Holidays aren't the same anymore for most of us. Speaking for myself, it's hard to look forward to them because my Mom passed away; my Dad lives in an ALF and doesn't want to go out; step-daughter has never wanted to spend holidays with us; brother spends them with SIL's family, who include us, but I don't feel comfortable there. Once close friend with whom we used to spend Thanksgiving and Xmas passed away, another who used to do Xmas dinner stopped; and a friend who had invited us for Thanksgiving this year just un-invited us when I emailed her asking what I could bring! The thought of me and DH having Thanksgiving dinner alone in a restaurant isn't very appealing. Anybody have any good suggestions? I would consider going away over the holiday, but we just got back from a big trip 3 weeks ago.
Marilyn, a suggestion, many churches hold Thanksgiving Dinners. You could volunteer or just attend. Our Church in Massachusetts used to host a dinner every Thanksgiving. One member ran it in honor of her Mother who just loved Thanksgiving. I'll bet you could find a spot through your Town/City Hall. You and your DH are welcome here in Maine! Arms around, Susan
Marilyn don't mean to be nosey but why were you uninvited after asking what you could bring? Several years ago dinner plans fell through at the last moment. We wound up at a Perkins restaurant and were very surprised at the number of people eating there. Some were old, some young, couples and singles. We were like fellows travelers stranded together. The staff working were mostly volunteers who had nowhere else to be. People began talking to each other. The wait staff sat with us and even the manager went from table to table just chatting. Pie was on the house. It sure wasn't like it used to be-but a brief moment we bonded and weren't lonely. Dinner at a restaurant might not be too bad.
Susan--Good suggestion about volunteering on Thanksgiving--I'll have to check that out. I'm so glad Jim will be with you for the holidays. Ugh, I haven't even thought about New Years yet!
In past years we have always had Thanksgiving with Clyde's kids and their families, with my kids coming the years they could make it over. We had it here a good share of the time. This year we haven't been invited anyplace, possibly because the kids are uncomfortable around their dad at this stage. Anyway, I decided I don't want to go even if an invitation is extended. So, I've decided to just fix a small Thanksgiving meal here and have my son invite his friend that has no family. That will just be the four of us, and that'll be fine with me. Easier for Clyde, too. I'm really up in the air over Christmas, though. Clyde may be in the AZ facility by then, and even if he isn't, I don't think I want to attend any big gathering. Not only that, I don't have the time, energy, or money to go Christmas shopping. That has me kind of depressed.
Marilyn: I would say come join us but we are heading to Perrysburg OH to my sister's. How bout we squeeze them all into the back seat and take a road trip??? It's only an 8 hour drive.
I love the idea of doing service for that day. I find that doing a service project always helps me get out of my own "stuff". And g-d knows we all have lots of "stuff" these days. I'll keep my eyes open for opportunities up by you.
brookhvn--I got a smile out of that visual about the back seat and the 8 hr drive! I agree that doing service is wonderful for keeping us from wallowing in our own sorrow.
Before Dementia my husband and I went to a fancy hotel for their Thanksgiving Buffet, literally for years. What little family we had were thousands of miles away and it was our little treat.
I did the same thing last year, only not so fancy. I'm looking for something even less fancy this year and I think I've found it.
For several years, before AD, we always went to a homeless shelter and helped on Thanksgiving and Christmas, if none of the family was coming. We both truly enjoyed doing that - except seeing the children really tore us both up. We continued to go even after the DX, but for the past 3 years I felt it wasn't wise for DH to go. Our son usually comes at Christmas, but can't travel this Christmas (awaiting kidney and pancreas transplants), so we will be alone. Haven't decided what we'll do yet.
There will be no Thanksgiving at our house. DH can eat only pureed food. It never tastes like the real thing. I decided I would not set down in front of him with a plate of turkey and stuffing. I have enough to feel guilty about.
FayeBayou have nothing to feel guilty about. How about going to your favorite market and buying the most decadent pastry for your own dessert. Really splurge.
Fayebay, why don't you fix your dinner, and wait until he naps and then eat it. That way he won't have to watch you, and you can still have your dinnner. Don't feel guilty because he can't eat. It is not your fault, nor would he want you to do without. Honest. You take great care of him and you need to care good care of yourself too.
Fayebay I'm really worried about you. Do you feel guilty EVERY time you eat something you enjoy that he no longer can eat? Why would Thanksgiving day or Christmas day be different?
Two years ago things changed enough that I knew that from then on I needed to try to do something nice for me on the holidays because I choose to go on living. Please try to allow yourself to do something nice for you so you can go on living too.
Marilyn, in the past when I found myself alone for a holiday, I reached out to another family or single parent or college student that was also alone. It is amazing how much fun the holiday are when you spend them with a "new family". You may someone as close as neighbor that does not have plans. One time a bunch of us had a big picnic in the park and invited all the single parents we knew and boy did we have a ball. IT was pot luck but the company was priceless...the kids played ball and we all laughed and enjoyed ourselves. My kids are grown now but they still remind of that Thanksgiving. Two Christmas' ago me and DH found ourselves alone and we invited in some street people (elderly) that we seen around town on a regular basis. We had a ball, they took showers and washed their clothes while we cooked and ate and played board games. The funny thing is that DH acted completly "normal" the entire day?????????
Shellseeker, how wonderful of you to share holidays like that. I think it takes a kind of courage most people do not have, to reach out to (relative) strangers like that. Good for you. And the fun you had was a great reward.
FayeBay, I understand your feelings and I would feel the same way. Personally, I just don't mention holidays or birthdays or anything else not in his concerns. Doesn't cause more anxiety for him and I really don't care about making a big tado anymore. I would go to a local resturant and order me a take-out meal to take home and now worry about it. Maybe he can eat mashed potatos. Is grinding his food an option? I am sure they must make small grinders for baby food. In the hospital they ground my Mom's food. Not any experience with the need for pureed foods although it may be in my future. Just my personal take on how I would handle it.