75 Merry Christmas,I still almost 24 hours later don't know if he was joking or serious but it still is stuck in my craw,very little thing to get worked up compared to all the "stuff" others are going thru but still...........
Had a pretty nice Christmas. Celebrated with my family at my parents' house on Christmas Eve. Ate too much food and we all played a silly game. My husband just watched but at one point during the evening he gave me a big smile and winked at me! It was lovely.
Today, we had brunch with my daughter and son-in-law and opened gifts. Then a quick stop to say Merry Christmas to my mom and dad and home for a quiet evening. I think Bruce is tired of the visiting.
This is an old thread! Much different Christmas than I reported in 2009. First holiday season since Jeff's been in the ALF. My 3 daughters, + a handful of other relations did come to see him today, but his awareness is very limited. Still, I fed him his midday meal, and he must know he's loved. Then, the big gathering of extended family (the count was about 20 today) convened at my house for Christmas dinner. Nice, but tiring.
First Christmas alone here too, and it was fine. Talked to my Daughter yesterday--she lives in California. I planned my day with many choices and have just gone with the flow. Revisited many memories of Christmases past. One of my sisters and her 2 dauhters stopped by, and brought goodies. I watched "White Christmas" yesterday and Midnight Mass at St. Peter's Basilica last night. Whatever I had on my list to do, I'll get to eventually. For today the list was all things to enjoy. There were instances of missing DH, but I expected that and answered the feelings with thoughts that he is with the angels and there's no better place for him to be. I'm okay with that.
**************** ol don---let it go. We know who the Grinch was. Extend a touch of Peace to that Pastor--it's not easy tending sheep. At least he didn't say it to a Dad or Grampa infront of a little one who gave the tie as a gift. Such ties must be worn. It's a rule.
May the Peace and Love of our Lord be with each one of us caregivers ( I am beginning to dislike the word caregiver or care partner if were caring for our beloved spouses), our families, friends and especially our dear LO's who have this dreaded disease as we celebrate Christmas and all the days ahead
Ol Don - I am a devout RC and would not take your Pastors comments to heart. ( I wonder how he would have handled his LO having this illness ?) I have a very dark sense of humor and I think that we all need to somehow bring a smile or laugh into this very dark illness. Heck my wife and I are both 56 and she has been in ALF for a year ( breaks my heart every day ) however a month ago I decided to shave my head "right down to the wood" ( I have been losing my hair for years ). In some ways I did it for some of the more senior residents ( take it the next youngest resident is 75 ) so that they could have a good laugh when I would take off my hat. Some who could barely speak or smile definitely had a laugh. In another way I shaved my head in an almost mystical action to present myself to God as I spiritually try to find God in these poor people including my beloved who have this dreaded illness !
May the Peace of Christmas be with all of us so that we will somehow be able to help our LO's in this misery,
I spent Christmas eve in a hotel near the hospital, (after visiting him), too far to drive home and I am still hacking and coughing. It was ok...I slept good. Went over to the hospital about 9 a.m. and stayed with him for a few hours. I laid in his bed while he was having a nap, and hugged him and cried. Have been strong and focused but it was just so sad today.
Mary75* you mentioned on another thread how this all happened to us as a message from God, as Dado needs to be placed and this is forcing the decision. Now, I am working on the "emotional divorce" some of you have mentioned. If we don't, it just hurts too damn much. He seems so aware of it all, and his tears and sobs are gut wrenching.
Tomorrow I must again pursue the Medicaid question with the worker, will it pay for this hospital stay? Otherwise we are up to about $8000.00 already. Yet, this little whisper has come to me a few times, saying, it is all right. It will be all right.
I am back home now with my cats and the quiet. My Christmas gift was a heavy downpour of rain to soak our parched drought land. And now I do not have to water.
