My husband is 61 and I am 57. He was a plumber and contractor- so independant and could absolutely do anything. He was diagnosed 3 years ago. Now he has experienced every symptom- violence, wandering, thinking we have seen people we have never seen before or been somewhere we have never been, to sum things uo, I have a 61 year old child. I have to direct him in everything. He now has to eat with a large spoon- cannot handle forks, etc., swears he showers, and forgets he hasn't, he has even started walking slow- a far distance behind me. Risperdal and Effexor has been a lifesaver. He now is sweet and calm at least. I can handle everything else- just not the viloent behavior he used to have. Now I love him again, his rage was 10+- and again, he is calm and sweet on Risperdal and Effexor. I miss my husband, and I ask myseld each day- "Who Stole My Husband?" I feel alone most of the time. I dread the day when he looks at me and does not know me. I know that day is coming soon. Rosanne
Rosanne, I am currently going thru the process of obtaining permanent conservatorship and guardianship over my husband. As I go thru this process (and husbands recent hospitalization in psych ward), I tell all involved that my marriage is gone. I'm not sure where it went or when it went, but it is gone. DH is more like a teenager at the moment. Still has ability to appear ok (for a very short time, in a short conversation, with strangers), thinks he can still do everything, has the credit/work history of an adult of 57, but has definite problems with decision making. Yup, like dealing with a teenager again.
We are not as far as you, but I see it coming. i did get guardianship and that was a big deal to me. Slowly my partner is becoming my dependent. Not my idea of fun. Best to you both, I fear my turn is coming.
Becoming a parent to my husband has been slowing developing as for many of you.In fact, in many ways he is more like a pre- teen. No longer any empathy or even remote understanding on others' feelings. As I have posted he sits long hours in front of the tv just changing channels. He can't follow even the most simple dialogue and if I am with him he asks so many questions that neither of us get to hear the program. He has become a sweets addict and even there has returned to loving a childhood favorite .,.. you know those orange circus peanuts. They are like spongey taffy and sweet, sweet, sweet... Anyway,no matter what is happening ...I could be in tears or tired or running late from work...and he wants his circus peanuts. I have become a parent to a spoiled child.... he can forget almost everything and does but doesn't forget that he needs circus peanuts!!! I now keep bags in the house but hidden so we don't run out. Of course he accuses me of hiding them!!!! I don't mean to sound ugly... because ,lord knows that it could be worst. but what kind of a crazy desease turns my loving , intelligent husband into a spoiled twelve year old? And where else could I tell this story and know that it is understood for the sadness it brings......
rglennon, I have not posted in a while, but when I read yours, it really jumped out at me. You wrote "he has even started walking slow- a far distance behind me". My wife has been doing that for some time now, and I was wondering if it had to do with AD. When she is behind me only a few feet and I turn to the right or left she sometimes keep going straight as though she didn't see me turn, then looks around with a confused look as if I had disappeared. Some things about AD are very unique to each of us and some tings are very similar. It is a terrible journey. DickS
My husband follows a distance behind me too. I feel like my loving partner is becoming my dependent. He looks at me for all the answers to the littlest questions. This is such a very SAD journey that we are on.
We all have been experiencing the very same things from our loved ones- we are not imagining these symptoms, as sometimes we think. My husband's doctor and another Alzheimer's group told me that my husband's walking slowly behind me, is very typical of the Alzheimer's person. He even has a blank stare, as he walks, and cannot see me, even though I am right in front of him. He also craves sweets. He is aware of his words becoming tangled when he speaks. About 1 word in every sentence is tangled. Should I apply for Guardianship? I keep wondering what I am going to do, when I do need to "place" him. I work full time, and he is at home during the day. I prepare his breakfast and leave snacks, before I go. He takes a small walk, therefore, I have him wear an ID bracelet and an ID necklace. I fear that I will get a call. We thought after retirement from March Air Base, he would work for himself as a plumbing contractor- but he became ill. so essentially, I support us. Any suggestions what I should do, when I have to stop working- which I think is coming soon.
Well yet another symptom I've never seen anywhere else. Yup, I'm dealing with this one too. He walks way behind me in stores, and I have to keep looking back because sometimes he stops and sometimes he even turns whithout telling me.
It was always my job to know where he was in stores. But since that was always my job even as a child with everyone else in my life, I was pretty much used to it. It has gotten worse. I didn't realize it was a dementia symptom.
Welcome to my website. As I think you can already tell, we all understand what you are going through. It is the reason I developed this site in the first place. Only another spouse can understand.
If you read my Welcome Blog, you know that your words are my words and everyone else's - When the rages and irrationality started, I looked at him and cried - "Who are you, and what did you do with my husband???"
We haven't reached the later stages, but at this point in our journey, I honestly believe that accepting the losing of the person you knew and the change in the relationship, is the worst part of this. I have written many Blogs about trying to take the advice of "letting go" of what was and just deal with "what is", but it is the most difficult and painful process. I hate it. Every bit of it.
When you get a chance, please click on the "previous blog" section on the left side of the website, and check out these blogs - #2, 12, 16, 23, 26, 32, 38, 55, 60, 87, 21, and 129. I know you will be able to relate to all of them.
Even in restaurants my husband gets lost while being right beside me- or he just stands in one place, when the host or hostess seats us. When we go int Walmart for instance, I tell him if he cannot see me, just to go to their snack-bar and wait for me. In stores he can disapear immediately- in 1 second. Then he blames me for it. His eye-hand coordination is now so decreased. His eyesught is soooo bad- the eye doctors have said over and over that his glasses are the correct prescription, and it also is a symptom of the Alzheimers. The brain is not sending the correct signals. I now ususally give him a large spoon to eat with, cut his food up, and prompt him where most bits of food are. I have made up my mind that when going out to eat, I must order finger foods for him, get his salad in a bowl, and have lots of napkins.
