On earlier discussion threads I had indicated that I had planned on placing my husband on January 9th and then it was moved up to December 22nd due to agitation going between day care and home. This weekend was a living hell for me. Mark wondered away from home somewhere between 11:00 pm Friday night and 1:30 am Saturday morning. If it weren't for my dogs, I would not of known he wasn't there. I had to call medic alert and while on the phone with him, he showed up on the porch. He had his coat on and pajamas with bare feet. He was wet from the rain. I wasn't able to sleep after that for fear that he would leave again.
Needless to say, I didn't get any more sleep Saturday night. Sunday was a living hell for me. He was hallucinating all day about Viet Nam. I didn't know if he would go over the deep end. I couldn't talk him back. He was upset with the people in the mirror, which was the two of us. He ate styraphome (sp?) and I had to call poison control. He pee'd on my kitchen cabinets and in the sink. The list goes on. I was totally exhausted.I had given my husband a sleeping pill and put him to bed hoping that would calm him. It didn't. Someone in this group suggested hanging pots and pans from the door knob. I took that advice and last night hung 3 lids that made a lot of noise on the door knob. After that I head a lot of noise from the bedroom. He broke our bed. He threw all my clothes on the floor. He threw the lamp on the floor. He hid my pictures. I'm sure the list goes on but I have no idea what else happened yet.
I called the Alzheimer's hotline because I was losing it. A counselor wasn't available to talk. I just sat on the floor and cried my eyes out with my two dogs by my side. At that point, I called a friend of mine and just sobbed. She drove over an hour to come and sit with me for as long as I needed. We drank tea and talked. I tried to sleep but couldn't. She was an angel. I was able to pull it back together and got the strength to get through the night. Again with no sleep.
This morning after my doctors appointment, I drove straight to the assisted living facility. All they had to do was look at me and they said they were ready to take him today if I needed them to. I told them yes, I couldn't do it anymore. So with that, I went home and packed his things and got his room ready. My in home help took him to get a manicure and pedicure and they were gone for a few hours. After I got back from getting his room set up, my help and I took Mark for a drive. I walked him into the lounge, had someone get him some juice and we left quietly.
The ALF has 4 levels of care. Level 1 needs guidance, level 4 needs the most extensive care. A year ago he was assessed at level 1. Last week, prior to everything that happened this weekend, he was assessed at level 3. I don't think he will live longer than a year at the rate he is going. His neurologist hasn't seen anyone with this fast of a progression. Leave it to Mark to do it big!
Mark was my soul mate. He left me a long time ago. Somewhere inside of him, he lives. For now I do without. Now a new chapter in both of our lives is starting. I know time heals but right now my heart is breaking. I know it is the best thing for him and for me but it hurts so much right now.
Oh, Diana, I'm so sorry--I know your heart is breaking, it's to be expected. The hurt is all but unbearable. I will tell you that I think you got him in a facility just in time, violence was setting in, you did the right thing. I am so sorry. Blessings. Betty Weiss
I read and re-read your note. You sooooooooooooo need a hug, bless your heart. I have to admit that Foster never got that bad...and I wouldn't have had a clue what to do - if that had happened. I probably would have alled 911 ..jusut to have them thre when he was breaking the bed and having his episode. I called them several times the last few weeks..and those calls generated "in home" respite care for me with Hospice.
I'm so sorry, ...I'm glad you had the place set up. Now...it's your turn to rest.
Oh, bless you Diane. You have done the right thing to ensure survival for both of you. I wish you peace and comfort. You have done everything you can do. Let someone else take over his care now and you can then see him in manageable segments. Please try to rest. Hugs and more hugs.
Diane, I am so glad the assisted living facility was able to take him today. At the same time I am sorry this had to happen at all. You do deserve and have earned some rest. Sleep as much as you are able in the next few days. It will never be easy to have him there, but it will get better. You did the right thing as you will come more and more to realize. It isn't easy for me yet and probably never will be but I can see him doing better. Hang in there, Diane. {{{{HUGS}}}}, JoAn
Diane, hugs and prayers are with you. Also, that is a very special friend you have that came when you needed 'flesh and blood'. Get some rest and glad he didn't get violent with you.