My heart asks, when, will happiness come again, or really , will it? Feels like I will never be the same that is for sure, I don't mind changing but I would like to shake this feeling that life is over. (Sorry if this is all so morbid)
Yesterday the sun was out, I was wiped out tired..had vertigo the day before...anyway went to the evening Christmas Mass which was wonderful...and then came home fixed dinner and it was a quiet evening with our tiny tree on..kittens relegated to the back of the house... Then today it was to be sunny but wasn't..cloudy and tonight it is pouring rain. We talked to all the girls and my brother, opened gifts over skype...that was fun but as someone said earlier it was pretty disorganized.. Tonight we had dinner with my cousin. And it was fun. They heard me sing at church last night so they set me up with the boys to sing carols...and it was great fun, we had dinner and it was such a pleasant evening. Earlier in the day I had started with some of those anxiety symptoms but once out of the house and in a different environment where there was order and decorations all the symptoms vanished...get home and it starts to come back....can't with with this...but overall the day was very nice.. Now tomorrow we start with the doctor visits...I hope the rain stops...
We're having a heat wave....but except for a little upset when i picked him up, it was a lovely Christmas day yesterday. Picked Dh up from the Nh at 10am, when i first saw him ready to go out, I nearly broke down and cried.....i was disgusted with how he was dressed, dirty track pants, singlet, t-shirt, shoes but no socks,and a jumper (sweater )...in his heat wave! he had lovely nice clothes there to wear....they knew he was going out. i couldn't get him out of there quick enough....i would change him when we get home!
drove home, and as before he was the back seat driver...but this time I didn't mind at all, it was just nice to have him out of there for the day . Driving down our small cul-d sac he had no idea where we were, even did not recognize our house, until we were inside. Normally he would go straight for his DVD collection to make sure it was all there....he never even looked at them DD and her best friend came for lunch, they brought food to add to what I had already cooked . dh was very good, tho tired, rambled on, we had no idea what he was saying, but we just went along with it. he didn't eat as much as he used to, but loved the ice cream, and cooling water melon.
Around 2pm he started to get a bit antsy...I thought it was time to take him back, but I had to pick my moment. then he said he needed to go to the shops to buy razor blades...that was my cue...Ok I said lets go now, before it gets late. driving back i was thinking if i could really have him back home....my heart wants to bring him home. Just for the one day was fine, but as much as i would love to...it ( I ) wouldn't last!
Our day started out okay-Christmas music and singing along, making food for snacks and dinner. DH was fascinated with the tree and was decorating it with cd holders, large stuffed animals even the gloves he got for Christmas. Somewhere in the middle of the day he wouldn't let me or the aide get near the tree and told us to"get back". Then around 9 pm he decided to take the tree apart while it was still plugged in. He threw the different sections of the tree all over the family room pulling the light cords out of the wall. Thank god the aide picked up the pieces and put them in the box and took it to the garage. Don't know if the tree survived; will check that out later. I guess we had a FTD Christmas. I am getting so tired of this.
Christmas Eve we had about 30 of my family at our house. Lloyd spent the night playing "Where's Linda?" Every time I ran into him I would act surprised and he would get excited. My son Nick came up behind Lloyd and rubbed his shoulders and got punched in the stomach. Other than that it was uneventful. Wrapped Lloyd's Christmas presents...unwrapped Lloyd's Christmas presents...that was pretty stupid. Went to Nick's for Christmas breakfast, Lloyd's parents for lunch, and back to Nick's for supper. Ate lots of breakfast at Nick's because I knew Lloyd's mom would clear away the food before I got to eat since I feed Lloyd first. She does it for every meal the family has at her house. Lloyd's brother Wayne wanted to throw coins on the floor again to see if Lloyd would see them and pick them off. This ignorance has been going on for a while. This year I told him he was not going to use his brother's Alzheimer's to amuse himself. I hate going there!!!!! Lloyd did snuggle up to his other brother Bobby. They are 18 months apart and used to share a bed when they were just little and Lloyd loves being with him. I know he really suffers seeing Lloyd like this when they spent their entire lives doing everything together. So I guess it is worth that. Then back to Nick's with dil Kari, their 5 kids (10, 8, 6, 4, and 2), daughter Maria, and Kari's dad. Then we came home and set up the laptop in the DR and skyped my grandson in Japan in the Navy with his gf here. It was funny having him wave and tell Grandpa "hi" and Lloyd waving back. And not a word from Lloyd's kids. Surprise! Surprise! Now with it being cold outside, I am anticipating Lloyd getting sick. Boo! and Bah! Coco, there will be life after this. We just have to get through this first! And the hell we have gone through to get to the other side will make it that much better! That is what keeps me going. I treasure every moment he is here (almost every), but I am not stupid...I know there is only one way this will end. And I am determined to survive it.
