I know you're one of our older members. I, at 74, am finding it awfully hard to physically help my husband walk, even with his walker. To get his legs up on the bed, or off the bed in the morning. Mentally, he's quite bearable much of the time, but I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with his needs physically. How do you do it?
I'm not Bama, but fully understand what you are going through, briegull. I am 72, husband is 74 and in need of so much assistance due to AD and his arthritis. The time is drawing near for him to be placed in a home and I am dreading that event tremendously. Many thanks to this board for simply having a place to vent and express feelings. Thank you Joan.
I'm not Bama either, but I think Bama is one of those very strong, southern ladies who just keeps on keeping on. God bless her and keep her. Keep the faith, Bama! We love you.
I am looking forward to any words of wisdom from dear Bama. However, I seem to recall an earlier thread where it was pretty well decided that she was rotten and bad to the bone <grin>.
I am just a stubborn, rotten old lady who still thinks she can do anything. After all, I did buy a computer and taught myself how to use it although I am still typing with one finger. I don't have any words of wisdom that can tell anyone how to survive this journey. I just get up every morning and do the best I can. Some days I think I can do this and other days I don't. DH will be 87 Sunday and I will be 82 in Feb. and I'm not ready to sit and rock. Some of these days I am going to take that cruise with you if the bikini still fits.
Hello Bama: we have much in common, I will be 81 next week, Dario is 87..I also am I Southern Italian stubborn Lady...not ready to throw in the towel...I do everything for DH..it is difficult, especially in the moring, when he won't get into the shower...or let me take out his Partial, to clean. sometimes he gives me a hard time about taking his Meds...I have a lot of patience, am trying my best..He has been having accidents with his BM...and also wetting the bed at night....We have checked out some Facilities, (my daughter and I ) I just can't picture him in that atmosphere as yet, I know the time will come, maybe sooner then I think.I pray I will be able to make this tanssition... Having this Web, means a lot to me....Thank you Joan. P..S. I do get out once a week to go bowling....did a 167 to-day...not bad for an Old Lady!!!!
i think this last generation has really good genetics! those coming into the 80's-90's age range. i also am wideeyed at all you ladies accomplish-its hard on me at times and i am late 50's and i have days i want to run off or throw in the towel:)- i take my hat off to each of you - it takes a special person to do what we do-my mom is also 90yrs young and still living a fullfilling life and her social calendar is always full. its wonderful to hear that life isnt over after medicare! big hugs to you all. keep on kicking bama!divvi
me, too, divvi. I'm not sure I'll be able to. I don't mind the poopy pants, I know he can't help it. I'm enduring a lot of echoing of what I say, and then doing nothing: Stand up please. - stand up - (repeat 3 times) BUT YOURE NOT STANDING UP!!!- I'm not standing up. - PLEASE. Put your hands here and push up so you can stand.. etc etc. But like RBOSH and BAMA, I can't see him in a facility yet, not permanently. Maybe for respite.
briegull, It took me awhile to realize that DH couldn't process what I was asking him to do. He also has a problem getting up from a chair or on and off the potty. The fun really starts if he wakes up in the middle of the night and he is not wearing his hearing aids. I am having to yell at the top of my voice and he is looking at me with that who in the h--l are you expression. The funny thing is he cannot remember how to get into the bed but he can get out in the middle of the night just fine. You say your husband will watch movies and TV. Mine has no interest in either one. He doesn't enjoy music anymore which was a big surprise to me. About all he does is follow me around and talk to "those men" in the mirror. Sometimes he likes them and sometimes he fussing with them. And so it goes.....Better keep your sense of humor is the only advise I have. Hang in there....
OK, I feel totally inadequate!!!! LOL! I'm just a baby like Divi, but I have arthritis in my knees, 4 blown discs in my back and fibromyalgia! What a wreck! I'm done in just from washing and dressing my DH. I AM ready for a rocking chair, it would be so nice to SIT STILL!!! Love you all, Susan.
