Bless your heart, I'm so sorry it was a lousy outing. I just read your post on another thread about no Thanksgiving. Excuse me, but I fail to see anything you should feel guilty about and I think you should eat whatever you want on Thanksgiving and any other day of the week for that matter. Big hugs to you.
FayeBay-- going to a Dr. appointment is not respite. Our Caseworker for the local Area Aghency on Ageing finally got that through this thick head. Since my DH qualifies for services, we have in-home help. I can often schedule my Dr. appts when the worker is here for 3 hours., But, I also get respite time--when a helper is sent so I can get out for "Me time". When she realized I was using those times for Dr. appt, brace repairs, and legal appts, she tried to correct me. Didn 't work, but she got me straightened out at the beginning of the summer when she set up time to cover my dental appointment for 12 extraction (respite?--right!) She bauthorize3d it but alaso set me up for 4 hours eah month respite--scheduled at my discretion, and if any appointments come up--They will be scheduled separately. This month I'm attending a caregiver workshop Sat. and having my respite the 21st. Tht's when a sister and I are going to the "Shipshewana on the Road" event. Like a huge, high grade bazaar. Now that I "know" what respite is and how much it helps I'm making better plans, in advance. I get anticipation, participation, and the residual enjoyment of reflection on a few hours well spent outside the Dementia World.
Let me also say that you didn't have respite. You didn't even have respite scheduled. A doctor's appointment several hours away from your home wouldn't qualify as respite even if the car hadn't gotten messed up.
You have every right to vent, by the way. And this is a safe place to do it. All of us have had days like yours. And if it had happened to me, there wouldn't have been anyone to stay with my husband while I tried to get the car back on the road, so I know how frustrating it all would have been.
And I, also, need to figure out how to have some real respite time because I haven't had any for 3 months at this point.
Fayebaye, are you working on the meds? You are having a tough time and certainly need more respite. You know what, something strange but nice has happened here today. This morning I called the day care center that we visited yesterday and arranged that DH will start there on Monday and go two days a week. I don't know for sure whether I can get him to go, but they have lots of experience at the center and they are quite confident. And for me -- just KNOWING that I will (hopefully) have a full day of respite on Monday has made me so much kinder and willing to spend time and effort on him. He has responded with affection and gratitude (amazing) and today has been extraordinarily pleasant. I wasn't aware before that it was my own tension (and fear for my own independence) that often must cause me to be less kind than I can be.
Well, it wasn't a whole day - but I did get away for 3 hours yesterday to a Caregiver's Fun Time Out, sponsored by our hospital and various home health agencies. Had lunch, 2 messages, hands waxed, manicure, etc. DH did fine, even called me to say he was taking the dog out for a walk and wanted me to know in case I called and he didn't answer! When I got home, he said he wanted me to do more of this - that I didn't need to stay and baby-sit him. LOL He is so sweet lately (zoloft), and more like his "normal" self. Anyway, after a couple hours - I was anxious to get home! I guess I just love my home and can always find things to do here. I really don't desire to "get away".
I know there are many of you who DO NEED respite and I urge you to take what you can get. Maybe that time will come for me - but not right now.
vickie every little bit of pampering counts and makes us feel so much better . glad you enjoyed the outing! dont we wish all our spouses were that good on their meds!! haha.
faybaye, you surely need to have some time for yourself. it does sound like your spouse needs a med adjustment to help tone down the situation some. good luck divvi