I had originally planned on placing my husband in assisted living on January 8th. He has been very agitated at home lately and he was at daycare today. He even tore up one of their books. My original plan was to attend their Christmas lunch on Tuesday and then place him Wednesday through Sunday. However, after talking with the general manager today when I went to pick up my DH from daycare, I decided to place him next week. We will attend the Christmas lunch and DH will stay there.
I took my DH to see his neurologist this morning to get all his meds updated bofore his original placement date. We talked and my DH has had a much faster decline than average. In July of 2008 he was diagnosed with AD and was stage 4. He is stage 6 now. I am ready for placement because I am so exhausted and tired. I'm not sure what to feel right now. I guess I'm kind of numb.
DianneT, placement is a difficult thing, my dh declined fast also I was exhasted and frustrated, he used to keep me up all day and night with his wondering, it was the best thing I could do for him, at the time I thought I did wrong but as I reflect on why I did it , it was for the both of us, I became a much better caregiver when all the responsibilty didn`t fall on me. A fast decline is hard on him and you, hang on the rope and know we all love you. Gail
Diane by the time I decided to place my dear husband he declined so quickly I couldn't keep up. Places that I though too restrictive couldn't take him because he already needed more care than they could provide. Good luck to you, both.
Diane, you are doing the very best you know how to do for your husband. It's okay to let others do some of the hand-on work now. Letting yourself burn out won't help him. We're here for you.
I'm reading all of these placement issue threads with intense interest, Diane. Fortunately when we added Risperidone, DH calmed, and is cooperative most of the time but for all of our sakes, a daycare placement is the best option we have right now. Just to provide some socialization for DH and a time for me do errands and pick up groceries.
The plan to go to the party and then let your DH stay there sounds like a good one but I sure understand that this might seem all too fast. I'll be hoping the staff helps YOU through this as much as they help your DH feel comfortable and secure. Hang on...
Today was the last day of daycare until Mark is placed on Tuesday. Tomorrow my son-in-law will come over after work and we will move a bookcase and chair into his new room. Monday I will take his personal belongings and get them set up in his room. Tuesday, we will participate in the Christmas lunch and then I will leave. I'm still numb but I know this is best for the two of us. Thank you for all your well wishes.
Diane, I know how you must be feeling. This is all so difficult to wrap the mind around. I have been fortunate in that my DH was always pretty cooperative and never had the rages. I just couldn't physically keep managing putting him into bed and night and helping him to sit up. The staff at Clare Bridge have been wonderful. When I go to visit it seems someone is either with him or close by, and when I get ready to leave there is always someone there to take him by the hand and distract him. I placed him 15 days ago and at first was feeling very guilty and that it really wasn't time. I've come to understand that he was much farther along with the AZ than I realized. He cannot string more than 2 or 3 words together and is very unaware of things around him. I think I was just "too close to the forest to see the trees". He is much more content now and they have activities that they encourage him to participate in as much as he wants. I don't think he really knows me when I visit, but he does still feel the connection and knows I'm someone special to him. You and he will get through this, and you'll be able to see more clearly where he is in the terrible journey. I would advise that you have someone go with you Tuesday so you won't have to leave alone. That is extremely hard to walk away the first time. (I had my daughter go, and she drove home while I cried most of the way.)
Thank you gmaewok. My brother is coming over today and we will move a chair and bookcase to his new room. On Tuesday, the caregiver I've had come in on Monday's and Tuesday's for the past year will be going with me. We will attend their Christmas lunch and then we will leave. I fear that I have also been lost in the forest. I think he may be farther along that I thought as well. I've called him my velcro husband because he sticks to me like glue. The past few days, he has been just sitting and not following me as much. Although my heart breaks, I know it is in both our best interests. Thank God we have this support group. You are all wonderful.
