My husband is early stage Lewy Body Dementia (and not particularly difficult). But he is responsible for his 98 year old aunt, who lives in an assisted living in our town because he is her only relative. She is quite competent but has been complaining of a lot of pain--went to the hospital early Thanksgiving morning and to urgent care yesterday but they don't find anything broken. The doctor decided she has to be moved to the associated nursing home, which she has been in temporarily and hates. Yesterday afternoon I spent arranging 24 hour care for her until they can take her, which was supposed to be today. This morning she is trying to find a way to avoid it. DH was doing ok with going and helping her with little things, but he is having trouble dealing with this emotionally.
Meanwhile we just moved (after the difficult process of house renovations) and are still unpacking. Our 19 year old son is probably flunking out of college. It is a busy week for me at work--I should be grading papers now. But I'm at the end of my rope. I've sent out a bunch of calls for help but there isn't much anyone can do except listen to me vent.
Pam, we can at least do that here. We can also keep you in our thoughts and toss you a good long length of rope with some sturdy knots in it. Hang on tight. One thing we know for sure. Things always change.
DH and I just had a good conversation about the alternative of his aunt going to the hospice house instead of the nursing home she hates. He said he would make several phone calls to explore that option. And then he called me back a few minutes later to ask if I have ordered more cocoa powder, because if I hadn't he wants to order more for his morning smoothies.
What I try to tell myself at times like this is that if I don't do it myself it won't get done right, but that is ok.
Yes, we can listen and keep you in our thoughts. Time passes, things change, if not for the better, it gives one time to plan and deal w/eventualities. May this day be better for you.
Pam, what a lot you have to deal with! And I can sympathize that it's all happening now. When I was a faculty member I always resented that the end of the semester came right before Christmas. It's so time-consuming to deal with all the grading, writing exams (if you have to do that), grading those exams, and calculating final grades - not to mention the students who are upset about those grades! Adding all of that to the family issues must seem like the last straw. All I can say is hang in there! At least the end-of-the-semester stuff will be over soon. I hope DH's aunt decides to cooperate with you and the doctor.
John keeps getting focused on the idea that we need to get her tested to see if her pain is due to cancer. I keep trying to tell him that if her doctor is willing to qualify her for hospice without that then there is no need to know. He did hear back from her doctor that he saw hospice as an idea worth exploring. The facility wants to move her to the nursing home today in any case. The idea of her staying in her apartment with 24 hour care until she can be evaluated would be trying to stop a course that already has a lot of momentum. But it would make her a lot happier.
Pamsc, it may be easier on you for the time being if Auntie stays in the associated nursing home that is attached to the Assisted Living Facility. They will know her and have her records. Later, in the New Year when you have more time and energy, you can push for the Hospice if everyone agrees then that it would be better. In the meantime, she might settle in quite nicely at the associated nursing home.
I got some interesting advice from someone in a group I am in--to find one friend to be my support person for each part of the overwhelming load. I've asked one friend to help me get back to bicycling, and I'm going to contact another person who might be able to help me think through my son's situation.
Pamsc- One of the things I did a few years ago was to recruit "helpers", who had offered to help. When they asked what they could do to help, my response was to take care of the caregiver. I told them specifically that their greatest help would be to keep me in line, and step in when they felt I needed it. I gave them the responsibility to watch over me, and to interfere if they felt I was losing it. So far, it has helped me trememdously, because I am getting the help I really need, and none of what I do not need......
phranque like you I have a very dear friends who told me I was going over the edge. As depression is not always recognized by the sufferer it is a good grounding experience. What would we do without good and non judgemental friends.