My DH and I went to a resturaunt yesterday and there wasa a man smoking at the counter. (My DH HATES smoking). Hubby went up to the guy and grabbed his cigs and lighter and began loudly attacking the guy verbally. The guy wanted the manager to call the cops and in the end that didn't happen. I didn't know what to do without getting DH mad at me. It's like he enjoys harassing people in public acting like he can tell everyone else how to be. I am worried that the next time someone will hit or punch him and since he has macular degeneration also, he will not see it coming. I have even told this to him to no avail. Why is he doing this and is there anything he could take or that I could do better to stop him harrassing random people for doing something HE THINKS is wrong? Gypsy2
I would definitely talk to his doctor about medication as soon as possible. Also, I have a card that I discretely lay out on the table or counter stating that my dh has AD and to please be patient. That might help to at least defuse the other person if they realize the problem. Just a thought.
Gypsy, he is losing his inhibitions and no amount of reasoning or trying to get him to not do something will help. Your best bet is to follow the advice above and talk to his doctor about a med change. The AD card is also a good thing to carry. I, on more than one occasion, had to explain to someone that my husband was not just being an a@@hole, he was suffering a brain disorder.
My LO thinks he's a charming "Social Butterfly"; but in fact acts more like Gypsy2's DH. Harrassing people loudly is okay. He also does uninhibited Rough Language with children and toddlers around. Complains about people's dress, tatoos, weight loudly and rudely. And worse... So I leave him home. I prepare meals at home and do drive thru's when I want a treat. Walmart is a quick direct trip if I must bring him. Outtings are consistantly awful; so why do them? It is just a normal (and miserable) part of the disease... I think... PS. And when I do make a solo escape to town it feels like a vacation! I am one big smile...
I think i would also be selective about taking DH into public with the known outbursts and temper. AD cards or not, if he injures or strikes an innocent he would more than likely be carted to jail then you'd have to prove with a medical dr before a judge that he is ill- and pay fines and everthing else associated with all that. and thats if a judge didnt send him to a locked unit to boot if he was not in control when taken into custody. none of us want that of course-
i say this because once my DH- mild mannered man that he was prior AD=got into a very aggressive manor with a security guard while getting on an airline once. they called airport police and i was lucky to get him out of that mess and swore i'd never get into that position again because he wouldnt stop on cue. you cant control their actions or words if they decide to act out. the only way to remedy it is to make adequate medicine adjustments enough to subdue this behaviour and keep it in check, and or keep them out of difficult situations or home until you feel relatively safe to venture out in public with them again.
Thank everyone for your advice, I'll definately tell his doctor (who is a great doc and a good man ) and see what med would be appropriate. Sooner or later , without his behavior mellowing out, he'll wind up hurt or hurting someone else and his odds are running out. In this instance I went to the ladies room and apologized to the guy, told him I was sorry and that my hubby has dementia but he said " that's not dementia , he is being an @hole! " He wasn't believing me and I could see why. DH appeared sane and just seemed like a bully. DH does the same stuff while I'm driving (he can't drive anymore and is bitter over it) and in other areas of life. He feels he can do no wrong , and he does nothing. That being said , taking him out a little each day seems to improve his mood generally for a little bit. I think socialization is really necessary but daycare is to iffy given his current behavior. Making him feel useful and necessary seems to keep him happy until he oversteps his boundries and you just can never predict what will set him off and that is what frustrates me like crazy. I HATE this disease.
Gypsy2, hopefully meds will correct the situation for both of you. Please be very careful about taking him to public places. My BIL volunteered at the senior center and was quite helpful to the people who went here. Then one day he got into some disagreement with one of the patrons and threatend to kill her. She called the police who arrested him at his home (broke his leg in the process because he resisted arrest) and only when he was admitted to the hospital did they diagnose him with AD. A local policeman advised me that if my dh (dx with FTD) injured someone due to his aggression that he would be jailed and the courts would not be lenient because of his dementia.