I met a handicapped man a few days ago at Sam's Club. He was in a wheelchair. His right hand was useless; he could use his right hand some, but it was also very handicapped. His legs looked black. He had trouble looking straight up at me. I got the impression that he might have ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), but I don't know. He wheeled his chair close to where I and my DH were sitting, asked if he could sit at the end of our table. "Of course," I told him. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, and saw that he was having trouble handling and eating his two pieces of pizza. He could barely function. I asked him if he'd like me to cut them up for him, and he said yes. During our time together there at that table, he gave me a God's blessing, complimented me on my "compassion," and most noteworthy, said about himself, "I'm in God's waiting room." What a profound statement. I know God brought me this dear man, and I am still searching for why He did that. It has to be to give me a message of some kind. When we got ready to leave, I went to him (Manny is his name), hugged him, and said, "I will never forget you. God bless you. I love you." I think he is an Angel, sent to me.
Hanging On, what a wonderful experience and yes, I do believe we find Angels in unexpected places. You, too, were an Angel sent to Manny that day. Who knows what he was going through that day and how much your kindness meant to him. Thank you, for sharing this post with us.
I'll have to agree with you that Manny is an Angel sent by God to perhaps comfort you or encourage you. Those Angels are all over the place--we just don't stop to look and to recognize them. You were the smart one. You showed your compassion and the Angel showed himself to you. Blessings to you and your DH. Also, to Manny. "I'm in God's waiting room." What a beautiful statement.
Hangingon, Did you think that Manny was short for Emmanuel and that means "God with us". So just maybe God was letting you know he is with you and you DH!
Just a small jesture, but worthy of mentioning. Today we had a hotdog and salad lunch at church. As I was trying to fill 2 paper plates , one for me and one for my wife, one of the teen-age girls offered to help with my wife's food. This is a girl I have had very little interaction with in the past.
Oh, gosh, I just know that God had his hand in bringing Manny and me together. Jean21, I think you had a good thought that maybe this was what it was, Manny being short for Emmanuel, ie, God with us. I know God answers my prayers, in His own way, not in my way. And in His timing, not mine. So His telling me through Manny that He's with me is reassuring.
I'm glad that so many of you all have found this story endearing. This man was a gentle soul. What a blessing, to have met him and to have been able to interact with this angel. It really jumped out at me, when he said, "I am in God's waiting room." What an unusual statement.
So heartwarming to see this thread. It's wonderful!
Yesterday I was in Walmart near my work (Walmart by work is SO much nicer than ours, worth the drive on a day off). I overheard an associate ask an older gentleman if she could help him. He said "I'm just waiting for her. She told me to wait." The childlike sound from this older man gripped me. This mans stature, and his mannerisms just hit me between the eyes. I saw another human body who acted and sounded just like my husband. He smiled yet looked frightened every time a passing associate asked him if he needed help finding something...or somebody. I felt tied to this man, and couldn't leave the area until I knew he was safe. He stood holding onto the metal post at the end of the isle as if holding on for dear life. I didn't want to make him more fearful, but I also could not break away. I crept around pushing my cart, pretending to shop, because I just couldn't let him out of my sight. He'd hold that post and look around, nervously. He'd turn a little and let go while looking out for his LO, but would immediately grab back onto that post. I couldn't move away, because if he went toward the door I was gonna have to go after him. I was so afraid for him being lost. Eventually, he caught a glimpse of a woman coming from the end of the isle. She had been in the bathroom, and she gently told him he was supposed to wait nearer, but I guess he went a little too far. He seemed so afraid like a small child, and you know....I felt such sadness to *know* his fear, and felt overwhelming compassion toward him.
I know God puts people in our path for reasons we may not understand...at least not right away. The incident left me feeling blue for quite some time. I was feeling guilt and sadness because I remember too many instances of lost patience, and grumblings when my DH didn't stay put when I told him to. And too many times I felt angry and frustrated that instead of a husband I had a Toddler in his body that I had to spend my life looking out for.
I'll tell you what...this sure made me miss my DH a whole lot more. It took me until today to shake off those "me" feelings and realize just how much my DH was suffering. Perhaps that was the message meant for me. To think more about what he went through, and remember that he couldn't help what was happening to him. And perhaps even to give thanks that he no longer has to fear anything at all.
New Realm, another beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this with us.I try to keep telling myself that DH can't help whatever it is that frustrates me at the moment - and I try to imagine how frustrating it must be for him.
That was so touching, New Realm. You have a great heart. Thanks so much for telling us about this man. I can just feel his fear. And you were there to help him, should he need it.
I spent some time between yesterday and today wondering why God would put something like that in my day. It only caused me to have sense of sadness (and guilt) for a time. Once I read your exquisite story I think it also sent a message to me. I think your Angelic encounter, in all of its beauty, sent me a message to find the positive meanings--- of why the man in Walmart affected me the way he did.
Hangaing on..and New Realm. two beautiful stories...I do believe that Angels appear, when we least expect them....It was strange, Hangingon, that a man, so unable to take care of himself, was alone, it does make you wonder...You did a beautiful act helping him...God Bless you...Hugs.Rosalie
I've been having a little pity party today because I can no longer go places and do things like some of my friends. This thread sure gave me a good dose of humility and shame for feeling that way. Hanging on and New Realm, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. My Dad used to quote a poem about complaining about not having shoes until I saw a man with no feet . I can't remember the rest of it. Does anyone know what it is?
Yes, thank you both, Hangingon and New Realm. Dazed, my dad also used to admonish us with what Google says is an Indian proverb, “I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet.”