Whatever the pastor was thinking it has already been said that on christmas and with men getting strange ties, he is not on solid ground. At the least his priorities are open to question on that day.
We had a saying I learned working in LA which was 'move the monkey'. It's venacular; but, resonates a deep truth.
If you do nothing this will sit on you and I feel sure the pastor did not intend that. For all you know he regrets saying it and I call that probable. But if you arrange to speak to him and discuss it with a view to both understanding and reconciliation; this will NOT sit on you any longer and you will have each conducted yourselves well.
If you contact him to talk about it respectfully and learn his thoughts more fully on the matter, you can let him know that you intended no disrespect and there is an excellent chance you will draw closer to understanding your pastor. I believe it is certain your concern about this will be resolved within you and that is a good thing wanted by the pastor just as much I suspect. He was wrong to say anything of this sort to anyone on christmas. That much is clear. But we are all only men and women. Yet this is the sort of thing that sits on us especially related to something so important to us as our church.
Happy Holidays all. Have to jump in here on the Grinch tie. My dh wore a grinch tie also and all the kids and nieces and nephews loved it! It is a redemption story after all. I won't go on a religious rant here but bottom line, wwjd? Coco a bouquet of beautiful poinsettias to you! Dh, dd, ds and his girl drove over pass to my sis and had a lovely low key dinner with her fam. Dh was tired but he even entered a conversation once... When we left he insisted he didn't have to use the bathroom then I turned around and he was coming up the stairs with wet pants only a little. He rushed into the bathroom. I was so busy getting food to take and supervising loading gifts etc I forgot to tell him to wear his depends. Small glitch in a wonderful day. Definitely a white Christmas a little snow falling on way home also.
Our holiday was a mixed bag of sorts. My heart wasn't really in it and quite honestly, I don't think holidays have much significance for my DH anymore. But our son came home from Downstate, my DH'S son and daughter-in-law and the granddaughters were coming, and our own daughter who lives with us. Christmas Eve was fun with the little ones -- DH still enjoys them very much. Christmas Day was more stressful. Drove to my sister's home and on the way DH said he needed to pee. I should have stopped at a gas station, since he seems to be having urge incontinence problems. I asked him if he could wait another 20 minutes and he said ok. When I pulled up to my sisters house, I said "Well now you can go to the bathroom" to which he replied "I already peed in my pants." So I guess that was my Christmas present from him! Sadly, he didn't seem to care that he had wet his pants, which shouldn't surprise me since his overall attitude to life is "Who cares?" I went to a local Walgreens to get him some Depends, but he absolutely refused to wear them.
Looks like I've got some new challenges awaiting me in the New Year -- especially the incontinence issue, plus sleep disturbances occurring about every 6-7 days. Today I'm just doing nothing --
Our Christmas was quiet. We have our eldest daughter living with us and our Downs Syndrome/ deaf son visiting for the week, We had our few gifts in the am and then we watched tv. Had a nice dinner with shrimp cocktail as an appetizer and then ham for dinner. Very quiet. We can't go anywhere anymore. I can't deal with the wet jeans. He refuses to wear the depends pull-ons. He wears Depends Guards for Men if I supervise him. Otherwise he either pulls them out of the Jocky shorts or forgets to put on any underwear at all. I put the pads in the underwear before I put them in the drawer.
Elaine, I also carried a bag with a complete change in it. I still have one in the car for when we have to go to a Dr or dentist.
