I thought that Kathryn was holding her own against ALZ with the help of the Aricept and Namenda until yesterday (she has been on them for a year and eight months). There were noticeable changes but they were small.
Yesterday we had to go to the attorney’s office for Kathryn to sign some papers. The attorney is a close personal friend of ours and makes him self available when ever we need him or have any questions. He set the paper in front of Kathryn and it took her about 10 minutes to sign the first time and she signed her name wrong. After about an hour or so, taking a few breaks she was finally able to sign it. She had trouble remembering the order of her name and more trouble simply writing. She was unable to remember how to make some of the letters, where to place the pen to make a letter and what direction to start the pen moving. This really upset Kathryn and she became panicked.
I am always with Kathryn when I am not at work and I have always been able to calm her with a hug or holding her hand or rubbing her back a little to reassure her everything was ok. But yesterday I could see that the panic had her in its grip and nothing was really working. It took about 30 minutes before I could help her calm down.
I would appreciate any suggestions on how to help Kathryn get past the Panic when this happens.
My wife has recently had the same kind of thing. She could not remember how to write a check. I do all the bills and she was trying to order something mail order. I am with my wife 24/7. I think just being there to calm them and reasssure them is all we can do. I would hate to medicate that. My wife has also gotten upset when I would leave to run an errand. She will forget that I told her I was leaving, or forget that I wrote it down for her and she will call me on the cellphone in a panic not knowing where I am.
Moorsb, I think our wives are about the same place in this. Kathryn has started asking me if I have to go back to work all the time now. Doesn’t matter what time or day it is. She asked me Sunday evening at 11:00pm if had to go back to work or was I done for the day. I kind of understand because I do sometimes get called in the middle of the night but it is rare. I always let my father know before leaving (he now lives with us and stays with Kathryn when I have to be elsewhere).
Do you think they are scared when they are panicked? Do you think it is because they don’t understand or because it somehow causes them to remember what is happening?
I really appreciate the input. It really does help.
Jim and Moorsb, I heard so many times that they don't know what's going on but I'm sure Bill knew at times. Why else would they have that look of fear that we see? After Bill was gone, I came across a note that he started writing; it said: "Hinny, I'm trying I'm trying to rem" I just assume he meant to write Honey but couldn't remember how to spell it and that he either couldn't spell remember or he just forgot what he was writing.
When that fear comes, put your arms around her and just keep telling her how much you love her and that you will be there to always help her. Just keep holding her.
Jim, I to have this problem with Mar, she can't do anything anymore but still gets scared all the time. I agree with Joyce, just hold her tight and reasure her you are there for her. I think I'ts all we can do.
I'm wondering if a lightweight anti-depressant might help. It has certainly helped some of us who have our own share of anxieties - just ask TJ, and now me. I've been on a small dose of zoloft (generic) for about a month. I do not sleep more. If anything, I'm more energetic than I was, and more able to cope, in general. And in general, WE don't have anyone to put their arms around us and hold us and say it'll be all right.
Fear is so strong in our LO's, it's so hard to watch. I'm convinced -- along with Richard Taylor and many others-- that it is also a major cause of troublesome behavior, when this fear can only be expressed as anger or stubbornness. I understand your reluctance to medicate, but I think it is kind to mitigate fear. Ask your doctor. In our case Risperdal has really helped and DH is calmer and happier.
Our spice do panic when they realize "That is something I should be able to do. Why can't I make my fingers and hand do what I want? What is happening?" - At every avenue, as my husband lost an ability, I just took it over. The last time he signed a document, I could tell that he wouldn't be able to sign another one. I began just using the Power of Attorney to sign for him. I watched him as he lost the ability to take out the trash, load the dishwasher, shave, brush his hair, etc.
The main thing is not to try to encourage them to do something that they can't do. That creates the panic. Just accept it, take over, and move on. It is horrible, but that is the way Alzheimer's does our loved ones.
I recently had a similar experience needing my DW to sign some legal papers and she couldn't write her name. I didn't know this before hand. However, instead of panicking when something like this happens, she just wants to walk away. Like avoidance. Then, it is very difficult to get her to try again.
I have discontinued the Exelon patch. It was obvious to me that it was doing any good. The dr just kinda acquiesed by just nodding.
Jim, I agree with Mary. I noticed my wife could not sign her name when she tried to sign an absentee ballot in 2008. She has not tried since then. I just use my POA on all documents. If she has trouble signing, then she probably has no idea what she is signing, so it should not make any difference if you use the POA. The only place the POA apparently does not work is on things like her will. Our lawyer said there should be some minor changes in hers, but since she would not understand we could not do it. Next week I will be using the POA to transfer our house and some land, in her name, to our children.
jim - so sorry your wife is having anxiety issues but i believe the others have given you excellent suggestions when it happens. my concern would be having your wife sign any document that she is obviously unable to understand and moreso that an atty would allow it to be witnessed as legal. its to your benefit for legal reasons that you do use a POA if a spouse has issues signing and understanding a doc. a document with scratched over and errors in the signatures will cause discrepancies if brought to attention and if ever challenged. just a thought for the future. divvi
I could only hold my DH as tight as possible and tell him over and over that I loved him, would always be here--try to make him feel safe. If he got too bad, 1/2 a Xanax would help in 15 minutes or so. I, too, am not fond of drugs, (have to take them anyway), but it is better to calm them down than let them suffer even more in their fear. They are not in a normal state, neither are we! With AD, one grabs at straws & uses whatever might help for the moment. Considering their current position, they won't get hooked on anything, it's the kind thing to do and you have the control. Why dismiss something that hopefully helps? It can't hurt? We know and understand, you are not alone.
Jim, hugging her and holding a hand goes a long way, but when that doesn't help anymore, one has to consider meds. I have just started to have to use Lorazepam, to quiet the agitation, constant movement, and fear (or anger) in her eyes. Not liking this next step, but you have to do what is needed in order to carry out the caregiving tasks.
divvi, I should have explained better. The papers were papers that she would normally sign. We already have the power of attorney in place and all the other paper work I have heard talked about here and I did sign the papers also but Kathryn wanted to sign too. The attorney said that she could and that is when everything happened. I was surprised when she wanted to sign also but the attorney said that would be ok. Ifigured if it was ok with him and it made her fill good to let her sign it too.
I try to include Kathryn in everything I can, even if she may not understand, if she wants to.
Timing on this website never ceases to amaze me. I just came from an 11:00 appointment with a counselor in my wife's neuro office. She told me to do the same thing that you are doing ie increase the Lorazepam.
Just think, I could have gotten the same advice here for nothing. Does verify our thinking tho.
Isn't it amazing how similar our circumstances are?
My dear Friends, Let us not forget one of our Motto's - BETTER LIVING THROUGH PHARMACOLOGY! My therapist has a plaque that says BETTER LIVING THRU DENIAL :O) May the good Lord just help us make it thru each day, one at a time, one foot in front of the other, breathing in and out. We are not alone.