I've found a lot of helpful ideas on various sites. Ideas that helped me with various problems, etc. Anyone want to add some things that have helped you in surviving day to day?
For me:
A large white board on the wall for this week's appointments, to do's, reminders, whether they be for me or DH.
A large, locking toolbox that rolls into my kitchen closet. It holds the meds. DH has type 2 diabetes in addition to AD. One cat takes antidepressants to stop the spraying. Last Nov, after a car accident we had multiple muscle relaxants, pain meds around. DH already has a weekly pill box for pills and one for his syringes (with day of the week slots for the syringes), but sometimes takes am instead of pm, or double bedtime meds. Now, they are in one place and locked away, but easily accessible, if you know where the key is! Soon I will remove the weekly pill box and just put out a day at a time.
The driving! You know the story. DH doesn't see his problems, therefore we have no reason to stop his driving. We had a need to stop the, potential driving (see internet scam), but didn't want to upset him while legal paperwork was done. Like a lot of cars today, our car key is cut for the locks and ignition and also contains a computer chip. This key must be inserted within 10 seconds of an existing (coded) key to set the security code on the chip, or the car won't start. We had a new key cut, but not coded. When he was served with papers notifying him of the conservatorship proceedings, he left the house and tried to drive away. Key worked in lock and ignition (opened doors, turned in ignition, didn't damage anything) but car did not start. He believes we called Onstar to disable the car. We have not corrected this belief. So, he knows we took away his key to the mailbox, but he still carries a car key. If we keep the other keys locked away, it will work for us, for the time being.
The first thing I did immediately after my husband was officially diagnosed was to go to the cell phone store and look for a cell phone that could locate my husband should he get lost. I had heard so many stories of AD patients wandering off and not being found, and wanted to take precautions. At the Verizon store, I found the Chaperone phone, which will show me where he is (as long as he is wearing his cell phone - and he is not without it unless in the tub or the bed). I have been told Sprint also offers a similar service. The peace of mind this gives me is substantial. And it works. He left the house and went to the store three blocks away, and our phones let me know. His sense of direction is almost non-existent.
I have informed our neighbors and the postperson that he has AD, and one neighbor down the street has already called to let me know that my husband took the trash cans from the curb back to the side of the house BEFORE the truck came by! That was nice of her! I'm so happy to report that that was a one time occurrence!
My husband plays Spider Solitaire and Free Cell on the computer, and as his abilities declined, he began to try to delete programs from the computer (understand that he has always been computer illiterate - just knows how to open his games and his e-mail - now just games (no more e-mail because he can't put letters into words any more). At this point I bought a laptop computer so that should he crash the desktop, I wouldn't lose what I have stored on the computer nor my internet access! I have had to restore the computer three times and for a while I had to fix it almost every day when I came home from work! I've learned a lot about restoring!
We have hidden the car keys - he still has some keys, including his house key, on his key chain.
I haven't locked up the medicine - he has allowed me to give him his medicine both morning and night and doesn't try to take any on his own. I will try your way if he starts!
Please keep adding tips under this discussion - I am going to compile them into a "Caregiver Tip Section" on the left side of the website.
Tip that works best for me: If you have a spouse who is prone to temper outbursts when presented with new situations - Warn, warn, warn, in advance. I always warn Sid before we go someplace if there will be something that may upset him, and let him know I will be there to help him through it.
Several years ago when I mistakenly thought my husband was still logical, we were visiting our son near the Chesapeake Bay. My husband and I took our grandsons out to the shore to look for fossils. It was hot so my husband and 5-year-old grandson decided to go back to the car which was parked in the shade. The 7-year-old and I continued to fossil hunt for a while and then went back to the car--which was gone. The 7-year-old and I had to walk quite a way to find a phone at a ranger station. I called our cell phone which was in the car but he didn't answer. I won't go into all the story but in the end, my husband was located by a ping from Verizon, our cell phone provider. We just had a normal account. Granted I can't locate him on my own, but I'm telling you this for those of you who may need to know someday.
My husband now sleeps in our original bedroom that we had before we remodeled and added a new bedroom. He seems more comfortable there so I bought a baby monitor so that I can hear him in the middle of the night. I can hear him talking if he wakes up or if he gets up to find the bathroom. I always have to get up and get him to the bathroom as he can't find it at night even though it's 6 steps away and I leave the lights on. This last summer he was brought home about 4 times by the local Sheriff's department when he wandered away. He wears a bracelet with his name and a number engraved on it which is registered with the Sheriff's department. Right now I don't have to worry about the wandering as he refuses to go outside as he thinks it's too cold. I'm not sure what I'll do when it warms up as I don't know how I'll get him to carry a phone and he can be very "quick" slipping out the back doors.
Well, it was an interesting weekend. I had water on my kitchen floor that upon investigation came from a hole in the garbage disposal. Now, there are two sides of the sink: the one on the right does not go through the disposal, hence no leak; the one on the left has the disposal and the leak. After telling and showing my husband and saying that we could only use the right side of the sink until a plumber could get there to fix it, I had to go and stop him twice (and made him mad because he had either forgotten about the leak or he didn't understand - I'm not sure which).
My idea: I put the stopper in the left side of the sink, filled it with old towels, put a green garbage bag folded over on top of it, and put a sign saying "Left Sink Leaks" on top of that and used painting tape to put several strips across the top. It worked! He only used the right side for the rest of the day! Now I'm at work, and I still don't know when the plumber will arrive, so I'm looking forward to see whether he left it alone all day today when I get home this afternoon!
When we are traveling, every 30 seconds my husband asks where we are going. I finally resorted to drugs--for me. But we are preparing for another long road trip and I'm going to make a large sign to put on the passenger-side dash saying "We are going to Maryland to visit John."
These are all other people’s ideas, but they help me.
First, another caregiver told me that just because something is a good decision for me, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad decision for my DH. For a long time I felt like if I even took my needs into account that I was being a bad caregiver. (Time and fatigue have just about taken care of that thought.) But I needed her words to make me realize that it’s not an either-or situation. A decision that is good for me can also be good for my DH—or at least not negative.
Another caregiver told me that at some point, when you have made all the decisions and taken care of all the paperwork, that it does get somewhat easier. Not the heartache and the loneliness, but just the slog through all the legal and medical decision making that you have to do. When you finally get all that taken care of, there is a slight lightening of the load that you carry, just because some of it is taken care of. That thought kept me going while I was working through all that.
One thing I would never have thought to do is to register my DH with the police, the fire department, and the paramedics. That way if they ever have to come here for any reason, they know that someone with dementia lives here, and they will know to look for him and know that special techniques are required in dealing with him. I had nightmares about DH doing something strange and getting thrown to the ground and handcuffed because they didn’t understand why he was acting that way. Now if I’m not able to speak for DH, all these people already know our situation.
PatB, I loved your idea about the locking toolbox. We have so many meds now that I have a whole cabinet for them. The problem is that I find DH going to the cabinet and getting something by himself, which he should definitely not be doing. Since we already have the locking toolbox, it’s even free for us, which helps. Thanks for the idea.