Where to START!! Paul has been doing well--but we are both exhausted!!!!!!! We started our weekend with 7 year old GD breaking her arm.(she is ok) Then youngest daughter had to have surgery on her eye on Christmas eve morning(she is ok too) but Paul and I had to go to her house on Sunday to care for the 7 year old GD,a not too well trained dog,4 cats and the D's mother-in-law(whom can not see well). They got home from the hospital and the Son-in-law had come down with the flu-so we had to stay even longer than planned while he went to Quick Care!By late afternoon -it was time to go to older D's house for xmas eve---here we went with GD in cast, D with large patch on her eye,SIL with lots of tissues in hand and MIL being led along.Thank goodness Paul was doing well that day. We got through dinner -then Paul said he needed to GO to the bathroom(well of course she only has one)and it was busy so-----yeap Paul POOPED his pants--- he nearly cried but we got that all cleaned up and managed to get through opening gifts. Finally got home around 9 that night and I was REALLY glad to be home. Christmas day -we were still trying to recoop-spent a few hours with my Mom then came home and was in bed early. I am sooooo glad this is OVER!!!! Sure hope Jesus had a better time on his birthday!
Don - I worked in our church's office many years ago. The first thing I learned is Pastors are people. They too talk when listening would be better. Forgiveness may be hard but it will be better for you. Sorry it happened anytime but especially when and where it did.
Went to FIL for 2 nights. Thankfully traffic down was great and ok on the way back. She slept well there, which has been a problem in the past and was happy to see her father and aunt and one of her sisters.
The 2nd day was hard on her. Family breakfast, presents, and then dinner. It took a long time for her to realize that her sister brought a different dog the second day, they look similar but act very differently. Dinner at her aunts she was clearly overtired and we had to leave her aunt with the cleanup because L started cleaning up and we realized this was too much for her. Noticed at least 4 times L would come back from the bathroom without doing her belt. Thought she was going to have a fit because our son and me were drinking Pepsi.
One time when just with me she cried about how she was becoming like her grandmother (years of dementia) and mother (dementia as result of super rare disease).
One the 3 rd day she was eager to head home, 5 years ago she would want to hang around. Trip back was painful. We forgot a box and when I stopped for gas, in the dreadful rain with huge puddles she had to get out of the car to look at the back to see if the box was there, had to yell at her to go back in the car. Also a fight on where to eat lunch, she got geography turned around and would not believe me when I said the left turn on leaving Wendy's was difficult to make in the best of times and we were not going there just because we already ate at Subway 2 days ago. She detested all of the other fast food options. She was anxious to get home, which is the norm. Did much better on vacation this summer.
At home she had trouble following what gift was from whom when we opened our gifts to each other and from family that shipped them to our house. Once home she would not stop,talking, even when asked. Same things over and over again.
Thankfully she is asleep and I have one more day of work this year.
I remember specifically thinking to myself last Christmas that things were "okay." And again this year, things are still okay. In fact, it was one of the nicest Christmases we've had. As Jim's AD progresses, he is more open to having people visit and going places, so he wasn't as stressed out as usual about people visiting.
My son and his girlfriend and her parents came over for dinner on Christmas eve and we had red King crab legs from Alaska (thank you, my darling 96 year old grandma!), artichokes, baby potatoes, a warm spinach salad and loaves of crusty sourdough bread. And lots of butter! Jim didn't talk much, but stayed through the whole gathering, even helping pick up the plates after the meal.
It's warms my heart when people are so kind to Jim, taking time to talk to him even when he doesn't make much sense. The dad-in-law came right in, shook Jim's hand, patted him on the shoulder and told him how great he looked. And the mom-in-law got into a big conversation with him and sweetly laughed with him when he laughed about not remembering what they were talking about.
I haven't had more than one or two people over in a looooong time, so it was a lot of work for me. But it made me feel almost normal for an evening and reminded me to appreciate the moments of happiness that come my way even in hard and sad times.
I'm sorry for all who had a difficult time this year. I hope the New Year brings some hope and peace and many kindnesses to all.
ol don, sorry to say it but I think your pastor is an idiot. It is Christmas and all he can do is find fault in what people do that he doesn't agree with? Makes me wonder what his service was about.
pamsc, You ate a goose? I never heard of anyone eating a goose before. Just never entered my little old pea picking mind I guess. I didn't even knew they were something people ate.
Well, the votes are in about ol don's pastor. Anchor20, yup, you can eat a goose. They are similar to chicken or turkey, but are a lot greasier...so not really worth it to me. Why have a goose when you can run through the drive-thru at the Colonel's?!?
