this is so painful. he thinks I'm his mother no matter what I do, and he's pleading with me for Chris. did she leave me? he asks, Why did she leave me? and he calls me mom. and he's really in pain concerning this. he's worse than he's ever been. My heart is breaking for him. I wish he didn't remember me at all, and I was just his mother, and that was that. At least he wouldn't be looking for me.
Chris, he remembers you at the year he is mentally at.......not the Chris of 2009!!! Can you bring out pictures of when you were married to show him and then show him annual pictures so he can see you growing older together, and then stand with him by your side in front of a mirror?
I've been told that they don't gain the knowledge back, and that some people have to just say each day that they've gone to the store and they'll be back later, and redirect them to something else to get their minds on another topic.
It is hard and it will get harder. Wait until they can't speak and tell you what they are thinking and you can no longer guess correctly. The frustration and sadness of no communication is almost unbearable. This disease is so hard on all of us.....
well, we are staying at my daughters right now, until after Christmas. He seems comfortable here, with the kids and all, gives him something else to think about, and he actually seems more comfortable with me now. who knows. Anyway, ,merry christmas and happy holidays to all.
We spent several days with my DD and family. over Christmas, then home, then over New years. It was a very bad time and I needed extra people around. On our way hime yesterday, he suddenly knew who I was, and began arguing about driving. He wanted to drive. I explained he didn't have his glasses or his license with him, and he was angry. Anyway, we got home and suddenly, I was his wonderful wife, all night. Loving sweet, hugging the dog, me, ready to go into bed at 10, took his pills, I explained that we have an appt today with the neuro. he said he would bathe and shave, then he woke in the middle of the night with a dream but he still knew who I was. Don’t know what to expect for today. I wonder can I ask him who I am, to start the day off (lol). We watched drain the ocean last night on nat geo and he was entranced, like he used to be. Just unbelievable. We had soup and cheese and crackers for dinner, then he finished an entire rice pudding, and kept telling me how delicious dinner was. All righty then . this was the first time in 2 weeks that he knew who I was.
Chris, I'm glad he seemed better last night. Of course it could be a mixed blessing. Please let us know how things go at the neurologist today. I hope DH isn't able to mask how bad he's been so that the neuro doesn't take your concerns seriously. At the same time, I hope his recognition of you and his good mood continue. Sometimes it really is difficult to know what to wish for.
Oh my goodness, he did so badly at the neuro today. and she asked him who I was, and he told her, my mother. Are you sure,? yes, she's my mother. And all the way home he talked about calling Chris to tell her how he did. i don't know if I did the right thing, but when I went to get his perscriptions, I called on the cell phone and left a message. He doesn't answer the phone so I knew it would be recorded, but ... i just don't know what's right in this case. At least when he hears it, he'll be happy.
actually, he said to me, that's you on the phone.... So all I said was, It's Chris. but I'll not do that again, he seemed really confused by it. Now he's in bed. today he showered and shaved for the first time in 2 weeks, maybe more. i couldn't get him in the shower for christmas either.
DH went through periods of knowing and not knowing me. At times I was his mother, also. What seemed strange to me was that there were times he would know me and would say he was glad we got back together that he didn't know why we ever seperated. We were never seperated in the 47 years of marriage. Was it the periods he didn't know me that he thought we were seperated?
On a trip to San Francisco, he became restless one night and I ask if he would like to lay with me in my bed. He seemed quite happy to crawl in with me. As we layed close, how else can two people lay in a twin bed?, me feeling very good having him next to me. We talked for a short time and it seemed like old times then out of the blue he ask if I thought his wife would mind us being together. I talked to him about his wife and ask if she was a good wife, hoping for a good report. He told me she was a great wife and mother. Made me feel good that he remembered me that way. He was still concerned about his wife the next morning but was content to be with me.
As hard as this is for us, just imagine how hard it is for them.