Diane, I understand completely, we've been through the same things. We do not have any facilities nearby with a lock down unit so I chose to call hospice. They are working with his meds to calm him down. I don't believe we have a lot of time left either. My dh has also about faced 360 from a gentleman to someone I hardly recognize. Mark will do better there and you can get the rest you need. My prayers are with you.
Diane, wish I could be there to give you a great big hug. I pray that you will find some peace and comfort through this transition to a new phase of the journey. I am so sorry that this past weekend was so very difficult for you!! hugs, Susan
Dear Diane...I think the powers that be were letting you see what your life would be like if you did not place Mark now. If any of us were given a sign we were doing the right thing, you certainly were. You've had a terrible couple of days added to the trauma of placement. Please allow yourself the needed time to let things calm down and settle. You could be amazed at how the quality of your relationship with Mark improves. Please keep posting to let us know how things are going. I'll be thinking of you both. xox cs
Diane. dear-you did what was needed for both of you. Hopefully with med management your husband will calm down and you can still have some quality time with him. Stay with us.
Diane, I thought I posted yesterday, but I must have not pushed the "enter your comments." I agree with all of the others. I'm very sorry that the disease has progressed so fast. You're definitely doing the right thing, but it mush be very difficult. Janet
Diane--so sorry to hear what you have gone through. To me, a rapid decline would be much harder to handle emotionally. Things will improve now that you know your husband is safe and you are out of potential danger as well.
Diane, what a horrible experience. I know how awful this has been for you, but please know that you have done the best thing for both of you. Take some time to rest and be good to yourself.
Diane, I hope you get the rest you need. I know this is a difficult thing to do, but you have to survive this and take care of yourself. I think some times the stress of the holidays bring things to a head where the added stress just takes it to the next level and out of control. Bless you!
Oh Diane, I sooooo understand your heartbreak. Jim has progressed so rapidly this last year with FTD. It is so overwhelming to deal with so many changes soooo flippin fast! Sometimes I feel like this last year has been like living in tornado alley. My broken heart breaks even more for you. Hang in there, take time to care for yourself. Once he gets settled, expect better visits. It does take most a bit of time to adjust, but then they are more secure in the constant routine and they calm down. Feel my hugs. Arms around, Susan
Diane, my heart goes out to you, placing is so difficult to do but safety and health come first, he is in a place where he can be looked after and put on meds to calm him down if needed, he will be well taken care of, it is hard to adjust for him and equally hard for you, take care and we are all here for you, my dh declined very fast this last six months of his life, hang on honey. Gail
Oh Diane, I can just imagine your fear when Mark was gone for 2 1/2 hours, and then to have to contend with the violence. My heart goes out to you. But as everyone has said ... you did the right thing by placing him. He's safe now and so are you. No doubt the road ahead will be difficult, but now you can rest and prepare yourself to deal with the future.
I know your heart is broken...we're all broken. Please know I will pray for you. God bless your friend and Go bless you. Love, Pat
Diane, hugs and prayers to you. You are very brave and committed an act of LOVE. He is so fortunate to have had you as his soul mate and care giver. What a blessing that the facility was able to take him in. Please take some time to rest and get yourself together. We are all praying for strenth to get you through the next several weeks.
My heart was breaking (again) as I read you post. I was re-living the nightmare that was my life a year ago. I held out for 6 more months before I place my husband and looking back, I don't know how I did. Get some rest. You can think better when your are rested.
Diane, I can only echo what the others have said. Nothing to do with this disease is easy. May your heart be eased once he has settled in. Some of our spouses find contentment once there, and a new relationship with you can be formed. Please get some rest and remember that we are all here for you! Our thoughts and prayers are definitely with you.
Diane, I know we're all relieved to know you're doing better today. You and your husband remain in my thoughts. Please continue to let us know how things are going. (((hugs)))