My husband's birthday is next week and his license was up for renewal. We've had the discussion many times before about not driving. His doctor also told him not to drive and he has not been happy about it. I didn't want to go through the fight this morning so my help took him to get a state ID instead. They just came home and all is good!
That was a hard thing, when we had to get the i.d. instead of the license. He took it in a fairly resigned mood, without major protest, and that was roughly 2 years ago. Interestingly, he's reached a stage where's he's forgotten that that occurred. Yesterday, for example, driving to our daughters' college, I stopped at Wawa for a break, and made the error of admitting that tiredness was the reason I stopped. "Want me to drive?" he says, in all earnestness. Now, I do not remind him that he hasn't driven in 2 years. I merely say, regrettfully, "you're not allowed to." He replies "when did that happen?" I say simply, "let's not go there right now." But he remains in the sullen mood that the driving issue always evokes, until we get to the college and his daughters distract him and cheer him up a bit.
My DH's license expires in December. He has no idea. The day is going to pass unnoticed. Then sometime we'll get him an official ID. Meanwhile he can use his passport. I hope we'll never have to talk about it, that would not go well.
Jeanette - I would think your battle will come when he has to give up his bike. You seem to do more biking than driving and it seems to be his preferred means of transportation when he wants to go somewhere. How will you disable the bike for good?
Wish me luck, we're going to the Motor Vehicle Admin. on Thursday to turn in the license and get a State ID. I called before his birthday in Oct. and was told to wait--that after 65 there would be no fee for the ID. My license is also up for renewal, so I'll get it at the same time. I've already spoken with the manager of the office and she knows about the situation and will help us. I'm going to try to make him think that we are both getting license renewals. By getting mine done at the same time, hopefully there will be enough diversion going on that he'll just go with the flow.
P. S. Re the "therapeutic fibbing" part--the manager said I'll have to handle it! Well, that's nothing new around here.
I have chosen not to get the state id card. all it will do is bring up the fact that he can't drive. I have his VA card with his photo, that's govt issued, and also his passport which I've used even for domestic flights. I use the passport for both of us, not to make it different for him. I just don't want the hassle of the driving issue.
Me too, Chris. Everything about driving is kept on a low profile around here. I don't think he will connect the iD with his driver's license which looks very different and which he can just keep in his wallet even though it's expired. I'll tell him it's because of the New Year that he needs the ID.
Charlotte, you are absolutely right, it will really be a sad day when he can no longer cycle. Hopefully not for a long time, he is still very good at it. This morning we rode 22 kilometers. But I don't think I'll have to take the bike away. Surely one day he just won't be able to do it? He probably will have a decreasing urge to do it as it gets harder. I hope he doesn't fall, but he may have to fall before he'll be convinced he can't ride anymore. We may have to cut out the rides into downtown Rotterdam because of the traffic issues, but so far he is fine with that too. There are bike paths everywhere we go and special traffic lights for bikes.
Thankfully, quitting driving was the least of our problems.
Claude voluntarily quit driving in 1997 (age 75) when his old truck quit and it was going to be more expensive to fix than it was worth. When we moved to Texas in 2000 and went to turn in our Oklahoma licenses, I filled out the State ID card form for him. The gal told him he could get a license since he already had one. He told her "no, I quit driving for good".
I don't know what it is with men and cars. My Dad was an alcoholic, not alzheimers, but he continued to drive until my mother sold the car out from under him. Everyone's guardian angels had to work overtime whenever he got behind the wheel.
My Mom always said that many things you worry about never happen. That was the case with getting the State ID. We went today and it was a piece of cake. I had called the manager of the office in advance, she took care of us, and the words "State ID" were never mentioned. It was fortunate that right before dx, my husband had gone in for a new license. In Maryland, you only have to do it in person every 5 years. So during that time, he went from MCI, to early stage AD, to middle stage. I am sure that if we had tried to get the State ID earlier in the disease, it would have been much trickier to accomplish peacefully.