Oh Joyce, thank you. it is up and down, he wakes up and recognizes me, and is so happy to see me, then he dozes off, and doesn't know me when he wakes, and is so upset because he doesn't know where his wife is. I wish he'd forget about chris and just be happy with his mother. (well not really), anyway, this is so up and down, like Folly said, I'm getting exhausted. I'm off with him to my daughter's again, for the weekend. he seems calmer there.
Last night he suddenly woke up, around midnight, knew who I was, and wanted me to help him get his driver's license back. Oh Gosh, I hope the driving issue is not rearing it's ugly head again. I thought that was settled. then I found him on the sofa this morning and he didn't know why he was sleeping there. I'm getting exhausted.
Chris ....... you're not alone with this issue. My husband no longer knows who I am either and keeps referring to me as his mother, calling me *mommie* at times. Other times I've asked him who I am and he just looks vacant and says "I don't know" but what is funny, in my mind anyway, he's quite happy to have this person, who he doesn't know who she is, do all his very personal care etc.
My husband is very confused and somewhat disoriented – often asks me where he is going to sleep. The other day he saw an address label on a magazine and wondered who it was. I told him that is my name and he looked totally shocked and said *I didn’t know that* so I explained again (for at least the 1000 time) that I am his wife and he is my husband and we have been married a very long time ...... again he said, shaking his head in amazement, *I didn’t know that at all* - this is just so darned sad but, the upside is, he seems to be really quite excited to learn who I am – at least for the moment anyway ... LoL !!!!!
The other day he noticed an 8 x 10 framed photograph of himself, in uniform, on our dresser and asked me who that was. I told him it was him and he was a Police Officer – he was just incredulous and couldn’t believe it. I made up my mind a long time ago that I wasn’t going to let it bother me that he didn’t remember me or know me ‘cuz I’m sure, deep down somewhere, in his heart, he remembers.
So dear Chris, keep your chin up, you’re dear husband really does know who you are ...... he’s just temporarily misplaced you in his ‘upstairs library’ :)
Bar-bra, I loved your post. Yes, I think they know we are going to take good care of them. It's funny he usually knows who I am in the morning. I can tell by the look on his face when he doesn't know me.
Bar-bra, DH didn't know me and when I'd tell him we were married he would always say "We are? That's good" I think they know us somewhere deep inside. DH very seldom said anything but four days before he died I walked into the room and he looked at me and said "I love you more". That was always our response when the other one said I love you. He knows you Chris, somewhere in there, he knows you.
Thank you. I know you are right and he knows me, in some way. And really, I dont care who he thinks I am. What bothers me is when he gets really upset because he doesn't know where I am (and I'm right there). I tell him she;'s at the store, or whatever, and left me there, but he's also become paranoid and doesn't believe me. thinks I'm a liar. Only trusts my daughter to tell the truth. He soemtimes calls her several times in a day, just to check. Somehow, when we get here (to my daughters,) he knows who I am, or at least He's comfortable, and doesn't think anyone is against him. It is terribly sad. People who haven't lived with it, just have no idea. Even we who were living with it, on a lesser scale, had no idea what was really coming. In our brain we know, but not in our hearts. The pain he is in, because of his loss of memory (and everything that goes along with it) is overwhelming.
Oh Chris, just logged on and I couldn't help but both smile and still feel sorry for you at the same time..reading at the postings.
Foster called me by his 1st wife's name during an earlier stage, but in the end, he knew me again. He never called me Mommy or Mom...but thought his late sister was his mother. She did look like their mother..with snow white hair.
I always roll-played with Foster. Wherever he was, (in his mind) I played along. He sometimes thought he was back in college and was going to meet with the guys (by name) who were his friends back in the late 40's and early 50's. He had so much fun with them in his mind, who was I to tell him he was 'dreaming'. (Our word for hallucinating).
Frankly, I enjoyed their time together too...gave me some time off! grin. If any of your children had imaginary friends..it's just the same. Just don't let them climb trees. My daughter's imaginary friend would MAKE her climb way up high in our backyard tree and then she couldn't get back down.