Anchor20, many families used to celebrate Christmas dinner with cooking a goose-my grandmother did. They are basically all dark meat and can be very greasy if they are not cooked correctly. My father asked my mother to cook a goose for Christmas one year as a salute to his family tradition....well we all hated it and never had a goose again.
The most wonderful Christmas present, Our only Grandson came home from the marines,had not seen him in months. Was the best present we could have gotten, I was worried DH would soon not know him,but he seemed to be okay ,took him a minute to realize who it was. We will not see him for another 18mo.Son and all his family were here also,his daughters brought some new boyfriends.The only family member missing was our daughter's daughter, she is in Tanzania,but she had 25 people at her home for the holidays,so assume she had a happy holiday.Now for some rest.
For us "Christmas" will be tomorrow. Our younger daughter and family (husband, 2 teen-age boys, and a dog) arrived on Sunday. They joined us for dinner at our Retirement Inn Christmas Even. On Christmas day we joined them, opened a few presents, watched some TV, and had a GREAT roast beef dinner. Yesterday we joined them just for dinner. DW did well through most of it, mostly sleeping sitting on the couch. BUT, last night we had a lot of trouble getting her into the car to come home - she didn't like the dark, was afraid of the steps. it took 3 of us to get her down 2 steps and into the car. Today, we decided not to join them because of the snow storm (which seems to be ending).
On Christmas Eve our older daughter and husband left Chicago area to drive to Maine, along with winter storm Euclid. They made it to Toledo before stopping for the night. Then yesterday they drove from Toledo to Maine - " with the storm nipping at our heels". They saw snow only near Boston, but the storm wasn't far behind all the way. They arrived late last night. We will be joining both families tomorrow for Breakfast, presents, Turkey dinner, etc., getting home by 8:30 PM (I hope). Younger daughter and family leave to go back to MA on Saturday, older daughter stays until early January.
This has been hard for me since Christmas was always DW's favorite time of year. She loved getting presents for everyone, doing the Christmas cards, decorating the house and preparing the dinner (with help). Now she doesn't seem aware of Christmas.
as if the holidays werent enough excitement, we have full moon again tonight!! so you can prepare for some strange events with loved ones if they are affected. i had to give ativan first time again in a while last night. probablly a few nights - it all adds up, and folks it is very real. divvi
It has been a difficult week for me. DH was a bit overwhelmed by all the preparations and people we had here. All family. On Christmas he held it together until everyone left and then was upset with me for some reason I cannot fathom. Yesterday, he got upset with our 21 year old grandson for 'running his mouth' which upset grandson and me. Today, he is back to day care and was almost as glad as I was. I know we cannot be with others too long, it is too tiring for him. In the future we will have a quiet time together. That means less interaction for me with others and makes me really lonely.
This morning was horrible. Crying over events from 40 years ago. Complaining over this and that. Exposing herself because she HAD to look outside our bedroom window when naked with no attempt to cover herself. Not getting enough Xmas cards.
My Christmas was good. I got together with my 4 children & their families at different times to exchange gifts. On Christmas Day I went to the Veterans Home & stayed with Tom for a few hours. I took him down to the cafeteria for dinner, but he started getting a little paranoid of some of the people there. I took him back up to his unit & put him in bed, kissed him good night & left. Today I got together with 3 of our children & their families for our annual pizza party when the grandkids exchange presents. That was lots of fun. Then I took our oldest son & his family to see his Dad at the Veterans Home & we had a good visit. But the best present I received this Christmas was on Christmas Eve. 2 of my grandkids went to church with me so that I wouldn't have to go alone (the first Christmas Eve alone since DH is in the Veterans Home). Their mother (my daughter) was to busy to go with us. Just as the service began my daughter, son-in-law, & their other little girl came in surprised me. She knew it would be difficult for me to be in church without her father so she wanted to be there for me. I cried & so did she. Best present I received!
I am glad your Christmas went well,Elaine. I knew it would be tough on you all,so glad the kids were there for you. I am just glad we are done with it for another year!! Hope Tom is doing ok. Love to you both....
Well, here it is - the 29th and Lloyd has a cold. That was exactly what I did not want! He has long forgotten how to blow his nose, much less wipe it. Every time he sneezes I have to run with the tissue before he gets snot everywhere! I can turn around and there he will be with snot just hanging out of his schnoz. I think I prefer poop over snot. Wish he was short enough to just come up and wipe his nose on me like a small child. At least it is then "contained". YUCK!