DianeT, it's ok to be sad, it's ok to cry. Jim has been in his NH since August and many days I still shed some tears when I leave, somedays more than others. It's ok, really. We are all here with you. It's times like this when I go back to that wonderful dream of a beautiful gated community just for all of us here at Joan's Place. How terific that would be.
I'm doing ok. Thank you for asking JoAn. Last night was a difficult night but today I was pretty much pre-occupied with the kids and grandkids. I still have my moments but that is to be expected.
I spoke with the nurse and they think he has declined to the next level of care. When they assessed him a week before I placed him, he was assessed as needing level 3 care out of 5 levels (person assigned to him full time to help dress, clean, shower, etc.). They now think he needs level 4 care. He tried to leave the facility by going outside and trying to get through or over the gate. The facility has a 6 foot iron fence around various courtyards which allows residents who to go outside without getting lost. He is still having hallucinations and they believe he already needs their 4th level of care.
I know it is difficult for everyone on this board. We are all at various stages of this disease. You just suffer so many losses over the days, weeks, months and years.
Diane, what is really hard, is that when they go down they frequently go down very fast. From care stage 3 to a care stage 4 in a week is very fast. But you already knew that. It was why the placement had to happen so fast.
Diane, I keep reading this thread, trying to find the courage to place my DH...I have a new caregiver, thinking she could give him a shower, but he would have nothing to do with her, that was last week, tomorrow she will come again, I will see how it works, I was hoping I could get the right help, so I could keep him at home. He is getting harder to handle, and also gives me a hard time about takiing his Meds...I am sure that I will have to place him soon, just dreading the day. So many of you have gone down the same path, it helps reading all your expereinces...Bless us all...
Ice cream and yogurt and applesauce seem to take meds in them just fine. You can get a mortar and pestle at Bed Bath etc for about $12, smush up the pills and mix them in, and they work. He doesn't have to know! And see if the doctor can up the meds a bit. That helped with mine. But the day will come, I know...
RB13, it is hard. You marry them and we take a vow - for better or worse, in sickness and in health, etc. You want to stand by them. You know they would be there for you. However, I know that my husband definately needed to be placed because I hit my limit. I just sat down on the floor and cried and cried. He is increasing agitated and more violent. He has tried to escape 3 times so far. He broke the toilet yesterday and ended up cutting his finger and toe. He shoved the person who was getting him ready this morning - she is ok, thank God. He has started tearing up his pictures and things so they aren't working as diversions anymore. He is tearing things apart and I have to remove anything that is breakable. He is talking more in a 'word salad' now. The phychiatrist saw him and they are checking his B-12 and PSH levels (thyroid). If those aren't correct, it may be causing some of his behavior. They are also adjusting his medications because his sundowning is really bad. It has only been a week since he was placed but I am realzing that I am still taking care of him. I'm just not physically doing it.
Oh wow, this is so tough, we all have our own variations of misery. I'm just so grateful that we have each other. I'm so down, DH is looking bloated and very pale, although not complaining of anything in particular. He ate a good luch today, but he just looked different. I can't even explain it. He used to have a sort of premonition that something bad would happen and then he would have a decline. Now he can't really express how he feels. It leaves me with a knot in the pit of my stomach when I have to leave him. I sometimes wish I could just move into the NH too. Again, I so grateful that I have all of you.
DianeT- You are so right, we are still taking care of them, just not physically. At least when we are not so physically exhausted, we are in a better position to make calm, careful decisions. My husband is not the model patient a lot of days but now that I am not doing it all, it is easier to try to come up with some helpful ideas. Hope things calm down a little bit soon.
DianeT. so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with your husbands adjusting...I sometimes worry how mine will react.. Briegull: I have started putting his pill in his oatmeal (which he loves...good to the last drop).. Havent's been able to get him into the shower, everything seems to be getting harder, I am going to interview a male caregiver, will see if he will let him give him a shower...as things get harder, we get more weary...and like Diane said, we took a vow, for better or for worse, so we have that hanging over our heads...so glad that we can talk here, it does help a lot...Bless us all....