Hmmmmm......yesterday I walked into the room to see my H standing behind his caregiver gal and kissing her on the neck. She handled it very nicely without being mean or reactive but I'm wondering how I should feel about it. I guess it's just another blow from the AD monster.
jules, that is part of AD. When my husband was in the first facility, there was a woman chasing him. They were together constantly. I was happy that he had someone to talk with all day and that he enjoyed her company. I had heard that this sometimes happened so was somwhat prepared. He was happy so as far as I was concerned, it was alright for them to talk with each other. I was a bit shocked one day when she came up to me and asked me if it was okay if she kissed him sometimes.
She had a stroke and ended up in the hospital for a while and was sent to rehab. My husband started his downard slide shortly after that. I think that her being there kept him engaged and that he actually missed the attention when she wasn't there any longer.
Therrja, did you see the movie "Away from her"? Quite a lot like your experience. Based on a very good short story by ALice Munro.
We were out today to a New year's reception and then to visit an elderly lady, old friend who is part of the organization but had not wanted to come to the reception because the weather was so nasty. So we had been away from home for several hours. When we left her house I told dh that I needed to just pick up a couple groceries on the way home and he said no, he didn't want to do that, because his wife had been home alone since early this morning. So I said, "Oh, I'm your wife, and I'm right here with you" and he looked at me and said, "Oh, are you, why didn't you tell me?" Then he was OK with getting the groceries. Later when we were at home he asked me again why I hadn't told him earlier that I was his wife and I said "You didn't ask me." Even when his brother and my SIL dropped in he told them the story: that I had neglected to tell him I was married to him. They are very good and joked around about living in sin and then we all looked at our wedding pictures and talked about old times. She and I wore the same wedding dress.
Good morning all. Well, my night was not restful. DH started ranting and raving. banging the bed over and over with his fist, then banging on the night table. Why? Because his wife had left without telling him while he dozed. he was so happy when I came back from the alz support group. My son stayed with him, and when he heard me come in, he told dick, here's your honey. his face lit up, he kissed me and held my hand, and he was wonderful, telling me about his lunch with my son. then all of a sudden this. Well, I had had it. I yelled back, your mother is dead, I am your wife. Maybe not the best thing to do. Certainly, speaking alzheimers says enter thier world. Well, finally, I got up and went to the kitchen to have tea. 1/2 hour later he came out, asking why he had gotten upset. what had angered him. and knowing who I was. I don't know that this will last, but this morning he greeted me with Hi Honey, so, we'll see. As I have said, I really don't care who he thinks I am, as long and he's not in distress. but when he thinks I'm not there, he is certainly distressed.
This is so hard chris r. I think I finally accepted the fact that DH had no idea who I was, bit it still hurt. I think everyone here has lost it and yelled back at one time or another. I remember one time when he was angry and told me he was going to knock me on my a$$, I just looked at him and told him he would have to stand up to do that. He was in the wheelchair all the time at that point. All he said was "I guess so" He never told me he was going to knock me down again.
I would say I didn't care if he knew who I was as long as he felt safe and liked me. I think he did both of those so I am thankful for that. I hope DH and you both have a good day.
I think there is a possibility that some of this is due to dreaming; when they wake up they are confused and don't know who we are. For mine, it always seems to be first thing in the morning when he doesn't know who I am. Later in the day, he does. But if he dozes off, the problem comes again.
Actually it's worse than that. yes, it happens when he first wakes, but it doesn't go away. today for example, he refused to go to the sr center. (day care). the social worker even called to speak to him, but he was having none of it. refused to get on the phone. He is in a depression because he can't see his wife. She's not living with him. Of course this is fictitions, I am right here and I am living with him, but he thinks I'm his mother. he is truly depressed over it, even though I keep saying what they say to say, like she's at work, or the store, or whatever. I told him she would be here when he returned from the sr center (day care) but he said he was too tired to go. Yesterday, I had had it, so I just told him it was me. Of course, I am a liar, and no good, and a terrible mother. even though I told him his mother is dead, 20 yrs. I'm at my wits end.
