Joan, I feel for you. I've been going through the exact same thing. DH can stay alone during the day, but not at night and we have no relatives here and no one to stay with him. I need to see my 91 year old mother who is in a nursing home in FL where my sister is her advocate. I need to see my son who is awaiting transplants of pancreas and kidneys and he's in Ft Lauderdale. I'm in KY. No way to do any of it. DH can't travel at all anymore. Between a rock and a hard place. I have a great son, mother and sister who tell me they understand and for me not to worry. But I do worry. However, DH has to be my first priority and that's just the way it is.
Thank you. My stepmother, who is 10 years YOUNGER than my 91 year old father, had a major stroke. My stepbrother and sister in law are run ragged between the hospital, and trying to see to my father's needs. It's not fair for it to be all on their shoulders, but thank goodness my sister was able to fly to RI. She is taking my father back and forth to the hospital, and staying with him as much as possible. He is in Assisted Living, so when she is not with him, he is looked after.
I want to be up there with them, but I can't right now. You are right - "my husband is my first priority, and that's just the way it is."
joang-- At least you know what they are dealing with. They know you would be there in person if you could. You can at least be there for them if they need in put on handlibng things. You know a lot on who to talk to, who to go to, who to call. Even if you can't be there, you can be a listening ear, and a resource for them.