As some of you know this was my second Christmas without my DW It still seems strange that she was not there when I celebrated Christmas with our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. But as some of you know life goes on and does not stop cause of a loss. I have found a wonderful lady who wants me and wants to share life with me and so I go on day by day step by step. While I am no longer alone I still miss her especially during the holidays which were always special My new found friend lost a brother on the 20th of Dec so she too suffered a loss this year and that dampened her Christmas spirit. She did get to see him a week before he passed. Now I look forward to the new year filled with new beginnings as I have a brand new great granddaughter as of Dec 28. That makes 5 and counting. Along with 16 grandchildren our clan is growing. God bless you all this holiday season and just know the future may look dark but there is a silver lining in every black cloud and this time will pass. Bruce D *
For more on goose see here: http://www.saveur.com/article/Techniques/Christmas-Goose It is very fatty so we cook it with a sauerkraut, sausage and apple stuffing rather than a bread stuffing that would absorb fat.
My first Christmas alone was pretty bad. I didn't feel like going to church by myself or expose myself to sentimentality displayed by joyous families on Christmas Eve. I felt exactly like Scrooge. and I was angry. So on Christmas Eve I watched Red Neck snake hunters catch rattle snakes on the Animal Channel. But on Christmas Day my husband and I went to church services at the Home and had dinner there afterwards. I have no problem with the Christmas message, just in how it's sometimes celebrated. For all these years I have struggled to make Christmas a festive time for our family without much help from the spouse. In fact I played organ at the church for many Christmas Eves and served dinner afterwards.. The daughters in law (with one exception) don't bother in this regard for us. In fact, I haven't heard at all from one offspring and his wife and children. But despair is a pretty self parasitic feeling, and it doesn't do to let it take up too much of one's soul. So I would be benefited by trying to find someone else in similar straights as myself and helping. There have to be many, many, lonely widows or almost widows out there that would like to have some verbal exchange with someone almost in their shoes. So then ,hopefully, peace will come to me and forgiveness for what others have or have not done..It will take some action on my part though.
Do you have a Seniors Centre nearby? With your talents in music and painting, you would find an activity there that would use your creativity and give you companionship, too. It's only lately that I've started having lunch at our Senior Centre, and it is comforting to be with people our age who've had lots of life experience. I think you have a lot to offer if you could work it in your day. In the meantime, sending you warm wishes.
Haven't commented here in awhile...been too busy. But it was good to hear about how Christmas went for others. We opened presents at our house with our kids 15 and 18 and our Fresh Air kiddo (16) who came to visit. Hubs couldn't open his presents we all helped. And totally forgot what he got. Then I drove 2 hours to my brothers. Everyone really had a fun time, and my family enjoyed visiting with hubs and were more than kind to him. So appreciate a helpful family, hubs had one problem in the bathroom, but my sweet SIL was able to help out with out a problem and hubs didn't really realize that she saw him half naked. :) Phew!! Worst part was having to drive home in the snow.......missed hubs driving, he was always such a good snow driver!
Today has been better. But found out this morning that she has a UTI from a test she took on Thursday, she says she feels fine and couldn't believe it. The test was for something else. But she will start antibiotics tonight and hopefully behavior will improve.
paulc, we find over time that these undiagnosed uti can cause extreme changes in behaviors and many drs can overlook it unless we suggest they run a culture - it seems to go with dehydration and loss of appetites, and general deterioration with our spouses. i know my DH cant tell me if hes in distress or feeling ill from them too. you just have to see symptoms that are out of the ordinary alot of the time. they do tend to bounce back after antibiotics. divvi
youhoniey, Glad your Marine ( it is always capitalized) was home for Christmas. I remember my first Christmas when I was overseas in Okinawa..it was lonely with a capital L..I was there for two of every holiday..then when I got home, I got to go home for Christmas that year but the next year I had the Officer of the Day duty...it is always hard on the service person, especially if single as I was then, not to be with family..and it is hard on the family to have their service person away..always an empty spot so I am so happy for all of you!