. once, when my feet were bare, and I had not the means of obtaining shoes. I came to the chief of Kufah in a state of much dejection, and saw there a man who had no feet. I returned thanks to God and acknowledged his mercies, and endured my want of shoes with patience . . ." : --- Sadi : The Gulistan, Story 19
Here's another warm story. It's an e-mail sent to me by my daughter. (By the way, my husband is her stepfather. His children visit infrequently.)
Dear Mum,
Just a reminder that I’m seeing Eric tonight for dinner, it being Friday, so in case that helps!
I was very touched on Wednesday. Eric spoke for several minutes about how much our care and caring meant to him: that it lifted his spirits, made him feel loved and valued, and made him feel that he was worth visiting.
Hanging On, and New Realm*, I'm usually not a real emotional person but both your stories moved me a great deal. They both put things in better perspective and made me more grateful for what we have. Thank you both for sharing.
The man who had no shoes had not been a caregiver 24/7. Anyone who is a caregiver 24/7 does not need a dose of humility! Humility can't handle 24/7, he would have left the building.
Thanks to all of you nice people. You post things when I seem to need them most. These are beautiful and inspiring thoughts.
Thanks to 'Hanging On' for starting this thread. I love your name and the thought you presented. They both helped me. Now, I will go to bed a little bit more content.
Hanging on and New Realm - Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful stories. Both hit home for me. I've been so impatient and feeling sorry for myself lately. I've been beating up on myself and wondering why I can't be a nicer person. I truly believe Manny was an angel and I truly believe God put that man from Walmart in your path for a reason. Look how many of us you have reached with these powerful stories. I think this was God's way of telling us that he feels our pain and realizes the heavy stress we live with day after day.
My heart has been touched and I feel renewed strength to go on and try to care for my spouse, not only responsibly, by warmly and lovingly. I guess I'm scared because I know it's not going to get an easier, but only harder down the road. I guess the answer is to take one day at a time and to hang on to the thought that God is walking with me during this journey.
Hi, Pat. Thank you for asking. I'm doing pretty well today; mostly trying to keep busy so I don't think about Thursday as much. And I'm actually enjoying this last while with dh home. I'm spending a lot of time with him.
Thanks for answering Gmaewok. My heart goes out to you. I know before too long I'll be facing the same situation. Enjoy your time at home with him. Just remember, you are not doing this to him. Circumstances are. You have done all you could for a long time. Now, the special care he needs has to be given by professionals. One step at a time, right?
"Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings"...... Quote taken from an e-mail I received this morning. May we all be blessed with good things today.
Over the last few weeks of reading some of the post about other caregivers losing their spouse, I have had a very hard time coping. My dh is having worse memory everday. What he seemed to know yesterday, he has forgotten by the days end. The post and the way things are progressing so fast with these other caregivers LO has me scared to death. I really needed to hear some of the above post. It is so nice to have somewhere to come to for a blessing. These post here today have been a blessing to me. The stories mentioned are great and each of you are even greater for taking time to share them with each of us. Thanks for the post and for listening. God Bless and Keep all of you,
Bless you, Mammie. Sorry that you're having such a hard time.
But perhaps you're being too pessimistic. Rapidly declining memory does not necessarily mean that your dh is nearing his end. Many of us have experienced these rapid declines, that are then followed by a more tranquil, steadier period.
Mammie - my husband is still considered in the mild stages. He has had short term memory loss for a couple years now. He rarely remembers from minute to minute. He watches his football and hockey games and doesn't remember what happened earlier. Yet, occasionally later in the day her remembers some things. He forgets the cute things the little grandkids do and say which is really sad cause he laughs when it happens. Only when something is repeated over and over is there hope he will remember. Last night he was getting ready for today (he volunteers at our church) and kept forgetting he had already made his lunch. He kept wanting to make another sandwich.
Yes JeanetteB sometimes I see some physical decline. In his walking, the gait and the balance. He tires easier and seems so spaced out a lot of the time. He does not participate in conversation much except for simple phrases which he gets wrong most of the time. He still has a beautiful sense of humor but seems so expressionless most of the time. Things don't seem to phase him unless he is noticing himself not being able to do things. The memory loss has been going on for appr. 3 years now and with the decline being so rapid it has just scared me. I say I am ready for the things that are happening but as I see more things happening I know that I am far from ready. If we can really ever be ready to lose the love of our lives.
My DH is never hungry anymore and he used to be such a good eater. He's at around 150lbs now, from a high of 190. 190 was too much, 150 is not enough, but I feel whatever he eats is at least a calorie. Puddings, ice cream, cake, never aything green. He will drink an ensure occasionally, but basically he goes all day without eating. As Mammie expressed, he's getting weaker, and has difficulty standing. balance is not good. I think the body knows what it needs to do, as far as eating and sleeping. he sleeps a lot, doesn't know what else to do. It's truly a sad disease. Most of the time he doesn't seem to know me, thinks I'm his mother, of course, but unfortunately, he remembers me, and keeps asking for me. and he's not so far gone that he doesn't catch me in lies when I try to tell him Chris is shopping or whatever. Then he gets angry, and yells. We have spent the weekend at our daughters homewhere he seems to be comfortable. today we return home, so we'll see what happens. It was so bad Thursday that my daughter came up and took him to her house. I got there much later, as if I were somewhere else. Who knows what will happen when we get home.
Your poor dh, Chris, it must be awful to be so confused and to feel thwarted at every turn. It's hard for us and must be terrible for them. Maybe being at your daughter's was a clearer situation for him and for a while relieved for him the stress of not knowing whether the house he was in was home or not, whether Chris was Chris or not . . . Wish I had some good advice for you, hang in there, be kind to him and to yourself.