If we should have left Ohio. We left in 1990 to move to SC which was before DH was Dx'd with AD. We really don't have any CLOSE friends here but I am pretty sure my church friends would come through if I needed them. I know the friends we had in Ohio would be ready to help in a heart beat. We don't have any children and DH's only survivng sister is in ALF in Ohio and is much further along with Alz than he is. I am the only one left in my family except for neice and nephew in Scotland and England so I wonder what I will do then my DH gets worse.
I guess I have been thinking more about what is to come because of the ones who have lost their LO recently. So far DH isn't too bad but I know that can and will change any time. I just hope I can handle the changes as well as the folks here.
I pray God will bless each of us and give us the strength and courage to go on.
Jean, can you afford to move back to Ohio? Have you spoken to your friends back in Ohio to see if they would really be there. As many have testified here, when reality hits, those good friends run. There are also those who have friends that have come through. You say you 'are pretty sure' your church friends would come through if needed. Have you spoken to them, have them spend time with you and hb?
IMO, from what you posted, if you can afford it and you think you hb can handle the move, I would move back to where I know there will be support. Where at the end of the journey those friends will still be there. You are blessed to have friends for support (other than here).
I have asked DH a few times about moving back to Ohio and he doesn't want to go. I think a lot of it has to do with his sister. She was never a nice person and even more so now. Plus I don't particularly want to move there because of his sister because I would be the one handling both of them and I sure don't want to move back to snow!!!!
Right now DH isn't too bad and there is no need to have anyone stay with him yet. I think I was just feeling down because of those who have lost their LO and feeling sorry for all of us going through this.
We have a nurturing group at our church and a Stephen's Ministry. I will talk to our Pastor sometime and see if they so anything like respite care for the caregiver.
I thank you Charlotte for helping me to put things in perspective. BTW DH's sister and I were never what you would consider "good friends".
Jean, I'm not sure I would move back to be close to old friends. We lived in the same area for 50 years and when Bill started getting worse, the only ones who came around were my sisters and our kids. Bill has three brothers and a sister all living within 40 miles and we only heard from one of his brothers in the last three years. Friends and relatives just seem to vanish when the going gets rough, at least ours did and from what I've read it isn't just our friends that disappear. If you are pretty sure your church friends wil come through if needed, I'd stay where you are. I shouldn't say that I guess, you stay or go where you will feel more comfortable.
Thanks Joyce, I will probably stay put! I know sooner or later we will have to move to a place with at least one bedroom on the ground floor but DH isn't going along with that right now either! I have the condo in my name and DPOA for finances and medical so I guess I have all my ducks in a row.
Jean, I have a situation very similar to yours. I absolutely love living here in my little village in Maine. I would not move back to the city in Massachusetts for all the tea in the harbor, even though that is where all our friends and my family are. It may be tough now to find support sometimes, but I know that the future is better for the boys and myself here in Maine. This is where I want to raise them. Sometimes you have to try and look to the future when making a decision like this. It is a very personal choice. Moving to a ground floor place is a good idea, and not having to deal with snow, a grumpy SIL make it an easy choice. Hang in there girlfriend, it has been a rough couple of weeks for all of us watching our dear fellow caregivers lose their beloved spouses and it being the holiday time just makes it worse. We will survive. Remember the Ann Murray Song, "I am Woman" Hear us ROAR!
We all have to do whatever we think is best for our situation, but my experience is "you can't go home again." After you leave a place, others move in and move out, friends make new friends, etc., etc., and if we move back, it won't be the same as when we left. I've gone back just to visit places we've lived and found that to be true.
I agree with you, Zibby. It is never the same if you go back. Took me a long time to settle in in the small town we are now in. Always loved the big city we left to retire. But as we went back to visit it just wasn't the same and I finally settled in here. Now I don't think I would ever move unless it was absolutely necessary.
Jean, when trying to decide to move from Slidell, La where we had been for 16 yrs. back to Lake Charles, La. I weighted the pros and cons all the time. Should we move, when should we make this move if we did, would there really be more help in LC or was I just being hopeful? Many questions, no answers. We bit the bullet and moved while my dh could still participate to some degree. Even tho the only ones to help in LC was one bil who is a quad, and one sil with four girls, and one bil who is an alcoholic, we made the best choice. The support that we get from family is awsome. I even think that when things get worse they will be here if I call them. There is no easy answer to anything we have to do since involved in the EOAD drama. Just pray and listen for the answer. Second guessing is part of our new life with this disease so don't be too hard on yourself with whatever choice you make. You are doing the best you can. We all know that. Keep the strength and plunge ahead.
Mammie, you wrote, "Just pray and listen for the answer. Second guessing is part of our new life with this disease so don't be too hard on yourself with whatever choice you make. You are doing the best you can. We all know that. Keep the strength and plunge ahead." Good words for Jean21 and good words for me. I needed to hear that this morning. Thanks!
Jean, make a list of the pros and cons and include where you want to live when this journey is over. Then make a decision. I can tell you my situation. Eight years ago we moved to NW Fl. near our children and lived there 4 years. My DH was never happy there and wanted to move back to North Al. After moving back home in Jan. I realized something was wrong in Apr. The doctor said it was Alz. Now 4 years later I am having to handle everything by myself. I have no family here and his only living relative is older than he and is in bad health. Most of our friends have either died or in bad health. In looking at our situation the problems of selling a house and relocating is more than I can do. If I survive I will move back near the children but I do not want to own a house again and prefer to rent without the upkeep of a home. So, factor in your age and what you want the future to be.
mary75 thank you, it is so easy to help others and forget what you say when it comes to your own problems. I re-read post sometimes to gather more insite from them. You don't know how the problems from one day to the other make the post say so much more once re-read. Hope you have a great day.....