Dear Granny, You did it so right and thank you so very, very much. I just read this entire thread, and am shaking again. Reading what everyone has been dealing with is totally mind-boggling. For some insane reason, I haven't thought about the fact that he carries a gun. I know I have been cautioned by a dear friend about it, but it just didn't register in my mind before. With him being so high functioning, I just couldn't seem to wrap my mind around such an absurd possibility. Now, I'm seeing things in a whole new way, as if the light just went on in so many places. Are they right when they say "ignorance is bliss?"
I was told by the hospital to always keep myself between Gord and the door. How the heck can you manage that all the time. All his knife collection is gone and all my knives for cooking are locked up.
* sigh* this is taking me back to a place I just don't want to go.....
Jang, it isn't always possible. Sadly though, one does "learn to read the signs" ... by that I mean, a certain tone of voice, a look in the eyes... signs leading up to the impending doom. I always took offence to people telling me there were ways to diffuse any situation, that it takes two to argue. That just isn't true with a diseased brain.
Nikki, I am sorry for taking you back to a sad place. It is sad for me as well. I just thought Gina would benefit from some old posts...but we all survived.
No. There is not. Once, I was sitting on the floor trying to do up his shoes. I was really anxious to get out which probably made the problem worse. He stepped on my hand and ground his shoe into it. I was floored if you will pardon the pun. He told me I deserved it.
Jang, I am so sorry....... feel free to write me anytime. I was never able to open up even here where I feel safe. If you ever want to talk, I will listen ((hugs))
Gina, we have to remember even though they function well...their brains are not always "right". My husband wad "high functioning" when he tried to kill a rattlesnake with a pair of pliers. Our Texas rattlesnakes don't like pliers. I grabbed him by the back of his pants and yanked him around away from the snake.
When we think they are functioning well...we are buying into their cover-up. Don't let them fool you as well as others. Something is wrong.
Gina, you will get through this just as the rest of us have. It is a very bumpy sad road, but we survive.
Thank you Nikki. I guess I talk about it because it feels so normal to me. I certainly can tell when it is coming on. The voice changes, the whole demeanour changes. It is like a switch has been thrown. I am very careful when I see those changes.
She no longer crinches and wants to get away when I pick her up. Instead she looks around and expects to be patted.
She plays with and hangs out with the other cat. They still have never slept together but they're buddies finally because the abused cat doesn't feel she has to fight everyone for everything.
She expects her share more often. Still have to point out something is hers sometimes.
She speaks now and has for some months after never uttering a sound for the prior seven years. She answers me especially when I'm asking if she really wants some 10% cream. I can hear her coming now when I pour my coffee.
She doesn't move when I zoom by. Instead she expects to be patted.
Her demenour isn't something that owns the abusive experience of her past. I can yell at them and they gallop away and the next time I see her she expects I will still like her.
Caregiving is abusive. Whether we give it willingly or not is irrelevant because we actually have no choice and are therefore forced to do things in circumstances we would declare abusive IF THEY WERE DONE BY ORDINARY PEOPLE.
So here's an explanation. You're having trouble re-integrating because you've suffered years of abuse.
I cured my cat of owning her own abuse. I haven't gotten there with my sister yet who was molested by our grandfather and still sounds like she deserved to get victimized by a predator. That's close enough to whats down there churning in the waters.
I didn't get victimized or abused. My wife got sick. This path was always mine. Sometimes we need a little help though. My father used to think abusing me physically was a sport. He hit me. Fortunately now I can make that sound like a crime to anyone under 40. Back then hitting your kids wasn't just normal - it taught them good things.
The real reason my cat is normal now is that she has gotten past her past with time still left and an outlook of enjoying that.