I was so happy I decided this morning to rejoin this group. I read Joan's blog and immediately I felt a sense of comraderie in my misery.It is so hard to complain of being wanted by a beloved husband of 20 years.But he is so much my child and not my husband. He cannot perform actually, but this past week he has started to want to hold me in a sexual way, with fingers in sexual places, and he makes me squirm. Sometimes, I comply, figuring we'll have a pleasant day if he starts out happy. But it doesn't always work that way. Yesterday, he wanted me to take off my clothes and get back in bed with him. He didn't get dressed until 2:30 PM. When I refused, nicely, I thought, he ranted and raved,I was getting nastier every day. He was going to call his son and find out who owns this house, etc.No one wants to hear this tale, TMI they say.So I see I am not alone. An y suggestions out there????Phyllis9
Phyllis. These last few weeks have been hell for me. I read Joan's blog today, too, and like with so many of them, I can relate to just about every word, down to where each comma and period are placed. I think my DH could perform, but, he is no longer 'connected' with me. There is no intimacy any more, no connection, and it kills me. In the last few months, he has shown interest by his comments maybe 2 or 3 times, but always when the children are around, as AD is soooo wonderful for not only clearing out their ability to reason, but also their ability to have a 'filter' to know what is appropriate when. And tossing around sexual comments in front of our children (who are 3, 5, and 11 mind you) is certainly not appropriate. Is that the intimacy killer? the fact that the kids are still around? would it be different if they weren't, and we could 'act' on his desires in the middle of the afternoon? would it be different if when we went to bed and I tried to hold him like we have for the past 12 yrs of our marriage, that he actually reciprocated? or didn't give me the blank stare? I don't know. I only know, I sure wish things were different, but they are not, and never will be.
Phyllis, welcome to the group! i see you are new and so i brought another post to the top for you to read about this same topic. many of us unfortunately are or have been where you are today in the disease. its sad to lose our partners and lovers. they do become our children-toddlers-then babies if they live long enough. glad to see you jumped in and posted. looking forward to seeing your posts often! others will be along shortly to welcome you too! divvi
Phyllis, welcome to this group. You will find such good help and advice here - along with lots of hugs! Sorry you have to be on this rough road but we are all here to help each other.
Phyllis, welcome, in answer to your question. Our children are not around and it does not make a differnce. There is so much water under the bridge in the sexual aspect that I doubt that I could ever feel that way about him again. It is bad b/c I feel that this was a vital part of our marriage. But.....once AD moves in, we have to rechart our course and move with the wind. I am so sorry that you still have young children in the home, I cannot image trying to manage this disease with children in the home. Phyllis (too!!!!!!)
Phyllis, I was going through the same thing for a few weeks, about 2 months ago. It's a phase. I tried to go along, but it was not pleasant. And it's very difficult to do that when you are cleaning up after someone. (you know what I mean). anyway, it seems to have passed, because now he thinks I'm his mother, sounds awful, but this too will pass.
Phyllis, welcome back. You are not alone in this situation, as you can tell. My DH has FTD and losing interest was one of the first sypmtoms 5 yrs ago. Things have not changed. It is a lonely place to live.
Phyllis: You have come to the only place I know where people relate to each other, no matter what the subject is. I have expressed myself (to much) on this subject already, so, I won't bother the others again.
Phyllis, welcome back. This is a wonderful, caring group who absolutely understand your challenges. DH has FTD but still craves sexual intimacy and tries to initiate about 2-3 times a month. Unfortunately I am no longer interested because he is more a child (maybe teenager) than the man I married and fell in love with. Actually I'm waiting for this phase to pass (it's been going on for a year), but I'm afraid also. I think when it does pass he will no longer remember I am his wife and although I think I'm prepared for that, in truth I am not.
It is like you are in two roles and it is hard to be ready to jump in bed with someone that doesn't show you love anymore. My husband acts so much like a child for the most part and usually doesn't say anything to me. It is all about me giving and never receiving.
I went through it for over a year. Pain.......emotional pain...........and more pain. I look back now and feel that have more or less an understanding of it all now. But at the time I was going through the unwanted advances, giving in and feeling used, etc., well I felt like crap. Total crap!
I gave in to keep him happy so he would be distacted and not notice the things I had to do. Such as getting to the mail box first. At that time he still knew me. When I became just someone to have sex with I could no longer do this. Also at one point he seemed to forget what to do. I am 60 and he is 69. The last time he ask I told him I couldn't because I might get pregnent and he said "that's okay we will just raise it".
Thanx for sharing, but I am still unsettled, because my husband is so upset.One of you reported on another discussion that your LO seems fine to others, and demented at home. Well mine is remembering EVERYTHING about this issue.He wakes up and goes to sleep with only sex on his mind.His only affection toward me and response to my affectionate hugs or good morning kiss, is to grab sexual parts and croon about the wonders of them.He is able only to get a partial response from his parts, and wants to show and tell what I do for him, just by being there.Phyllis9
Phyllis, Years ago we had a Catholic 2 year college here in town with a lot of students from out of town living on campus. It was rumored that the Fathers put saltpeter in their food to take care of those urges. Wonder if their is any of that stuff still around. It was also said that one of the Priests said we have the day students, the boys from up North, and then "there are the boys from New Jersey" Phyllis I don't mean to make light of your problem because I realize how serious it is for you and I wish I had some good advise to give you. In my old age I get to remembering things and get off topic often. Maybe your doctor can help you with this problem.
Thanx,but the neuro today would not isolate this symptom from his other agitation. He said reduce Sinemet(It's for the Parkinson's) and add Seraquel.So we will see.He sees the dx as possible Lewy body dementia, as it is comorbid with Parkinson's. He says that's the dx when the delusions occur beofre the physical signs of Parkinson's.Phyllis9