My husband and I have been together 26 years and so far he has only "forgotten" me a handful of times. Early on, I realized that this might happen so have made a point of dressing similarly when I see him and wearing my hair "the way I always wore it" without making changes. As I usually wear skirts and dresses, I am normally in a skirt or dress when I go see him. I truly don't know if these helped or worked but I do know that they can't hurt.
They are so convinced that the world really is as they see it, that it is hard to convince them otherwise. You have done very well, dealing with this and caring for him. ((hugs))
Chris: I just caught up with this info and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Probably all of us can agree that we are 'at our wits end'. I know that I certainly can. My DW is now looking for and wanting to call her Mother and other dead relatives and this is new to us. If all she wants to do is call, I can usually just put it off for a little while and she will forget. When she says that her Mother called today, I ask how she is and what they talked about. You ought to hear some of the stories. People w/out this disease would think that they are ridiculous and they would be right, but, I just enter into the conversation and let it go whereever it will. I'm glad stranger don't over hear what we are discussing sometimes because the talk is way out there.
On the seroquel, we are now taking 100m morning and night. The dr said that we might have to increase it to 300m, ie one at noontime. Thast is a lot and I am well aware of the dangers of this drug, but, I will agree to it if thats what it takes. That is better than the alternative (living in unbearable conditions).
Only one good thing, when my DW has a blowup like you described, she often forgets that it happened and I can pretend that it never did. Not easy to do tho.
Yesterday, I told him when I went out that chris would be home by 4. (I was his mother at that time) I went to the store and came home at 3:45. He was so happy to see me, told me how much he missed me, etc. all evening he knew who I was, today, he broke a tooth. I took him to the dentist, then we went to the mall and had a nice late lunch at the food court, and back to the car to go home. Now during the day he had asked for his mother, I told him she went home and went on a trip with the senior citizen to fl. He seemed to accept that, happy that she was involved…. Anyway, halfway home, boom, I’m his mother again, I tell you, I can’t tell the players without a scorecard. When i tried, BTW to tell him I was chris, he satme down to have a serious talk, told me he doesn't know what's wrong with me, and why I keep insisting that I'm his wife, but it's sick. Al righty then, I think I’ll be chris tomorrow, because I told him chris would pick him up at 'sr citizens," but who knows. I'm getting a headache.
Chris, you 'merry-go-round' reminds me of my mom when she was still living alone and we had no idea what was going on. The joke between my siblings had become 'who would she be angry with this time?' There are 7 of us, so she always had a good choice. We never knew if it was the one visiting or a sibling that was absolutely horrible and ungrateful. At least you only have two choices to be: wife or mother. Be thankful there isn't an ex-wife.
There was someone last year that had a 'twin' who was the bad one and got blamed for everything while she was the good. Can't remember who that was?
It's so funny, charlotte , that you say that. there is an ex wife, but so far, I'm not her. For the last 2 weeks I've been chris, altho I'm afraid to wake him in the morning. because i just don't know. When I brought him to his day care, I call it sr. citizens, 2 weeks ago, I specifically said his wife Chris, will pick him up. the director looks at me oddly, but said OK. When I arrived, she pulled me into her office, to apologize, she thought I was his wife Chris. yes, i am, but he thinks I'm his mother right now, so I'm hoping by saying his wife is picking him up, he'll recognize me. that was 2 weeks ago today. Well, we'll se when they drop him off. He's taking the bus home, but I take him in the morning, because he's a late sleeper, so he can't get going by 8:30. i'm lucky to get him out of the house by 10:30.
I THINK SHE STILL KNOWS ME? My DW just sits a lot, gets up once in awhile, I think to check on me (does not shadow) and then goes back to sitting on the sofa. I was feeling bad for ignoring her, so I sat down near her and tried to make some small talk (weather etc.) and she threw me for a loop when she asked “where do you live?” I said “I live here with you, I’m your husband.” No response to what I said, she seemed puzzled though. She been very mellow and easy to get along with since she started taking Abilify last August and seems completely comfortable with me and it’s not like she doesn’t know me. I thought I would be ready for this, but I’m not!