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    Oh how I wish I had found this wonderful group several years ago. I went through the rages, visits from the police and getting my DH's drivers' license revoked. Hubby now resides in an all dementia assisted living with hospice helping (greatly). He doesn't even recognize me as a person any longer. I am finding that some music is making me unbrearably sad. Good memories are evoked. I feel so sad and lonely.
    • CommentAuthordwgriff
    • CommentTimeApr 14th 2008
    The short answer is YES.

    Our song, 'Slow Boat to China' played often on the oldies station I have in the car. When it came on, along w/some others, I pushed the button. A couple of times, after a few years, I forced myself to listen to the end--but sad--yeah.
    • CommentAuthorfrand*
    • CommentTimeApr 14th 2008
    I'm a singer, well mostlly I was... I've sung music that made me cry! I find my DH very affected by music, especially "Danny Boy". Whatever, these are sad times and I think we sort of wear our hearts on our sleeves, so to speak, and respond more to anything of beauty and sometimes that includes tears, which are cleansing.
    My wife always has some song going through her mind, even when she can't remember what we are doing. The last few days it has been "Danny Boy". Music is one thing that keeps her happy, so I try to have as much as possible.
    • CommentAuthorkay kay
    • CommentTimeApr 14th 2008
    My DH is also in a Alz. Facility and this whole thing has been very sad and emotional for me.

    I can be driving down the road in a pretty good mood and then a song comes on that reminds me of us, or one of our favorite songs come on and there I am crying and driving down the road. We have both always loved music, especially when we were in the car, top down, just cruisin !!!

    It's been a year now since I had to place my loved one and I still have days where I struggle through them. Today was one of them.

    On Saturday, I got a movie that was made back in 1981 about Competition Aerobatic Flying, called Cloud Dancer. This was my DH favorite movie because of all the flying in it. I watched it last night and all I could think about was how much fun we had going to his contests, flying aerobatics together, etc., I cryed almost all the way through the movie. It is like I am having a hard time letting go of the past and trying to go on with the future.The main reason I got the movie was that on Sunday, we are going to celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary, and bring him home for 5 hours. I am going to put it on to let him watch all the flying. He still loves to look at airplanes. He still can hear them overhead when we are outside at the NH.

    I miss "US" so much !!!! This is definately not how we thought we would enter our retirement together, but, like everyone else on this site, we do the best we can.

    Take Care

    Kay Kay
    • CommentAuthorcarewife
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2008
    My husband loved the religious music in the church service....whenever his favorite song is sung,"Amazing Grace" I always lose my composure and cry...It is embarrassing but I can't help it.
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2008
    Our 15th wedding anniversary was last month. our wedding song was "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" by Whitney Houston from the bodyguard movie. i break down every time i hear it. it seems so appropriate then and now.divvi
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2008
    My DH is a musician. He had played for recreation for years in one band or another. Music is now the only thing he really enjoys or can relate to. He can't really perform too well anymore but it is amazing when he recalls a song and all the words. It's bittersweet watching him sing as it's the only time we really see a bit of his old self.
    He recorded a song for my 50th birthday last year, In My Life by John Lennon, and there was not a dry eye in the place.
    • CommentAuthorLeighanne
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2008
    Some music makes me sad, but other songs have helped to carry me through the worst of the last couple of years.

    For the last 10 years or so, we have considered Michael W. Smith's version of "Love of a Lifetime" as our song. So, whenever I hear that song, I get emotional. It's really hard now because Robert has forgotten that that was our song and the circumstances surrounding it.

    However, the Casting Crowns song "Praise You Through the Storm" has really helped me get through the last couple of years. I was walking one night listening to my ipod. I had just loaded the Casting Crowns CD and we were in the midst of trying to figure out what was wrong with Robert - everything seemed so out of control. And that song came on the ipod. The first few words of the song are "Lord, I would have thought by now that You would have reached down and wiped my tears away - come in and saved the day." I just broke down. I realized that I had been angry at God becuase He hadn't done just that. I had to let go of that.

    In a lot of ways music is like therapy for me.

    oh Leighanne, that same song has gotten me through some horrible times too!
    • CommentAuthorjav*
    • CommentTimeApr 17th 2008
    some music makes me so sad,i truly know what a breaking heart feels like,as do you all. it is like the hurt you feel when a loved one passes away,except it doesn't get better,it just keeps on. i try to keep so much inside. i don't want anyone to worry about me. for awhile i couldn't tell anyone about my dh,it's like if i said it, it would make it real and not just a bad nightmare. if i tell anyone about dh's eoad i feel so guilty. i feel like i am betraying him,and then i think,why did i tell them,i just shouldn't have told them. i set here with such a broken heart and such tears. i can't tell anyone else,because they just won't understand,and i am afraid they will think i am wanting sympathy. music can make you feel so happy and then it can make you,oh so sad.
    • CommentTimeApr 17th 2008
    I don't have the music thing at this time, although I did have it when my mother died.

    Jav, I fully understand about not wanting to tell people about your husband's dementia. I "went public" only a couple of months ago when I realized that my husband's behavior was getting so odd that people needed to know so they would understand.

    You are entitled to go public when you need to. You are entitled to let people know. And frankly, you are entitled to wanting sympathy, or to just getting it even if you don't want it.

    And frankly you need to let your neighbors know for your husband's safety. At this point he might not be wandering, but at some point he might begin to do that and you will need their help to bring him home again.

    The whole idea that we are supposed to keep this a secret makes me nuts and makes me want to send a wind to bring fresh air into the situation. As if caregiving wasn't hard enough without anyone else knowing what was going on!
    Regarding letting others know - several years ago a friend of ours started behaving strangely, couldn't make a sandwich, etc., but her husband would not talk about it. We all knew what was going on, but we didn't feel we could mention it to her husband. Thus he missed out on the support we would have given him. When my wife developed AD I decided not to go that route, but to make sure people knew what was happening. This was particularly true when we moved into the retirement inn where people did not know us. I wanted everyone to know that this was not the woman I married 54 years ago. She agreed with me. It has definitely paid off since we are getting a lot of support from others in the Inn.
    Regarding letting others know - my husband e-mailed our friends and children himself to tell them he had AD when we came home from the doctor's office! I had already told them that he had it almost a year earlier, but this was the "official" diagnosis. We have been completely open about the AD, and have great support from our friends. We are very fortunate in that regard.
    As to music, he loves listening to classical music and music from the 50s. Neither of us can carry a tune, but we love to listen to music. The kids find it humorous that the song that was playing constantly on the radio when we went on our honeymoon was "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?" - it always brings a laugh when we hear it!
    Honeymoon song: Now, that's funny!
    • CommentAuthorfrand*
    • CommentTimeApr 17th 2008 edited
    Towards the end of 2004 I had the opportunity to record a CD of Lullabies. I sent one to Joan and have her approval to offer to mail one to anyone with interest. It is very soothing, has 41 separate lullabies, and I've had a wonderful response from other AD groups where I have shared this music. So, if you are interested, just click on my name. I have my email address there. You will need to send your snail mail address to me.
    I would be honored to share this with anyone who would like one and it is a gift.