I can't understand my daughter's response to learning that her dad has AD. She seems to want to ignore it or brush it under the rug, just anything so she doesn't have to talk to me about. If there are any children of AD parents here, please let me know how you felt about your parent's AD and the CG's handling of it. It may give me some insight. This place is always my best place for info like this. Thanks!
How old is your daughter? My daughter is 27 and my son is 22. My daughter wouldn't discuss it. She told me it was too hard to think about. She went through a period where she wasn't sleeping and couldn't look at her dad without crying. It took her a few months and talking to people outside of our immediate family for her to at least calm down. A wonderful person from the FTD Support Forum website offered to correspond with her through emails and that did seem to help. She also has talked to some of her cousins regarding her feelings. She still won't talk to me about it other than asking what will happen next, etc. I tell her I don't know what will happen next, there is no timeline--he will decline as time goes by. She also doesn't really spend time with her dad anymore as his behavior can be quite trying for her. They were quite close but as the FTD has changed him, to her he is not the dad she knew.
On the other hand, my son takes it step by step, as he does most things. He wants to know everything about the disease and has gone out of his way to have contact with his dad. It's difficult now that he is out of the country until at least next June. My husband misses him and loves to look at pictures of him.
If she won't talk to you about it, maybe she is worried what you will think of her. Is there someone else she trusts that she would talk to? It did help my daughter.
In all honesty, it was me telling my Mom, and other family members for a few years that I suspected my Dad had AD. Mom didn't understand AD at all. She heard the words "senile" and "confused" but not "Alzheimer's." Once she understood a little more about it she began to think it likely too. But she didn't really know how to talk to their PCP about it. I helped her broach the subject with their Dr. when I took her to one of her own appts. We got the ball rolling on getting Dad in to see a neurologist at the same medical clinic, and the PCP had sent over a report on his observations ahead of time. Once Mom spoke with the Dr. and heard it (AD) from his own mouth then she completely believed he had AD.
My mother is in the very early stages of Alzheimers and my sisters, while seeing there is a problem, expect it to just be memory issues. I notice that if she had a spouse still the spouse would think there are big problems, but since she lives alone she can pass as managing ok at this stage.
My grandmother went into Alzheimers when I was in my early 20s, died when I was 36. My mother managed her care and didn't try to involve us, and I was certainly happy not to be involved. In the early stages my grandmother was verbally abusive to my youngest sister and looking back it bothers me that my mother didn't do more to protect my sister. As the disease progressed I did visit my grandmother (who stayed at home with 24 hour help) when I was at my mother's house next door and I remember being uncomfortable but not miserable. I avoided attaching a lot of emotional significance to it all and I didn't have to do anything messy.