I have her accounts blocked as far as taking any amounts out without my permission but she still has check book an I usually always see what she's writting check to,but she could write something without my knowledge an that was bothers me.
Do you have checks from a bank account that has been closed? If so, give her those checks. Or open another account and close that one. You must protect your money. She can order over the internet and cable television...there are those here who can tell you horror stories about monetary losses. Please don't wait to take action...
Does she still know how to write checks? I found out that DH no longer knew how to write checks, so I closed that account. Now he gives me the bills as they come in.
Trouble with finances is often one of the earliest signs of cognitive problems. My DH was having trouble with the checkbook for a year before a diagnosis of MCI. When he was diagnosed, I gently took all financial responsibility away from him. As we live pretty much paycheck to paycheck, a mistake on his part could be quite a problem. He has not seemed to be bothered by this at all. I give him cash each week and he shops at the nearby grocery store and pharmacy, etc. Recently, I saw that he had been practicing writing his name on a pad while I was at work. When I asked about it, he said he hadn't writtenn it in so long he was afraid he forgot how to do it, "in case he needs to write a check"!
My hb has never handled finances or the checkbook. He does have his debit card but has always asked when to use it - whether to pay cash or debit. I know there will be a time when that is not going to be possible. I am hoping the time will be when he can't remember his pin number instead of when he freely spends.
If they insist on having checks, I would go with checks on a closed account.
well her problem(an mine) is she stil thinks shes okay,even tho she hasn't drivn in over a year,I'm guessin stage 4-5 an when I try to explain anything to her she goes whacko,her temper is a thing to behold,then 10 minutes later its back to normal
ol don, if she hasn't driven in over a year, she is not stage 4. She has to be at stage 5 or possibly even further along.
Stop explain things to your wife. Yes, I know, it is a really hard thing to do. But sooner or later you realize that if you can't explain it in half a sentence or less, it is not a good idea. It was one of the things that I had REAL PROBLEMS learning to do.
Absolutely! Don! Starling is giving you valuable advice. I remember how hard it was to grasp the fact that my husband couldn't comprehend logical reasoning. Just take a big breath and let it go. The room will be filled with the ROAR of silence...and then the moment will pass. This was MY biggest challenge. Not driving, not banking..none of those things. I couldn't believe he couldn't still "understand, reason or learn how to do something new". Once I crossed over that mountain, it was easier for both of us.
Nancy B* I have the same problem with DH. He seems so with it at times, I get irritated when he looks at me as if I am speaking a foriegn language. Or I will tell him something and he has that blank look on his face and doesn't respond to what I have said so I know he didn't understand. I guess it's all part of AD.
Jean21 you just said something that rang a loud bell for me. Last year, early on, I would be trying to explain some rather little thing to the DH and he would get this look on his face or " just not get it" and I recall one time complaining " what is wrong with ME that I can't make MYSELF understood" I thought the problem was Me. Then later when I got back from Iceland, other things didn't seem right....got to all the docs and finally got this AD diagnosis. Bummer but an answer..it wasn't ME it was his inability to absorb what I was saying. I then started to focus on everything around the financial aspect of things and one day said..you know I need to learn how to pay the household bills and all the other important things ( which he always took the cog of being the Marine warrior he was) so that when you are away on a trip I'll know what to do...now I get the mail and I sort it before it gets into the house and I make sure I pay the bills. I have not taken his name off the check book yet but I do control it and I now make sure he has some money in his wallet for things he wants to do. Thankfully he is not computer smart..never liked em...so that is not a worry and to date he asks me about everything. I pay the bills and then write the number and date paid on the bill and make sure he gets to see it so he still feels involved. So far so good....
Mimi, My DH never bothered with the finances and never wrote a check to pay a bill. Once in a while he would ask what we had in the bank and thinking about it I could have given him and figure and he wouldn't have known the diference!!!! He hasn't asked for a long time so I guess it is another forgotten thing.
Sticky subject.... I've had to lie about check books and credit cards... DH logic gone right out the window.... DH has macular as well as dementia, cancer and arthritis, and still does not understand why he can't just pass the card to a stranger to swipe at WalMart or other stores... There is a,now, certain trusting quality that he never had before...So during the holidays , I lied, that he'd need to pay cash for his shopping instead of using the charge, as I didn't want a large bill arriving after the first of the year...SOOO, I confiscated the MC, he has no checks and I manage the investments...We're all learning,,, Everyday is a new lesson, some of it, I'm not at all proud of but these things we must do to preserve what we have..
Fiblets sounds so much better that little white lie. I hate to have to fib but sometimes it saves a lot of aggravation. But my DH gets some things and I think what makes the check book thing ok so far is that he knows I have never taken advantage of a situation and have carried my share of the financial wt, not leaving everything up to him so there is a good trust factor. As long as he can understand what I am doing I'll show him the bills paid so he is part of it.
My DH wants to participate - even in a very small way - with paying the bills. So .... I write the checks, put them in envelopes and place them on his desk. He puts on the stamps, return address labels, and walks them out to the mailbox. This is a far cry from the days when he paid the bills, but at least he is participating.