Live and learn. My husband has always walked ever so slightly behind me, to the side, so when the distance started to increase, I just thought maybe he is now getting tired easily, problem with the high blood pressure medicine or something. And he's always loved sweets (he has been known to order dessert first, to make sure he has room for it) so I thought the constant requests for cookies and candies was more of the same. Who knew?
I do know that some people look at us a little strange when we're out for our daily walk ... I tease him that he's waddling along behind me like an imprinted duckling. He will speed up a bit if I slow down and turn to look, but pretty soon, he's way back there, again.
My wife is showing several of the symptoms mentioned above - she now walks behind me (she used to be able to outwalk me), sometimes directly behind me so that I cannot see her even if I look back. This is very unnerving. In the supermarket I have to check that she is still with me and hasn't picked up anything we don't want or need. She tends to eat some things with her fingers, but not all the time. When we go to restaurants she either orders the same thing I do, or I order something I know she likes. Her eyesight is getting bad (she has always been a very visual person). The optometrist says it is cataracts that will need surgery soon. I don't look forward to this. Fortunately, she is not having any rages, etc.
Oh, marsh! Every time we get to the checkout stand at the grocery store or drug store, I'll find packages of cookies or candy that I sure as heck didn't put there. I don't know how my husband does it -- I never catch him at it.
And the eating with the fingers ... my husband tends to have a given symptom for several weeks, and then it may disappear again. For a while there, he was eating green beans with his fingers every time we went out to eat. I figured he was eating french fries with his fingers, too, what the hey. But I'm relieved that he's stopped that, at least for now.
Others have posted about cataract surgery ... was that over on the Alz Assoc web site? Most of them said it actually went pretty well. My husband has really bad cataracts, but he isn't about to agree to surgery. His eye doctor (who did laser iridotomy on both his eyes, for closed-angle glaucoma) says that as long as he's happy the way he is, she sees no need for the cataract surgery. Fortunately, failure to treat cataracts doesn't make anything worse.
It's hard to tell when an AD patient is having trouble seeing, whether it's because of cataracts, or because of visual agnosia. I know my husband has some of that -- it was probably one of his first symptoms, if I'd just realized what was going on. And he seems to be able to read when he really wants to. So I guess as long as he wants to defer the surgery, that's what we'll do.
rglennon, my husband is about at the same stage yours is, except he can still use a fork. His snacks are cashews, peanuts, potato chips and chocolate covered doughnuts! He is like a boy, and loves his treats and I furnish them because it makes him happy, and I want that happiness for him for as long as he continues to have outward shows of emotion. I know the time is coming when it will be closed off and remain inside of him, and I dread that day.
He follows behind me wherever I go. When I take him shopping (which isn't often because he never liked to go shopping when he was well) at Lowe's or Home Depot, we hold hands. That is because we have in the past and now so I won't lose him. :)
My husband just began to continuously change stations with the remote control this week! Before he just put in DVDs and watched a movie (sometimes the same one for days on end because he couldn't remember that he saw it the day before). I am hoping this constant changing stations is quick to disappear from the symptoms list!
He can still see the TV and the computer screen enough to play card games. He has to have drops to keep the pressure down so he won't have glaucoma. No cataracts yet. I have to get him new glasses tomorrow because his nosepiece broke. At least these glasses have a separate line across the top linking the two lens together!
Sunshyne, my husband drops Snickers and Paydays into the grocery cart!
Now this is different.....my DH runs ahead of me. Recently we were in the airport returning from our winter vacation. When we left the aircraft he took the hand luggage and ran like blazes ,but in the wrong direction. I had a heck of a time trying to catch up to him. He often does that when we enter a shopping mall. He just "takes off" in any direction.
Anna, I just had to laugh... what a mental picture of you, madly chasing him down and dodging other people right and left.
Normally my husband hangs behind, but in an airport? Just like yours. I try to load him down with as much of the luggage as much as possible, so I can run more quickly, but that doesn't always work. Sometimes, I just grab hold of his belt. People look at me strangely, but I'm starting to get used to that. I wonder how they'd react if I got one of those baby leashes for him. :-)
Boy can I relate to this one!! Your hubby may not be having blood pressure when he slows down, just can't keep the pace of the norm. Think the brain slows them like a turtle when they can tired of "processing" and they slow more and more. I need those eyes in the back of my head that my kids used to think I had! Then I could see what direction or when he stops and heads off his own way! God bless us all! decblu
My wife M lags behind me when we walk anywhere. She will just wander away. Sooooo, I hold her hand and lead her along. That has worked well for several years. It looks very romantic to the casual onlookers.
In the supermarket, I let her push the shopping cart. I hold the front of it and sort of tow her and the cart along. I also watch her carefully as she will pick up things we don't need or things that she thinks are free. I direct her attention elsewhere and return those objects.
Well it certainly is symptomatic of AD then the walking behind, the craving of sweets, eyesight deteriorating, hearing as well, and my DH can 'escape' faster than lightning if you arent watching him every second. yesterday i left the key in the deadbolt and went to the bathroom and when i came back, no husband.. he was already out the door, walking up the street in less than 1 min. even my little chihuahuas know he isnt supposed to be outside..haha..they get huge eyes and run to 'tell me'..the lagging behind is when i decided to have him ride in the wheelchair even though he can walk fine. it just saves me time and stress knowing he is in the chair..divvi
Recently a wonderful article was posted on this website (sorry, can't remember the name) and it suggested that the lagging behind may be a result of the tunnel vision that occurs with ALz. They have such poor peripheral vision that having the caregiver directly in front of them is the only way they can see them.