today is the first day I have been alone since Bob passed my emotions are coming to the surface, I feel like I`m coming apart at the seams and cannot control myself, guilt feeling are flooding over me for putting him in the nh I`m not sure if he just lost the will to live or if something else happen to suddenly take him, I`m not liking the other side of AD it is not a happy place, how do you get over the pain, guilt,lonelyness, I thought I was sad before when he went into the nh but this pain is unbearable, I just want to be with him, I can`t wait for grandson to get home from school so I don`t have to think about this, my daughter is going back to Az. on Fri. then what do I do , there will be no one sleeping here but me, when does the heartache stop? Gail
Gail, you are in thoughts and prayers. Try remembering all the good things and put away the bad memories. Your life will get better after the grieving process is over. We all grieve in our own way and at our own pace. ((((HUGS))))
Gail, Bama said what I was going to say. You need to cry it out and know that you are crying for YOU. He's in a better place. He would not have wanted to continue as he was. We all have different ways of coping with our loss. JUST DON'T FEEL GUILTY.
Marygail: Go ahead and cry, you need to have an outlet for your grief. I thought I had completed my grieving during the ten years of my husband's ALzheimers and that upon his death, I would complete the grieving process quickly but that is not true. I found myself grieving now for the man he was before the Alzheimer's took away his identity. I now remember him ; his personality, his wit, his endearing mannerisms. This too will diminish as time asserts itself. I joined a grieve support group at my church and it helps to talk to other spouses and family who are experiencing similiar sadness. AS to the guilt....you did what you did out of love for your man and he now knows that you were loyal in your devotion to him. I too live alone and get lonely sometimes but you now have a life to make for yourself and keeping yourself busy and productive will honor you dh more than anything else you can do. The pain and loss will come and go and as time goes on they will not be as intense as you are now experiencing. God bless you! I promise that life will be bearable for you and you will then be able to help another who is beginning the grieving process.