As was stated above, Bama is 'rotten to the core' and recently, when she was having a hard time, several men (including me) made her some almost obscene offers to cheer her up. She is not bashful tho. Turned me down first.
I admire her and all of you ladies because I can relate to your daily tasks. I always try to thank you for your thoughts and experiences.
dean, we did roll. Hope that we do as well New Years day. Texas will be hard to beat but I learned a long time ago that whether we win or lose it doesn't make any difference in my life. But I still want to win and be National Champions. It's been awhile. PS..What Dean calls obscene offers were really quite tame......
Bama, Bill had no interest in TV for the last couple of years. The last movie he watched was Sound of Music. He watched that over and over, to the point where he was convinced that we had met in Austria, I think that's where it took place. When he was watching TV, he would become one of the characters on the screen. One day he threatened to arrest me for coming into his house "because I am a policeman, you know". At least he was always the good guy. I started censoring what shows he watched, no Burning Bed. After he stopped watching the shows we always watched, he seemed to enjoy the kids sitcoms. He especially liked Zack and Cody. The grandkids liked this phase because they could watch what they wanted and Papa would watch with them. Try the kids' shows, maybe your DH will enjoy them, too. He also saw men but to him it was "those guys" and it was very clear that he didn't like "those guys". I was able to keep them outside and convince him they couldn't get in to hurt us. One time while sitting outside the men next door were putting a new roof on and they said hi to us. Bill insisted that we had to go inside because those guys were going to hurt me. He was still protecting me even when he could hardly stand. He also saw and talked to his mother and a little boy. The little boy would act up at times and he would yell at him to stop what he was doing and go to the other room. He would ask where they went and I would have to tel him they must have left. It was always something new and I never knew what the next day would be like.
Bama-I am in awe of you and the other caregivers in your age group. I'm "only" 61, with pretty good stamina (I think) from working out regularly. This lifestyle, if you want to call it that, just knocks me out some days. Due to my husband's young age and excellent health, as well as the slow progression in his case, I may be facing many more years of this. I hope I can handle it as well as you seem to!
Marilyn, I used to comment that my "young" age was the only reason I was able to handle full time caregiving. So, along with you, I salute our more "seasoned" members. Caregiving is not for sissies...that is for sure.....
I'm 73 and my spouse is 78. Joyce, my husband used to love to watch movies, but not I don't think he can follow them. I also have switched to lighter programs. I find that he loves the Golden Girls. So far he's not incontinent, but he is beginning to lose language skills. When I ask him a question he doesn't respond correctly and says things that make absolutely no sense. I've learned to not question and just let it pass. He also can't process what I say. He has arthritis in his knees and back and so getting up and walking is becoming a problem. I fear placement is not too far down the road, but like many of you have said, I can't bear the thought. He talks a lot about his deceased mother, who, by the way, was just here. And he'll ask me when she's coming over.
I'm lacking patience many times and, Briegull, like you said I keep repeating things and each time louder and louder and, of course, he doesn't understand why I'm so frustrated.
This is so hard. I'm so grateful for all of you. These posts are so important to my struggle. Thanks to all of you.
PatL, I'm 67 and Bill was 79 when he passed. I found that my patience became longer as Bill became worse. I think it was that I could see the physical changes and that made it easier to remember that he wasn't doing these things to get on my nerves.
Language skills were always changing. When he was able to speak he went through a time when he would use the wrong word. For instance, once he told me the truck was going to fall on the house. It took me a while to realize he meant the tree was going to fall. This was a hard time because not only did I have to try to understand his words I also had to figure out what the correct word was that he was trying to say.
When I read about what you are going through and what Bill went through, I can be happy that Bill is no longer going through it.
Thank you all for the moment of fresh air and thoughts. Smiling as I read these and needed so much in this sad time of life. I am 72, husband with AD is 74. We have been going through this about 6 years and I am just about to the end of my rope. Thanks for the smile and thank you, Joan, for the forum. It helps me to exist. deanna