college. So many feelings--my father who died four years ago went to that college and was a loyal alumni. I've arranged for him to go to a different college in the spring.
We helped my husband's 98 year old aunt move twice, once from a regular apartment to assisted living (after a temporary stay in the associated nursing home) and then to the nursing home permanently. She holds onto stuff worse than my husband and now we have most of it.
That is a lot to go through in one year. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this and then to lose your dog on top of it is very hard.
With regard to placing your husband in fulltime care, maybe he just needs some time to have his meds adjusted. It's good that he will be seeing his psychiatrist.
This has been a horrible year for me. A year ago in Dec my DH was basically taking care of himself. By February or March this year he went downhill. He gradually became incontinent, started losing his vision from brain damage (not eyes) so I took him to day care until he got kicked out for agitation with aids in late April. Then I tried to keep him at home while I worked full time but was able to work from home 1/2 day - paid $500 a week for an aid part time. Had to have someone stay with him just to go to the grocery store. Had to put him in a nursing home under Medicaid in July as I could not pay $500 week for home care or $5000+ month for nursing home plus I couldn't take care of him by myself - couldn't even shower him. He is 6ft3" and I am 5'5". Nursing home has been good as nursing homes go - has had UTI twice - they took him to the hospital last night and diagnosed with UTI. He was sitting in his wheel chair all day in dining room where they put most on his Alzheimers floor but can't sit up anymore so is bedridden, in diapers, hardly talking, totally blind, has to be fed and had to be put on several meds because of aggitation and yelling including Seraquil. He still knows me which is a miracle and psychiatrist says he could live like this for a long time. This is so hard to watch and I feel so sorry for him. He yells and fights when they try to change him. I try to go at all different times and his main aid and the main floor nurse are wonderful - they tell me he is harder to handle than most. I am thankful for them. Does it look like to anyone out there that I need Hospice? The psychiatrist seems to think not. Like I said, he thinks John could live a long time like he is. I don't know what to think. Does anyone out there have any ideas?
Susan if you live in Pompano we are almost neighbors. My husband is in much the same shape as yours. He has been on hospice care in a facility for almost three years. It is considered palliative rather than end of life. The give me all the support that I need.
Patricia, if he is 'running', placement may be the only way to keep him safe and not do you in. My FIL was a 'runner' and I believe lack of rest because she had to always be alert to him escaping, no matter what precautions she took, led to an early death on her part. That was 9 years ago and he is still alive and walking the hallways living in his own unknown world. I also believe we 'rank' them different. Here stage 3 is just a hair below normal. Most i think are in stage 4 when diagnosed. Here we also have mild, moderate and severe with the breakdowns within each. Sounds like in the US your hb would be in the severe category.
Susan and Patricia, sorry for the heartbreak year you have had.
This year has brought the diagnosis of aMCI to probably dementia of the Alzheimer type. His main problems are memory, always repeating yet surprises me what he will remember. He was sitting here today and ask when he would see Dr. Silbert (his neuro) again. He has only seen her twice and yet remembers her name. Go figure.I have come to realize that gatherings of more than one are not for him anymore. I think he can't keep up with the conversations going on. I realized this when my younger brother asked if we wanted to drive over to Eastern Oregon and spend New Year's Eve with sisters over there. I had to say no unless we could take the motorhome so he would have a place to retreat. But that is not possible since I refuse to drive it in the snow. He was approved for SSDI the first time which I am grateful for. They gave his disabled date as 1/09 so we received 4 four months of back pay. I still have not figured out how to spend it - so many needs but can't decide!
The hardest part of the year is giving up our dreams for out 'golden years' - basically we won't have them. But, I am still going to find a way to travel some. The other challenge and hard part is not loosing my patience with all his repeating and forgetfulness. But, compared to many including those who have lost their loved ones, mine is still pretty OK. I found this site in January of this year and feel this is family. The longer I am here, the more I feel your losses and cry with you all.
I am so sorry, Patricia and Charlotte - I feel the same way about missing our golden years. I planned on having more time together. John is 71 and I am almost 64. I rattle around in this house - I have wonderful friends but not the same. Working helps. I am thankful for my job and the nursing home is 2 minutes from work. Yes, I live in Pompano Beach, Bluedaze. Where do you live? I can't believe your husband has been on hospice for three years - that is discouraging to me. It is so hard to watch. I can't imagine watching this for 3 years or more.I haven't been to this site since March or April but I really need you all now. Friends are wonderful but talking with people going through this who understand are even better. Yes, welcome to the new year!